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Thursday 27 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my dad has decided to that as a New Year's resolution, he's going to strive to wear pants less often. It's only been an hour and I can already tell it's going to be a long year. FML

#20435279
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21454) - you deserved it (1276)

On 01/01/2013 at 12:41am - misc - by why? - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was at a party. Everyone was drunk, and I happened to overhear someone say, "Where's that guy in the black jacket? I'm going to beat his ass!" I wouldn't have thought anything of it, had I not been the only one wearing a black jacket. FML

#20433319
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20834) - you deserved it (2617)

On 12/31/2012 at 1:46am - misc - by bpruitt95 (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I walked in on my sister plucking her nipples. A shame I didn't get a big fuck-off bottle of brain bleach for Christmas. FML

#20422121
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20665) - you deserved it (5283)

On 12/25/2012 at 8:49pm - intimacy - by FuckMyEyes (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my brother learned how to fake cry. I've been catching shit for everything I've done and said near him ever since. FML

#20421301
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20629) - you deserved it (2139)

On 12/25/2012 at 1:12pm - kids - by everore - United States (Utah)

Today, I was driving without my seatbelt on, when I noticed a police car approaching. I panicked and desperately fumbled around for my seatbelt, only for them to pass by with just a funny look. Then it hit me that I was riding my motorcycle. FML

#20428799
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19814) - you deserved it (33233) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 12/28/2012 at 8:21pm - misc - by ELparano - Canada

Today, I went to dinner with my girlfriend of 2 months. This would have been great, had I not been nodding absentmindedly when she suggested that we start planning our wedding soon, because "she's always dreamt of being married on the same day as Brad and Angelina." FML

#20440111
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18727) - you deserved it (19554)

On 01/03/2013 at 1:47am - love - by Brad (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while going on a jog through the countryside, I discovered that it is actually possible outside of crappy TV shows to have a rifle leveled at you, and to be shouted at to, "Get off my land." FML

#20432522
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18280) - you deserved it (15413)

On 12/30/2012 at 6:48pm - misc - by fuckinghicks (man) - United States

Today, I tried to impress a girl at the gym on the squat rack, but let out a big fart. She was grossed out and laughed at me with her friends. Her boyfriend came over and told me I was a dead man, and I'd better leave. I'm now the proud owner of a year membership at a gym I can't go to. FML

#20425068
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17735) - you deserved it (23231)

On 12/27/2012 at 1:46am - health - by pipefitter28 (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, at a post-Christmas party, I saw a cute girl standing underneath a mistletoe. I walked up to her and pointed out that we were both standing under a mistletoe. She looked at me, winced, and quickly walked away. FML

#20424412
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16457) - you deserved it (19230)

On 12/26/2012 at 9:09pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I tried to be cute by sitting on top of my boyfriend's belly. While getting on top, I accidentally kneed him in his nuts. In pain, he jolted his head up and ended up banging his head against mine. Now I have a black eye and he can't walk without waddling. FML

#20431454
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16399) - you deserved it (35728)

On 12/30/2012 at 3:29am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, after giving my mother and my girlfriend their Christmas presents, I realized just how similar they looked both in box size and wrapping paper. I noticed after my mother gasped upon finding a vibrator in her box. FML

#20420433
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16217) - you deserved it (46923)

On 12/25/2012 at 2:12am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized something: when other people are drunk, they dance around and make out with people. When I'm drunk, I apparently think it's a great idea to chew on electrical cords. FML

#20429355
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16040) - you deserved it (27077)

On 12/29/2012 at 2:30am - misc - by almostkilledmyself - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I checked my sister's diary, because I was worried about her recent angry and withdrawn behavior. She caught me in the act, and my mom, whom I've caught blatantly snooping through my stuff multiple times now, grounded me for my "disgusting" violation of my sister's privacy. FML

#20430472
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15896) - you deserved it (31120)

On 12/29/2012 at 6:17pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



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