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Sunday 6 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I tried to get my boyfriend to roll over while he was asleep. He snores loud enough to wake the neighbors and if he lays on his side he usually stops. Instead of rolling over, he stuck his leg in the air, farted twice, and laughed about it in his sleep. He's still snoring. FML

#20447496
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35903) - you deserved it (5177)

On 01/08/2013 at 2:44am - misc - by no sleep for me -

Today, I paused the movie my girlfriend and I were watching and told her, for the first time, that I loved her. Her response was to stare at me silently for a few seconds before unpausing the film. FML

#20440422
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35861) - you deserved it (6481)

On 01/03/2013 at 6:43am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was yet again asked to show my hall pass. I'm 23 and work at a middle school. I've worked here for the last five months, so not only do I look 13 years old, I'm also not memorable enough for my own coworkers to recognize me. FML

#20454196
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35839) - you deserved it (2774)

On 01/11/2013 at 8:11pm - work - by Can'tAgeOrMakeFriends (woman) - United States

Today, marks the sixth day in a row that my mum has called me to discuss my upcoming wedding. She's obsessed and has intimidated the actual planner I hired into going along with her plans. She's slipped up twice already and accidentally referred to it as her own wedding. Just great. FML

#20453938
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35523) - you deserved it (3688)

On 01/11/2013 at 5:19pm - love - by fuck you, mum (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, as per usual, my mother went to see her psychic, who told her that one of her children is harbouring a "dark secret". Now we're all grounded until one of us confesses our obviously non-existent secret. FML

#20457387
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35484) - you deserved it (2362)

On 01/13/2013 at 4:02pm - misc - by daughter of a gullible cunt (woman) - Australia

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 2 years, whose reaction was to pretend to take a phone call. FML

#20453131
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35092) - you deserved it (3369)

On 01/11/2013 at 1:46am - love - by proposal fail - United States

Today, I found my dogs freezing outside. My neighbor was supposed to watch them while I was away, and on my way home I called to let her know she should let them have a quick walk. She thought I'd be home soon enough that she wouldn't have to let them back in. It was minus 10c out. FML

#20436199
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34815) - you deserved it (3835)

On 01/01/2013 at 12:35pm - animals - by Enyo - Reserved

Today, I went on a first date with the guy I really like. During our dinner, he said he needed to go to the bathroom. You guessed it: he didn't come back. FML

#20438667
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34772) - you deserved it (3133)

On 01/02/2013 at 1:59pm - love - by great. -

Today, my daughter learned a new song. This would be great, except for the lisp her teacher has. I now have a child screaming about the "itchy bitchy spider" at the top of her lungs. FML

#20448629
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34343) - you deserved it (2769)

On 01/08/2013 at 8:01pm - kids - by ugh (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found out that my dad, thinking it was an advertisement, threw away a letter from the college I applied to. FML

#20454916
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34338) - you deserved it (2323)

On 01/12/2013 at 4:52am - misc - by gdog10122 - United States

Today, my vegan boyfriend told me that if he were forced to kill either his cat or me, he'd kill me because he "would never kill an animal." FML

#20458188
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34233) - you deserved it (6181)

On 01/13/2013 at 11:49pm - animals - by Abendigo77 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at a café with my friends when an elderly man noticed my dimples. He came up to me, stroked them while whispering, "One in a million" then walked out. Now my friends do this to me constantly, even while driving home. I almost hit a tree. FML

#20440419
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34162) - you deserved it (3083)

On 01/03/2013 at 6:35am - misc - by Dimples (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my partner was inspired by 50 Shades Of Grey to try making me orgasm with a full bladder, therefore intensifying the experience. He was right, it was mind blowing. It also made me piss the bed for the first time in twenty-odd years. FML

#20445950
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33970) - you deserved it (6905)

On 01/07/2013 at 8:01am - intimacy - by wetsheets (woman) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)



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