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Wednesday 9 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 2 years, whose reaction was to pretend to take a phone call. FML

#20453131
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34217) - you deserved it (3286)

On 01/11/2013 at 1:46am - love - by proposal fail - United States

Today, my daughter learned a new song. This would be great, except for the lisp her teacher has. I now have a child screaming about the "itchy bitchy spider" at the top of her lungs. FML

#20448629
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34195) - you deserved it (2763)

On 01/08/2013 at 8:01pm - kids - by ugh (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, as per usual, my mother went to see her psychic, who told her that one of her children is harbouring a "dark secret". Now we're all grounded until one of us confesses our obviously non-existent secret. FML

#20457387
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34178) - you deserved it (2262)

On 01/13/2013 at 4:02pm - misc - by daughter of a gullible cunt (woman) - Australia

Today, a girl I follow on Twitter tweeted, "Why can't I have a cute math tutor?" I'm her math tutor. FML

#20459715
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34010) - you deserved it (3643)

On 01/14/2013 at 9:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found out that my dad, thinking it was an advertisement, threw away a letter from the college I applied to. FML

#20454916
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33819) - you deserved it (2293)

On 01/12/2013 at 4:52am - misc - by gdog10122 - United States

Today, my partner was inspired by 50 Shades Of Grey to try making me orgasm with a full bladder, therefore intensifying the experience. He was right, it was mind blowing. It also made me piss the bed for the first time in twenty-odd years. FML

#20445950
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33763) - you deserved it (6886)

On 01/07/2013 at 8:01am - intimacy - by wetsheets (woman) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, my mother came back from her trip to Vegas. Her breasts were obviously 2 letter sizes larger. I asked if she got a boob job and she denied it, saying that it's against her religion. She's an atheist, and a liar. FML

#20460160
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33595) - you deserved it (3067)

On 01/15/2013 at 12:45am - misc - by Brooke - United States (California)

Today, I walked in on my grandfather smiling at his penis. FML

#20449931
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33064) - you deserved it (4721)

On 01/09/2013 at 11:48am - misc - by lovingthis - United States (Florida)

Today, while giving my girlfriend a back-rub, she moaned and commented, "If only you could fuck this well." FML

#20455279
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33059) - you deserved it (8274)

On 01/12/2013 at 12:57pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, I had to explain to my husband that the 5-second rule doesn't apply if you drop the floss into the toilet. FML

#20458013
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32964) - you deserved it (2702)

On 01/13/2013 at 10:36pm - misc - by PeeFlavouredFloss (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my son got his first tooth, and is enthusiastically biting everything. I breastfeed. FML

#20450046
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32729) - you deserved it (6119)

On 01/09/2013 at 1:48pm - kids - by loveyouson (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I walked into the bathroom only to see my boyfriend sitting on the floor eating ice cream, crying. I'd say I was shocked, but this isn't the first time it's happened. FML

#20458512
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32729) - you deserved it (6098)

On 01/14/2013 at 3:24am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Montana)

Today, I told my girlfriend that my identical twin and I are not in fact related, that he's adopted, and that the only reason we look exactly the same is because we eat and drink the same things. She actually believed it. FML

#20453003
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32401) - you deserved it (8765)

On 01/11/2013 at 12:20am - misc - by datingablonde - Australia (Western Australia)



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