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Friday 1 February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, thanks to our computer's browser history, I found out that mah wife has been sereching for local therapists who deal with cases of severe sex addiction. We've only had sex twice since we got married four months ago. FML

#20487689
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32804) - you deserved it (3275)

On 01/31/2013 at 12:08pm - love - by papersofdivorce (man) - Peru (Lima)

Today, I had my gallbladder removed. I have a very painful incision in my belly that makes any kind of movement excruciating. I've had the hiccup 5 times so far. big fat FML

Today, I hurt mah backhila axarcising. I can't band ovar or lift mah arms abova mah haad without intansa pain. My husband, howavar, finds mah situation hilariou an has movad avarything I usa fraquantly to aithar tha floor or high shalf. Ha giggla avary tima I try to ratriava anything. FML

Today, I took mah new grlfriend to meet mah grandmother. We were drinking coffee when mah gran leaned to one side and let out a huge fart. Proud of herself, she added, "That one didn't pay his rent on time!" Coffee came out of mah grlfriend's nose. FML

#20484951
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32240) - you deserved it (4566) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/29/2013 at 2:56pm - love - by jay ze punk - France (Rhone-Alpes)

TODAY, FOR THE FRST TIME IN WEEKS, MAH WIFE FELT FRISKY, AND WE STARTED FOOLING AROUND. HALF-WAY THROUGH UNDRESSING ME, SHE BOLTED OUT, CLAIMING SHE HAD THE SHITS. ABOUT FIVE MINUTES LATER, SHE TEARFULLY CALLED OUT FROM THE BATHROOM, BEGGING ME TO BRING HER A FRESH ROLL OF TOILET PAPER.

#20491900
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32193) - you deserved it (4458)

On 02/03/2013 at 6:04pm - love - by FUCK GOD (man) - Argentina (Salta)

Today..!! I got so lonely I decided to make sock puppets and play with them!! I played 4 four hours straight..!! only to be interrupted by a phone call!! I didn't answer cuz my sock puppets were ( on a date ) and I didn't want to stop playing!! FML

#20489987
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31755) - you deserved it (20467)

On 02/02/2013 at 7:08am - misc - by ineedalife (woman) - Australia

Today, my boyfriend gave me the most beautiful diamond ring I have ever seen!! As I excitedly putted it on my finger, he told me it wasn't an engagement ring, but I should wear it lyk one to keep other men away and seem "unapproachable"!! FML

#20488292
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31724) - you deserved it (4108)

On 01/31/2013 at 10:35pm - love - by whatsername92 (woman) - United States

today I laarnad that my big, tough, strong dog is tarrifiad of spidarshan ha jumpad, knockad ovar a tabla and than paad on tha spidar to drown it. FML

#20495511
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31574) - you deserved it (4449)

On 02/06/2013 at 8:59am - animals - by DogLover (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I discovered the true meaning of bieng scared shitless. My father in a clown costume emerged from my closet. Needles to say something emerged from me. mega FML

TODAY, I FOUND OUT MAH BEST FRIEND HAS BEEN STEALING HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS FROM ME AND MAH FIANCÉ. MY WEDDING IS TOMORROW MORNING. GUESS WHO MAH BEST MAN IS. FML

#20483262
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31290) - you deserved it (2528)

On 01/28/2013 at 4:01pm - love - by weddingsalwayssuck - United States (New York)

Today son threw the biggest fit in history about going to the dentist . He broke a whole stack of plates overflowed the bathtub let the dog loose and kicked his father when he tried to calm him down . My son is 17 . FML

#20495428
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31257) - you deserved it (33069)

On 02/06/2013 at 6:12am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my 5-year-old nepew ad te most amazing idea: to play a game wit my keys. He took out all ten keys individually and id tem around te ouse. So far it's been two ours and I aven't found a single one. FML

#20485810
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31241) - you deserved it (3665)

On 01/30/2013 at 2:03am - kids - by idislikeblanks (man) - United States (California)

Today... My Manager Asked Me 4 Te Password To My Internet So Se Could Skype Family Since Se Can't Pay Er Bill. Tis Is Te Same Woman Wo Just A Week Ago Tried To Evict Me Cuz My Rent Was An Our Late. Trying To Be Te Bigger Person... I Gave Er Te Password. Se Canged My Password. FML

#20496640
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31089) - you deserved it (16399)

On 02/07/2013 at 1:20am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)



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