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Wednesday 23 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I took my new girlfriend to meet my grandmother. We were drinking coffee when my gran leaned to one side and let out a huge fart. Proud of herself, she added, "That one didn't pay his rent on time!" Coffee came out of my girlfriend's nose. FML

#20484951
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32211) - you deserved it (4565) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/29/2013 at 2:56pm - love - by jay ze punk - France (Rhone-Alpes)

Today, my mother burst into tears and hysterics when she found out my fiancée and I were not "pure" for our upcoming wedding. I'm 28, she's 27, and we've lived together for four years. FML

#20472693
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32129) - you deserved it (4570)

On 01/22/2013 at 3:09am - love - by deflower (man) - United States (California)

Today, I came home to find two letters from a publishing house that I'd submitted my manuscript to. The first was congratulatory, stating that my book had been accepted for publishing. The second was apologetic, stating that the first letter had been intended for someone else. FML

#20479103
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32096) - you deserved it (1971)

On 01/26/2013 at 1:14am - work - by strugglingartist (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. His shirt said "D.A.D.D, Dads Against Daughters Dating, shoot the first one and word will spread". FML

#20480699
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32037) - you deserved it (3332)

On 01/27/2013 at 12:57am - love - by pdub523 - United States (Texas)

Today, during lunch, my coworker offered me her food, claiming she was full. I was still quite hungry, so I accepted it. Halfway through eating the sandwiches, my boss walked in and started interrogating people over who took his lunch. I quickly realized I was the one eating it. FML

#20479916
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31969) - you deserved it (3565)

On 01/26/2013 at 3:44pm - work - by FUCK THE PIGS (man) - United States (California)

Today, I bought my first house, blowing nearly all my savings on the deposit. I had left myself enough for just a couple of necessary bits of furniture. It turns out the previous owner completely stripped the house when he left, taking the oven and even the toilet with him, amongst other things. FML

#20472701
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31873) - you deserved it (12145)

On 01/22/2013 at 3:27am - money - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, I made a new friend: the cricket the doctor pulled out of my ear canal. FML

#20479072
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31790) - you deserved it (3054)

On 01/26/2013 at 12:53am - animals - by Ear Invasion - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I got a text from an unknown number saying, "You shouldn't be eating that." I was eating a piece of chocolate, cheating on my diet. FML

#20480667
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31683) - you deserved it (17470)

On 01/27/2013 at 12:38am - misc - by LucidNightmare - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went on a date with a co-worker I've been interested in for some time. The topic of discussion she chose over lunch: how she's living a double-life as an escort in Flint and that she thinks she's picked up an STD from unprotected sex. FML

#20472998
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31475) - you deserved it (3576)

On 01/22/2013 at 12:20pm - love - by SonofDonald (man) - United States

Today, I caught my 4 year old son yet again trying to drink out of the toilet. FML

#20472782
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31321) - you deserved it (5055)

On 01/22/2013 at 6:39am - kids - by dani0810 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out my best friend has been stealing hundreds of dollars from me and my fiancé. My wedding is tomorrow morning. Guess who my best man is. FML

#20483262
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31304) - you deserved it (2526)

On 01/28/2013 at 4:01pm - love - by weddingsalwayssuck - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend left for basic training. I went to say goodbye to her at the airport. Only after I walked back to my car did I realize that she still had the keys. My extra set was back at the house, locked in. FML

#20471606
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31250) - you deserved it (5885)

On 01/21/2013 at 4:55pm - misc - by blank - United States

Today, my 5-year-old nephew had the most amazing idea: to play a game with my keys. He took out all ten keys individually and hid them around the house. So far it's been two hours and I haven't found a single one. FML

#20485810
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31218) - you deserved it (3664)

On 01/30/2013 at 2:03am - kids - by idislikeblanks (man) - United States (California)



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