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Saturday 12 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my mom made up a new game. She thinks it's hilarious to hide my brother's creepy Batman toy around the house to creep me out. This has been going on for hours and I still scream every time. FML

#20454752
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22334) - you deserved it (9167)

On 01/12/2013 at 1:36am - misc - by poohanne - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my girlfriend and I took a nap on my couch. She used my arm as a pillow, and everything was pretty peaceful, until she moved over and practically dislocated my shoulder. My screams of pain woke her, which was apparently an "asshole move" on my part. FML

#20446350
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22031) - you deserved it (1986)

On 01/07/2013 at 3:09pm - love - by Sawarski - United States

Today, I went to the movies with my crush, who had asked me out on a date. Assuming he'd pay, I left my money at home. When the time came to buy the tickets, he only bought one for himself. FML

#20448091
322 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21833) - you deserved it (60244)

On 01/08/2013 at 2:58pm - love - by anonymous001 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, an intoxicated gentleman stumbled into my shop requesting alcohol, which I do not sell. When I informed him of this, he expressed his disappointment by urinating on the floor. FML

#20445898
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21615) - you deserved it (1768)

On 01/07/2013 at 6:11am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, the girl of my dreams asked me if I wanted to go biking with her. "Just the two of us," she said. I had to turn her down because I'm 17 years old and never learned how to ride a bike. FML

#20457168
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20955) - you deserved it (25513)

On 01/13/2013 at 1:25pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found out that my sleep-walking is so bad that I regularly text my friend while I sleep. I have no idea how many times this has happened. FML

#20455938
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19321) - you deserved it (2220)

On 01/12/2013 at 8:30pm - health - by I'm screwed - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my dad was helping me move my stuff out. I'd asked my boyfriend to deal with my sex toys and lingerie, but still my dad showed up later at my new place, handed me a box full of them all, and simply said, "I don't want to know." FML

#20454623
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19136) - you deserved it (33768)

On 01/12/2013 at 12:11am - intimacy - by nean83 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my dad made a voodoo doll out of a melon. This seems to happen a lot. FML

#20449532
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19017) - you deserved it (2196)

On 01/09/2013 at 2:02am - misc - by Anonymous - Israel

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. In the entrance way I felt a slight tugging on my jeans. Used to my Doberman tugging when he wants to play, I shoved hard with my foot. I successfully punted their Chihuahua off the ground and into the next room where it landed with a thud. FML

#20460283
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18368) - you deserved it (34266)

On 01/15/2013 at 2:33am - animals - by I think its dead (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, my wife brought my 5-year-old daughter to visit me at the office. My boss has a speech impediment, and when she heard it, she exclaimed, "Hey my daddy can sound just like you! Show him daddy! Show him!" FML

#20454855
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18119) - you deserved it (37159)

On 01/12/2013 at 3:14am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was on a plane and realized that the woman next to me was hiding a hedgehog in a plastic container. I'm severely afraid of hedgehogs but not wanting to give the woman up and get her in trouble, I tried to stay quiet. Which led to me to quietly hyperventilate and pass out on the plane. FML

#20445879
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17359) - you deserved it (4907)

On 01/07/2013 at 5:21am - health - by scaredofhedges (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found a ring box in the pocket of my boyfriend's pants while doing laundry. I eagerly walked up to him knowing that it was an engagement ring, hoping that he would propose on the spot. He tossed it back to me and said, "Well you found it, I don't actually have to ask now, right?" FML

#20446658
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16935) - you deserved it (46191)

On 01/07/2013 at 7:21pm - love - by anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was driving and noticed a police car parked in a spot reserved for the handicapped. I stopped my car and got out to take a picture. The cop gave me a ticket for parking in the road. FML



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