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Saturday 5 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I learned who my dad's new fiancée is. Upon meeting her she exclaimed, "My, I haven't seen you in a while!" She's my ex-boyfriend's mom. FML

#20450908
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36338) - you deserved it (3014)

On 01/09/2013 at 10:15pm - love - by wtf dad - United States (Missouri)

Today, I tried to get my boyfriend to roll over while he was asleep. He snores loud enough to wake the neighbors and if he lays on his side he usually stops. Instead of rolling over, he stuck his leg in the air, farted twice, and laughed about it in his sleep. He's still snoring. FML

#20447496
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36091) - you deserved it (5187)

On 01/08/2013 at 2:44am - misc - by no sleep for me -

Today, I paused the movie my girlfriend and I were watching and told her, for the first time, that I loved her. Her response was to stare at me silently for a few seconds before unpausing the film. FML

#20440422
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36067) - you deserved it (6501)

On 01/03/2013 at 6:43am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was at a café with my friends when an elderly man noticed my dimples. He came up to me, stroked them while whispering, "One in a million" then walked out. Now my friends do this to me constantly, even while driving home. I almost hit a tree. FML

#20440419
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35783) - you deserved it (3227)

On 01/03/2013 at 6:35am - misc - by Dimples (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my dog died. We planned to get her cremated and keep the ashes. My sister put forward the idea of putting the ashes in our food so our dog can be "inside of us, always." She's completely serious. I'm scared to eat food from her now. FML

#20438971
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35622) - you deserved it (2299)

On 01/02/2013 at 4:53pm - animals - by Anon. -

Today, I found out that my dad, thinking it was an advertisement, threw away a letter from the college I applied to. FML

#20454916
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35457) - you deserved it (2398)

On 01/12/2013 at 4:52am - misc - by gdog10122 - United States

Today, while giving my girlfriend a back-rub, she moaned and commented, "If only you could fuck this well." FML

#20455279
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35379) - you deserved it (8589)

On 01/12/2013 at 12:57pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, I waited over an hour for my bus. As I finally saw it approaching, I reached into my purse to grab my ticket. The lady next to me then gave the driver a hand signal to keep driving. FML

#20451303
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34840) - you deserved it (2818)

On 01/10/2013 at 1:13am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I walked in on my grandfather smiling at his penis. FML

#20449931
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34633) - you deserved it (4891)

On 01/09/2013 at 11:48am - misc - by lovingthis - United States (Florida)

Today, my daughter learned a new song. This would be great, except for the lisp her teacher has. I now have a child screaming about the "itchy bitchy spider" at the top of her lungs. FML

#20448629
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34556) - you deserved it (2788)

On 01/08/2013 at 8:01pm - kids - by ugh (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, after I finally laid down from a long day and was about to fall asleep, I realized I forgot to set my alarm. I don't own an alarm clock and my alarm is on my phone. Which was in my car. I live on 15th floor of an apartment building and our parking garage is across the street. FML

#20439908
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34454) - you deserved it (9459)

On 01/03/2013 at 12:02am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I told my girlfriend that my identical twin and I are not in fact related, that he's adopted, and that the only reason we look exactly the same is because we eat and drink the same things. She actually believed it. FML

#20453003
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34177) - you deserved it (8993)

On 01/11/2013 at 12:20am - misc - by datingablonde - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I've been struggling with my English paper for the past hour, because I can't concentrate. This is because my mom is in the room next to me, singing to her pet rat about what a cute little boy he is, in between yelling at him to stop "molesting" her. FML

#20452365
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33886) - you deserved it (2816)

On 01/10/2013 at 7:02pm - animals - by theycallmekitty (woman) - United States (Georgia)



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