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Friday 18 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I played an intense paintball match, with me and my friends versus my boyfriend and his buddies. When we won, my boyfriend went mental and said he only lost because of "lag". When I pointed out we weren't in a video game, he reacted by firing a paintball straight into my chest. FML

#20478409
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37539) - you deserved it (5454)

On 01/25/2013 at 5:19pm - health - by LagSwitchFTW (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my mother-in-law gave me a bottle of champagne for my birthday. This is the third year in a row she has done this. I'm a recovering alcoholic, and she's well aware of that fact. FML

#20462057
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37396) - you deserved it (2764)

On 01/16/2013 at 1:36am - health - by Ari (woman) -

Today, after a long, horrible day at work and some fighting with my family and my girlfriend, I decided to cheer myself up by going to McDonald's for a change. I burst into tears when the cashier told me they couldn't make me a Mars McFlurry because they'd run out of ingredients. FML

#20460946
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37288) - you deserved it (8055)

On 01/15/2013 at 3:56pm - misc - by Anonymous - Finland (Southern Finland)

Today, I came home to find my girlfriend crying. Concerned, I quickly asked her what was wrong. She told me tearfully that she couldn't understand why her pet lizards hadn’t grown into dinosaurs yet, and that pet store had cheated her. I’m still concerned now, but for entirely different reasons. FML

#20462136
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36830) - you deserved it (3845)

On 01/16/2013 at 2:52am - misc - by WTF (man) -

Today, I told my mom we get Monday off due to Martin Luther King Jr. day. She then insisted that I had to go to school because that is "only for black people." FML

#20461178
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36765) - you deserved it (2615)

On 01/15/2013 at 6:16pm - misc - by Sydney - United States (Texas)

Today, while on the bus, the guy sitting beside me let out the vilest and most nauseating fart I've ever encountered, the kind that could retroactively sterilize five generations of one's ancestors with the smell alone. As I gagged, he smirked and said, "That's Taco Bell for ya." FML

#20466884
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36588) - you deserved it (3560)

On 01/18/2013 at 8:32pm - misc - by methane overload (man) - United States

Today, I saw a woman breast feeding her child at the local park. That would have been just fine if the child wasn't at least 8 years old. FML

#20474414
300 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36481) - you deserved it (3708)

On 01/23/2013 at 3:33am - misc - by TheLastSerenade (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I felt like going to the gym. I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to come with me. She screamed at me for supposedly implying that she's fat. No, I just wanted to go to the gym with someone. FML

#20458971
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36406) - you deserved it (6794)

On 01/14/2013 at 1:34pm - love - by nkotz - United States

Today, while making dinner I cut my finger badly with a knife. When I yelled for my dad to drive me to the hospital, he accused me of lying to get attention. He had to taste my blood before he decided it wasn't red-colored corn syrup. FML

#20458321
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35568) - you deserved it (3103)

On 01/14/2013 at 12:52am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, my mother came back from her trip to Vegas. Her breasts were obviously 2 letter sizes larger. I asked if she got a boob job and she denied it, saying that it's against her religion. She's an atheist, and a liar. FML

#20460160
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35398) - you deserved it (3209)

On 01/15/2013 at 12:45am - misc - by Brooke - United States (California)

Today, I got married. I'm Jewish, and it's traditional to break a glass cup by stepping on it after giving the bride her ring. My brother thought it would be funny to replace the glass cup with a rubber one. I slipped and fell flat on my back. FML

#20478247
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35365) - you deserved it (3866)

On 01/25/2013 at 3:13pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my school's ski trip got canceled, because "All the snow makes the roads unsafe." We can't go skiing because it's snowing. FML

#20478441
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35302) - you deserved it (2915)

On 01/25/2013 at 5:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend complimented me on my ass. Before I could say thanks, she continued by commenting that she wouldn't mind "breaking it in". FML

#20478275
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35227) - you deserved it (5958)

On 01/25/2013 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by great (man) - Puerto Rico



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