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Friday 1 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I jokingly asked my girlfriend if she thinks I have a big package. She replied that she didn't want to upset me and get into another fight. FML

#20485057
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24995) - you deserved it (36227)

On 01/29/2013 at 5:39pm - intimacy - by notsobig - United States

Today, I blew a huge gum bubble. My cat was on my lap and decided to shove her face in the bubble. There's gum all over her, and I still have scars from the last time I tried bathe her. FML

#20484695
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24595) - you deserved it (9165)

On 01/29/2013 at 12:41pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, I found out that I have a highly irrational fear of little people. I made this self discovery when my mother introduced the family to her new fiancé. FML

#20487281
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24484) - you deserved it (4661)

On 01/31/2013 at 4:07am - misc - by Why Me? (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my kitten made it snow inside my house using a 12-pack of toilet paper. FML

#20495653
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24478) - you deserved it (4798)

On 02/06/2013 at 1:00pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I had to leave my ACT prep class ten minutes in to pick up my drunken father from his best friend's baby shower. I picked him up along with a bill for the damage. FML

#20488845
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24401) - you deserved it (1917)

On 02/01/2013 at 10:26am - misc - by kylie18xx21 (woman) - United States

Today, I was washing the dishes at work. I had to pee really bad but first I wanted to finish the dishes. A coworker jumped out from behind the ice machine. I screamed like a girl and pissed my pants. FML

#20492292
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24307) - you deserved it (4981)

On 02/03/2013 at 10:50pm - work - by klovemachine (man) - United States

Today, the last customer of the night shift handed me their money along with a wad of their hair. FML

#20484636
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24055) - you deserved it (2038)

On 01/29/2013 at 11:39am - work - by imwithapples22 (man) - United States

Today, after trying to convince my girlfriend to have sex for almost 16 months, she finally said yes. I couldn't get it up the second she said it. FML

#20494070
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23643) - you deserved it (35260)

On 02/05/2013 at 1:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, as I was leaving for my chemistry exam, I stepped on one of the countless sheets of chemistry notes that littered the floor following last night's studying. I managed to slip and knock myself out in my own living room. FML

#20489863
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23606) - you deserved it (5895)

On 02/02/2013 at 2:50am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, I spent most of my daughter's 8th birthday with her in the hospital while her broken arm was put in a cast. Apparently, my son had told her that some people gained the ability to fly on their 8th birthday before encouraging her to find out by jumping off the slippery slide. FML

#20486554
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23269) - you deserved it (1978)

On 01/30/2013 at 5:50pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my grandmother walked in on me watching porn on my computer. She looked at the woman on the screen and said, "I used to have tits like that, but look what having 7 kids did to them." Now I'm scarred for life. FML

#20488708
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23267) - you deserved it (36011)

On 02/01/2013 at 6:05am - intimacy - by Master Debater (man) - Australia

Today, I was taking a stroll in our yard, when my mother decided it would be hilarious to run me down with her Segway. FML

#20498382
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23165) - you deserved it (3207)

On 02/08/2013 at 4:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, a tenant in my apartment block told me about a nice shady place behind our building where he often goes to relax. Curious, I went looking for it. It was a quiet and secluded courtyard. At least until a man came out of nowhere waving a hammer in my face, screaming in a foreign language. FML

#20495981
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23101) - you deserved it (2824)

On 02/06/2013 at 6:14pm - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)



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