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Sunday 6 January 2013

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Today, at my four-year-old daughter's insistence, I looked for - and found - a radio station that plays "Santa music" all year round. She's ecstatic and I can't turn it off without upsetting her. FML

by christmaswillneverend / 01/01/2013 at 7:18pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids

Today, while on a first date with a charming guy, I excused myself to the bathroom. I tried to bring my purse along, since my pads were in there, and mother nature was calling. He vehemently insisted that I leave my purse, in case I was planning on stiffing him on the bill. FML

by but i make different stiffies / 01/04/2013 at 7:33pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, my mom asked me why MS Word keeps underlining some words. After I tried to convince her that you're supposed to put a space after commas, she started yelling at me for making her look stupid. I can never win. FML

by millavitsa / 01/03/2013 at 5:36pm / Ukraine / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my sleep-walking is so bad that I regularly text my friend while I sleep. I have no idea how many times this has happened. FML

by I'm screwed / 01/12/2013 at 8:30pm / Canada (Alberta) / Health

Today, I learned that my doctor lost all of my immunization records. I can't start law school without them. FML

by bureaucratic assfuckery / 01/04/2013 at 3:51pm / United States (Maryland) / Health

Today, I came home to a flooded apartment and water still pouring from the ceiling. The woman who lives above me is shocked that I would consider her responsible for the damage and doesn't think she should have to pay for it. FML

by Anonymous / 01/06/2013 at 5:01am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, an intoxicated gentleman stumbled into my shop requesting alcohol, which I do not sell. When I informed him of this, he expressed his disappointment by urinating on the floor. FML

by Anonymous / 01/07/2013 at 6:11am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, my son volunteered to help me cut out coupons. When I got to the register at the store, I noticed he'd cut off all the barcodes. FML

by Anonymous / 01/07/2013 at 4:27pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, my mom made up a new game. She thinks it's hilarious to hide my brother's creepy Batman toy around the house to creep me out. This has been going on for hours and I still scream every time. FML

by poohanne / 01/12/2013 at 1:36am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that I was pregnant and sent a picture of the positive test to my boyfriend. Before I got a text back from him, I got his newly updated Facebook status that read "This has got to be the most depressing day of my life." FML

by kiken.bara / 01/06/2013 at 3:17am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at a restaurant with my boyfriend. He wound up drinking a whole bottle of wine, and when the bill came he drunkenly yelled at the waiter, claiming it should be free, because he's in the military "fighting for your freedom". He's a mechanic in the National Guard. FML

by so embarrassed / 01/05/2013 at 4:56pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I was on a plane and realized that the woman next to me was hiding a hedgehog in a plastic container. I'm severely afraid of hedgehogs but not wanting to give the woman up and get her in trouble, I tried to stay quiet. Which led to me to quietly hyperventilate and pass out on the plane. FML

by scaredofhedges / 01/07/2013 at 5:21am / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I visited my grandparents' house. While getting a drink from the fridge, I noticed the Christmas card my family sent them had my face scratched out. When I confronted them about it, they said it was the cat. They don't have a cat. FML

by HatedGrandson / 01/06/2013 at 7:50pm / United States / Miscellaneous