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Wednesday 30 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I got so lonely I decided to make sock puppets and play with them. I played for four hours straight, only to be interrupted by a phone call. I didn't answer because my sock puppets were "on a date" and I didn't want to stop playing. FML

#20489987
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33232) - you deserved it (21087)

On 02/02/2013 at 7:08am - misc - by ineedalife (woman) - Australia

Today, my 5-year-old nephew had the most amazing idea: to play a game with my keys. He took out all ten keys individually and hid them around the house. So far it's been two hours and I haven't found a single one. FML

#20485810
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33224) - you deserved it (3864)

On 01/30/2013 at 2:03am - kids - by idislikeblanks (man) - United States (California)

Today, I learned that my big, tough, strong dog is terrified of spiders when he jumped, knocked over a table and then peed on the spider to drown it. FML

#20495511
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32990) - you deserved it (4580)

On 02/06/2013 at 8:59am - animals - by DogLover (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out my best friend has been stealing hundreds of dollars from me and my fiancé. My wedding is tomorrow morning. Guess who my best man is. FML

#20483262
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32947) - you deserved it (2652)

On 01/28/2013 at 4:01pm - love - by weddingsalwayssuck - United States (New York)

Today, thanks to our computer's browser history, I found out that my wife has been searching for local therapists who deal with cases of severe sex addiction. We've only had sex twice since we got married four months ago. FML

#20487689
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32938) - you deserved it (3283)

On 01/31/2013 at 12:08pm - love - by papersofdivorce (man) - Peru (Lima)

Today, after weeks of practice, I proudly did 9 chin-ups on my chin-up bar. As soon as I was done, my 11-year-old daughter came over and banged out 12 of them. Then she wiped her sweaty hands off and did 8 more. Then she gave me pointers on my technique. FML

#20493569
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32838) - you deserved it (7061)

On 02/04/2013 at 8:00pm - health - by WeakerThanaLittleGirl (man) - United States

Today, at my retail job, a woman came to my till with her purchases. After I scanned all her items, she handed me two small bags. One was filled with nickels and dimes. The other was filled with cents. Her total was $28.53. The coins amounted to $22.30. FML

#20490092
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32708) - you deserved it (2537)

On 02/02/2013 at 9:53am - work - by fuckedbyretail (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I took my new girlfriend to meet my grandmother. We were drinking coffee when my gran leaned to one side and let out a huge fart. Proud of herself, she added, "That one didn't pay his rent on time!" Coffee came out of my girlfriend's nose. FML

#20484951
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32358) - you deserved it (4580) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/29/2013 at 2:56pm - love - by jay ze punk - France (Rhone-Alpes)

Today, my son threw the biggest fit in history about going to the dentist. He broke a whole stack of plates, overflowed the bathtub, let the dog loose, and kicked his father when he tried to calm him down. My son is 17. FML

#20495428
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32281) - you deserved it (33980)

On 02/06/2013 at 6:12am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered the true meaning of being scared shitless. My father in a clown costume emerged from my closet. Needless to say something emerged from me. FML

Today, I woke up to a voice-mail from my manager saying I had the day off. Excited, I made plans with my friends. A few minutes ago I got a call from my other manager yelling at me for not showing up, and the original manager revealed he had me confused with another girl. FML

#20491470
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32039) - you deserved it (2033)

On 02/03/2013 at 11:22am - work - by TheBaconater - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my boyfriend tried to hypnotize me into breaking up with him. FML

#20485216
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31924) - you deserved it (3254)

On 01/29/2013 at 7:28pm - love - by theawfulpresent (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went to the grocery store with my boyfriend. I wasn't feeling well so I wasn't paying too much attention to his usual antics. Since he thought I was ignoring him, he decided to grab me roughly by the stomach to give me a hug. I ended up puking right in the middle of the aisle. FML

#20484554
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31868) - you deserved it (3200)

On 01/29/2013 at 9:51am - health - by oh no (woman) - Canada (Quebec)



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