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Saturday 2 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, during a date, I discovered that if I cough with my mouth closed, snot will spray from my nose all over the place like some kind of mucus cannon. FML

#20484952
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25587) - you deserved it (5850)

On 01/29/2013 at 4:23pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my son threw the biggest fit in history about going to the dentist. He broke a whole stack of plates, overflowed the bathtub, let the dog loose, and kicked his father when he tried to calm him down. My son is 17. FML

#20495428
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25346) - you deserved it (28083)

On 02/06/2013 at 6:12am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was moving into my new apartment. The previous owner had refused to move out until today, and when I got there, I realized I didn't have a key. I was about to call him when I found out I didn't need to; he took the door. FML

#20486186
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25267) - you deserved it (1709)

On 01/30/2013 at 12:25pm - misc - by jeoak - India

Today, I was running late for work and quickly grabbed my outfit from the dryer. I heard the crackling of static as I took out my shirt. I didn't think anything of it, until later when my co-worker pointed out I had a thong stuck to my back. FML

#20491168
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25254) - you deserved it (6884)

On 02/03/2013 at 2:32am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while checking out a couple at work, I handed them their receipt and wished them a good day. The woman promptly pulled her husband to the side, and whispered to him about how much of a "fucking idiot" I was for making the prices so high. I work at McDonald's. FML

#20488361
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25067) - you deserved it (1920)

On 01/31/2013 at 11:06pm - work - by stupidapperently (woman) - United States

Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML

#20491900
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24999) - you deserved it (2791)

On 02/03/2013 at 6:04pm - love - by FUCK GOD (man) - Argentina (Salta)

Today, the office coffee machine was relocated next to my desk. My co-worker insists on making several cups of the stuff per day, but instead of drinking it, he stands next to me, audibly swishes it through his teeth, gargles, and drools it back into the cup. I retch every single time. FML

#20499511
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24928) - you deserved it (1718)

On 02/09/2013 at 12:21pm - misc - by UuuuUUUUhhgghghghGHh (woman) - Kenya

Today, I desperately needed to pee, so I decided to confront my anxiety issues and use a public toilet. I opened the lid, only to see several huge, rancid floaters staring back at me. I had an attack, started sobbing, and pissed myself on the way home. Never again. FML

#20489333
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24660) - you deserved it (7840)

On 02/01/2013 at 6:53pm - misc - by VMV (woman) - Spain (Catalonia)

Today, as I was walking to my car, I noticed a car with a tail light out. Trying to be a good citizen, I walked up to the driver's side door and said "excuse me". The lady then maced me through the open window. FML

#20494408
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24611) - you deserved it (2866)

On 02/05/2013 at 12:45pm - health - by maced face - United States

Today, I was trying on some shoes. As I was bending down, an old lady with a walking frame slowly approached. As she got close she whispered to me "Mmm, you've got a nice tushie." My girlfriend will not let me hear the end of it. FML

#20482645
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24610) - you deserved it (3088)

On 01/28/2013 at 3:14am - misc - by Creeped out (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I had a half-hour conversation with my parents about going to college. I don't know what's worse, that they were trying to talk me out of it or that they're convinced that I'm going to get knocked up and drop out by the end of my freshman year. FML

#20492659
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24570) - you deserved it (2773)

On 02/04/2013 at 2:12am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I found a cup full of urine in the bathtub. No one in my family knows where it came from. This is the second time it's happened. FML

#20498051
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24491) - you deserved it (1550)

On 02/08/2013 at 10:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United States



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