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Friday 11 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. The first thing my dad did was comment that given how pretty she looked in our photos, and compared to how she looks in real life, she's amazing at using Photoshop. FML

#20466661
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31321) - you deserved it (3293)

On 01/18/2013 at 6:03pm - love - by dpap - United States (Iowa)

Today, I walked into my mother's house to find that she had knitted clothes for some of the household appliances. The toaster was wearing a dress. FML

#20457945
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30849) - you deserved it (3352)

On 01/13/2013 at 10:00pm - misc - by anon - United States (Ohio)

Today, I walked up sixteen flights of stairs to my room to avoid the lift lines. When I was almost to the top, the fire alarm sounded. FML

#20462640
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30746) - you deserved it (3415)

On 01/16/2013 at 2:02pm - misc - by tired - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while moving into my new place, I saw my new, elderly neighbor sitting on her porch. I cheerfully greeted her with, "Hello, how are you?" She simply rocked slowly in her chair and replied, "Just waiting to die." She was the most cheerful person I met all day. FML

Today, the lead singer of the band I recently joined blatantly admitted to a fan that the only reason he let me in was because I'm "so fuckin' ugly" that I make the rest of them look "ten times better" in comparison. FML

#20464662
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30691) - you deserved it (2631)

On 01/17/2013 at 3:50pm - misc - by sad drummer (man) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up after sleeping with my boyfriend for the first time. I rolled over and smiled at him, and the first thing he said was, "You farted. A lot." FML

#20446049
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30572) - you deserved it (6162)

On 01/07/2013 at 10:40am - love - by gassy - United States (Texas)

Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML

#20450136
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30567) - you deserved it (7402)

On 01/09/2013 at 2:57pm - misc - by thanksmom (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, when I asked my boss why my bonus was cut in half, he replied, "I have no idea what you really do." I'm the IT Manager. FML

#20465650
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30471) - you deserved it (2573)

On 01/18/2013 at 12:53am - money - by Anon - United States (Texas)

Today, my husband and I found the perfect house, in our price range and everything we wanted in a house. However, the street it's on is called "Arbour Butte Road". My husband refuses to buy it because he doesn't want it to sound like he lives "in a tree's ass." I'm married to an idiot. FML

#20451265
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30465) - you deserved it (5819)

On 01/10/2013 at 12:53am - misc - by it's just a name (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, after hours of trying to put a screaming baby to sleep, she finally fell asleep in my arms. I was so happy. Then, I got the hiccups. FML

#20456464
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30440) - you deserved it (2458)

On 01/13/2013 at 1:15am - kids - by hiccups - United States (Connecticut)

Today, while trying to quietly sneak a midnight snack with my girlfriend, I was slowly opening the pantry door so I wouldn't wake my mother. My girlfriend came and swung open the door onto my foot, taking the top layer of skin with it. FML

#20456813
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30417) - you deserved it (4778)

On 01/13/2013 at 7:41am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me lingerie from Victoria's Secret. He then added that his mother picked it out. FML

#20459473
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30395) - you deserved it (3158)

On 01/14/2013 at 7:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Newfoundland)

Today, after months of searching and several emotional breakdowns, I finally found a new job. My wife's words of encouragement? "Try not to fuck this one up." FML

#20464089
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30384) - you deserved it (9113)

On 01/17/2013 at 5:43am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States



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