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Sunday 23 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went shopping. At the counter, the cashier started flirting with me and asked me for my number. He was cute, so I gave it to him. After walking out of the store, I got a text that said, "I didn't want to say it out loud, but your pants are unzipped." FML

#20427288
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37553) - you deserved it (5238)

On 12/28/2012 at 2:49am - misc - by Ren - United States (Ohio)

Today, I told my husband to tell me his wildest fantasy. He told me it was to put on fake antlers and "do it like deer". FML

#20415339
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37405) - you deserved it (7910)

On 12/23/2012 at 1:19am - intimacy - by Kasey Eames - United States (California)

Today, the highly intoxicated singer of my band decided it would be a wonderful idea to squat down and take a shit on stage in the middle of a gig. FML

#20408486
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37260) - you deserved it (4286)

On 12/20/2012 at 3:16am - misc - by dudeyouarefired -

Today, I auditioned for a role in ballet. My stomach was in pain and as I ran to be lifted into the air by my partner, I let out a huge fart. The auditorium was dead silent. FML

#20429501
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37253) - you deserved it (4089)

On 12/29/2012 at 4:32am - misc - by gassy - United States (Washington)

Today, while at the airport waiting for my flight, I sat down next to a mother and her son. As I pulled out a water bottle, she leaned over to her son and said, "Promise me you will never do what the man next to you just did." I have no idea what the hell I did wrong. FML

Today, I had plans for a romantic night with my boyfriend, who is perfect in every way possible. We were going to have sex for the first time as well. Unfortunately, I had a dream last night about him shitting all over me and I can't look at him with a straight face. FML

#20403258
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37050) - you deserved it (14256)

On 12/17/2012 at 3:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my house was broken into. The cop that came turned out to be a guy I fought over a girl with in high school. He sneered and said that everything appeared to be in order, and that I probably ransacked my own house. FML

#20408586
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36940) - you deserved it (8639)

On 12/20/2012 at 6:19am - misc - by doblex (man) - United States

Today, my mom and I went to Best Buy for some Christmas shopping. She picked up some presents for me and told me not to look at what she was buying. When we got to the register, she didn't have enough money, and I ended up having to buy my own presents. FML

#20413996
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36819) - you deserved it (3094)

On 12/22/2012 at 3:25pm - money - by dude, where's my balls? :( (man) - United States (Alaska)

Today, I sent a cute, jokey text to my girlfriend saying, "Just in case the world ends, I love you." Not only did she dump me because I was an "idiot for believing in the doomsday", which I don't, she also wrote a Facebook status about it. Now everyone thinks I'm mentally unstable. FML

#20409563
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36690) - you deserved it (6623)

On 12/20/2012 at 7:37pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Norway (Vestfold)

Today, I walked in on my son and his friend comparing their penis sizes. They're 6. FML

#20415295
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36310) - you deserved it (5114)

On 12/23/2012 at 1:02am - misc - by oh my son - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to a urinal next to an elderly gentleman. As I was doing my business, he zips up and begins to leave. On his way out, he leans over my shoulder and whispers in my ear, "That's nice". FML

#20424687
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35778) - you deserved it (2854)

On 12/26/2012 at 11:03pm - misc - by hborkowski (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I confronted my 18-year-old daughter about her excessively lengthy showers. She said she didn't see the big deal, considering the water "comes free with the house." No dear, it doesn't. FML

#20414355
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35416) - you deserved it (5567)

On 12/22/2012 at 6:29pm - kids - by Jane (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend is seriously mad at me for telling his cat what he got it for Christmas. FML

#20415555
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35287) - you deserved it (8372)

On 12/23/2012 at 3:24am - animals - by Kate (woman) - United States (Missouri)



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