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Sunday 20 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while on the bus, the guy sitting beside me let out the vilest and most nauseating fart I've ever encountered, the kind that could retroactively sterilize five generations of one's ancestors with the smell alone. As I gagged, he smirked and said, "That's Taco Bell for ya." FML

#20466884
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38260) - you deserved it (3681)

On 01/18/2013 at 8:32pm - misc - by methane overload (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend complimented me on my ass. Before I could say thanks, she continued by commenting that she wouldn't mind "breaking it in". FML

#20478275
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38119) - you deserved it (6314)

On 01/25/2013 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by great (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, while making dinner I cut my finger badly with a knife. When I yelled for my dad to drive me to the hospital, he accused me of lying to get attention. He had to taste my blood before he decided it wasn't red-colored corn syrup. FML

#20458321
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38092) - you deserved it (3328)

On 01/14/2013 at 12:52am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, my friend set me up on a blind date, to get my mind off having been recently broken up with. The guy was perfect: tall, muscular, handsome. But while we were watching a movie, I saw him dig around in his nose, then wipe his finger on my pants. FML

#20474869
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38008) - you deserved it (4331)

On 01/23/2013 at 1:44pm - love - by Stickysituation - United States (New York)

Today, a girl I follow on Twitter tweeted, "Why can't I have a cute math tutor?" I'm her math tutor. FML

#20459715
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37823) - you deserved it (3980)

On 01/14/2013 at 9:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I saw a woman breast feeding her child at the local park. That would have been just fine if the child wasn't at least 8 years old. FML

#20474414
303 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37800) - you deserved it (3825)

On 01/23/2013 at 3:33am - misc - by TheLastSerenade (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I got married. I'm Jewish, and it's traditional to break a glass cup by stepping on it after giving the bride her ring. My brother thought it would be funny to replace the glass cup with a rubber one. I slipped and fell flat on my back. FML

#20478247
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37626) - you deserved it (4076)

On 01/25/2013 at 3:13pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my mother came back from her trip to Vegas. Her breasts were obviously 2 letter sizes larger. I asked if she got a boob job and she denied it, saying that it's against her religion. She's an atheist, and a liar. FML

#20460160
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37557) - you deserved it (3395)

On 01/15/2013 at 12:45am - misc - by Brooke - United States (California)

Today, my mom barged into my room at three in the morning, demanding to know where I'd been. I'd been in my room sleeping since ten o'clock. In that time she had called the police, all of my friends, and my ex-boyfriend, asking if I was with them. FML

#20479024
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37266) - you deserved it (2340)

On 01/26/2013 at 12:14am - misc - by Sarah - United States

Today, my mom went to court to finalize her divorce. I would have felt sorry for her, had this not been her 7th husband. FML

#20476021
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37217) - you deserved it (2943)

On 01/24/2013 at 2:19am - misc - by HereWeGoAgain (woman) - United States

Today, I walked into the bathroom only to see my boyfriend sitting on the floor eating ice cream, crying. I'd say I was shocked, but this isn't the first time it's happened. FML

#20458512
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36310) - you deserved it (6481)

On 01/14/2013 at 3:24am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Montana)

Today, I was on a ladder at work, fetching some stock from one of the storage shelves. Some teenage kid thought it would be fucking hilarious to grab the ladder and violently shake it. He hadn't bet on me being startled enough to fall off and fracture my elbow on the floor. FML

#20481589
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36301) - you deserved it (2393)

On 01/27/2013 at 4:59pm - health - by fucking teen cunts (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)



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