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Sunday 30 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went on a blind date. As soon as my date saw me walking towards him, he checked his watch and said, "Oops, wrong place." Then walked right past me. FML

#20442057
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21874) - you deserved it (2204)

On 01/04/2013 at 1:12am - love - by Tiffosaur - United States

Today, my wife is pregnant and sick. She switches from sobbing she's sorry for that, to blaming me for "doing this to me." On top of that, I have half her symptoms now: throwing up and crying for no reason. This will be a long 9 months. FML

#20443596
151 comments

Today, my boyfriend showed up at my grandmother's wake in torn jeans and a Family Guy t-shirt. When I took him aside asked him what the hell he was thinking, he lost his temper and stormed out. FML

#20442809
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21398) - you deserved it (3897)

On 01/04/2013 at 5:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to dinner with my girlfriend of 2 months. This would have been great, had I not been nodding absentmindedly when she suggested that we start planning our wedding soon, because "she's always dreamt of being married on the same day as Brad and Angelina." FML

#20440111
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21340) - you deserved it (22585)

On 01/03/2013 at 1:47am - love - by Brad (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I tried to be cute by sitting on top of my boyfriend's belly. While getting on top, I accidentally kneed him in his nuts. In pain, he jolted his head up and ended up banging his head against mine. Now I have a black eye and he can't walk without waddling. FML

#20431454
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21309) - you deserved it (41428)

On 12/30/2012 at 3:29am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my uncle keeps spamming me on Facebook with friend suggestions. Most of them are people he met on porn sites. FML

#20443243
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20762) - you deserved it (1855)

On 01/05/2013 at 12:37am - misc - by tftm - United States (Illinois)

Today, I learned that toddlers cannot fully digest raisins. I learned this first-hand when my 15-month-old began pooping them whole. In the bathtub. FML

#20442461
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20555) - you deserved it (7006)

On 01/04/2013 at 11:59am - kids - by Raela (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had to beg my husband not to shave his pubic hair into a handlebar moustache. FML

#20442876
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20241) - you deserved it (3839)

On 01/04/2013 at 7:31pm - love - by marisa (woman) - Ireland (Carlow)

Today, both my car and my father's car were broken into. They stole my radio, purse, wallet, camera, and multiple items of clothing. What did they take from my dad's car? Some screwdrivers to rip my radio out of my dash. FML

#20443271
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20111) - you deserved it (4815)

On 01/05/2013 at 12:54am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my little sister asked me to open a jar of pickles for her. I struggled a little until the lid busted open, and pickle juice poured over my pocket and the iPhone inside. My sister then sniffed the jar, made a disgusted face, and ran out. FML

#20444015
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20047) - you deserved it (3391)

On 01/05/2013 at 7:06pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend called me anti-social. To prove him wrong I texted one of my friends. She texted back, "Who's this??" FML

#20442068
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19831) - you deserved it (7175)

On 01/04/2013 at 1:18am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I tried to impress a girl at the gym on the squat rack, but let out a big fart. She was grossed out and laughed at me with her friends. Her boyfriend came over and told me I was a dead man, and I'd better leave. I'm now the proud owner of a year membership at a gym I can't go to. FML

#20425068
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19035) - you deserved it (25009)

On 12/27/2012 at 1:46am - health - by pipefitter28 (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, after giving my mother and my girlfriend their Christmas presents, I realized just how similar they looked both in box size and wrapping paper. I noticed after my mother gasped upon finding a vibrator in her box. FML

#20420433
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18407) - you deserved it (50623)

On 12/25/2012 at 2:12am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States



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