Tuesday 1 January 2013 
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Today, I went to a concert with my girlfriend. Some guy grabbed her ass, and I tried to fight him. I ended up with a concussion and a messed up jaw. Her? Oh, she beat the shit out of him while I was unconscious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33549) - you deserved it (9855)
On 01/01/2013 at 5:30am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)
Today, my husband came home with a bunch of realistic-looking wigs for women. When I asked them what they were for, he said he wanted to spice up our sex life with them. When I told him I refused to wear a wig, he said in a very serious tone that I wasn't going to be the one wearing them, he was. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32495) - you deserved it (5362)
On 01/02/2013 at 5:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32280) - you deserved it (2704)
On 12/31/2012 at 5:36pm - work - by shattysituation - United States
Today, I got into an accident on my motorcycle. When I told my wife that the doctor said I couldn't have sex for two weeks, she couldn't contain her joy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32231) - you deserved it (5769)
On 01/08/2013 at 12:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, my boss called me over to his office; he wanted me to fire four hardworking employees. One of them was the girl I was going to ask out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31569) - you deserved it (2127)
On 01/08/2013 at 11:40am - work - by AnonUser464 (man) - United States
Today, my neighbor went on vacation, leaving me in charge of his cat and dog. For some reason, he calls his dog "Cat" and his cat "Dog". There are two pet food containers, one labeled "Cat" and the other labeled "Dog". I have no idea which one goes to which animal. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31286) - you deserved it (2920)
On 01/02/2013 at 1:07am - animals - by catdog - United States (California)
Today, I tried to get my boyfriend to roll over while he was asleep. He snores loud enough to wake the neighbors and if he lays on his side he usually stops. Instead of rolling over, he stuck his leg in the air, farted twice, and laughed about it in his sleep. He's still snoring. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30491) - you deserved it (4655)
On 01/08/2013 at 2:44am - misc - by no sleep for me -
Today, I went to bed with a bra on. I woke up with no bra on. My brother had a friend sleep over last night. I wonder where my bra went. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29858) - you deserved it (2760)
On 12/31/2012 at 3:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, at a house party, I finally got the guy I've been seeing alone in his room. We started making out, and I got on top of him to take control. He responded by saying he couldn't do it because he needed to go make pizza for his friends, and then bolted out of the room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29366) - you deserved it (6433)
On 01/02/2013 at 2:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I paused the movie my girlfriend and I were watching and told her, for the first time, that I loved her. Her response was to stare at me silently for a few seconds before unpausing the film. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29301) - you deserved it (4756)
On 01/03/2013 at 6:43am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I went on a first date with the guy I really like. During our dinner, he said he needed to go to the bathroom. You guessed it: he didn't come back. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29186) - you deserved it (2271)
On 01/02/2013 at 1:59pm - love - by great. -
Today, I have been single and out of the game for so long that instead of having real wet dreams, I now dream about jacking off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28433) - you deserved it (5412)
On 01/01/2013 at 12:26pm - intimacy - by lonely dreams - United States (Nevada)
Today, I found my dogs freezing outside. My neighbor was supposed to watch them while I was away, and on my way home I called to let her know she should let them have a quick walk. She thought I'd be home soon enough that she wouldn't have to let them back in. It was minus 10c out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27536) - you deserved it (2513)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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