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Friday 4 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 2 years, whose reaction was to pretend to take a phone call. FML

#20453131
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35051) - you deserved it (3367)

On 01/11/2013 at 1:46am - love - by proposal fail - United States

Today, I found my dogs freezing outside. My neighbor was supposed to watch them while I was away, and on my way home I called to let her know she should let them have a quick walk. She thought I'd be home soon enough that she wouldn't have to let them back in. It was minus 10c out. FML

#20436199
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34771) - you deserved it (3835)

On 01/01/2013 at 12:35pm - animals - by Enyo - Reserved

Today, I went on a first date with the guy I really like. During our dinner, he said he needed to go to the bathroom. You guessed it: he didn't come back. FML

#20438667
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34740) - you deserved it (3131)

On 01/02/2013 at 1:59pm - love - by great. -

Today, my daughter learned a new song. This would be great, except for the lisp her teacher has. I now have a child screaming about the "itchy bitchy spider" at the top of her lungs. FML

#20448629
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34302) - you deserved it (2767)

On 01/08/2013 at 8:01pm - kids - by ugh (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my partner was inspired by 50 Shades Of Grey to try making me orgasm with a full bladder, therefore intensifying the experience. He was right, it was mind blowing. It also made me piss the bed for the first time in twenty-odd years. FML

#20445950
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33923) - you deserved it (6900)

On 01/07/2013 at 8:01am - intimacy - by wetsheets (woman) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, I walked in on my grandfather smiling at his penis. FML

#20449931
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33169) - you deserved it (4727)

On 01/09/2013 at 11:48am - misc - by lovingthis - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at a café with my friends when an elderly man noticed my dimples. He came up to me, stroked them while whispering, "One in a million" then walked out. Now my friends do this to me constantly, even while driving home. I almost hit a tree. FML

#20440419
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33082) - you deserved it (2984)

On 01/03/2013 at 6:35am - misc - by Dimples (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my dog died. We planned to get her cremated and keep the ashes. My sister put forward the idea of putting the ashes in our food so our dog can be "inside of us, always." She's completely serious. I'm scared to eat food from her now. FML

#20438971
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32938) - you deserved it (2089)

On 01/02/2013 at 4:53pm - animals - by Anon. -

Today, my son got his first tooth, and is enthusiastically biting everything. I breastfeed. FML

#20450046
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32844) - you deserved it (6129)

On 01/09/2013 at 1:48pm - kids - by loveyouson (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I waited over an hour for my bus. As I finally saw it approaching, I reached into my purse to grab my ticket. The lady next to me then gave the driver a hand signal to keep driving. FML

#20451303
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32706) - you deserved it (2647)

On 01/10/2013 at 1:13am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I told my girlfriend that my identical twin and I are not in fact related, that he's adopted, and that the only reason we look exactly the same is because we eat and drink the same things. She actually believed it. FML

#20453003
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32528) - you deserved it (8775)

On 01/11/2013 at 12:20am - misc - by datingablonde - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my boyfriend took me to his house and introduced me to his parents. He also showed me around his bedroom. I think he forgot to remove the dartboard on his wall, taped to which was a swiss-cheesed printout of one of my Facebook photos. FML

#20434714
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32413) - you deserved it (3547)

On 12/31/2012 at 7:55pm - love - by WasZumTeufel? (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I found out that my son told my daughter at some point that "real" name for Hershey's Kisses is "blowjobs." I found this out because at kindergarten she was asked what her favorite food was. The teacher wasn't happy when she called me. FML

#20452458
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32040) - you deserved it (2723)

On 01/10/2013 at 7:51pm - kids - by Grant - United States



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