Wednesday 19 December 2012 
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Today, I told my boyfriend that I'm pregnant. He seemed excited, and said we should make the baby fat so he can bounce her on his lap and watch her double chin jiggle. Just to prove he's serious, he's been searching for high-calorie foods for babies. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30698) - you deserved it (5235)
On 12/18/2012 at 12:33pm - kids - by fatbabysyndrome (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, while at the airport waiting for my flight, I sat down next to a mother and her son. As I pulled out a water bottle, she leaned over to her son and said, "Promise me you will never do what the man next to you just did." I have no idea what the hell I did wrong. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30612) - you deserved it (2777)
Today, it's my wedding anniversary; my husband forgot. My daughter gave me two beautiful long stem roses and said she would look after her sister while we went out to celebrate. My daughter is more romantic and thoughtful than my own husband. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30565) - you deserved it (3022)
On 12/20/2012 at 10:31pm - love - by igiveup (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my husband told my mother-in-law that we're trying to have a baby. She decided to call me and explain in extreme detail what positions to try, and when. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30320) - you deserved it (2973)
On 12/17/2012 at 1:48pm - intimacy - by crazy mother in law (woman) -
Today, I was hit in the head by a golf ball. I wasn't near a golf course, and nobody was anywhere in sight. I'm still trying to figure out what happened. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30029) - you deserved it (2687)
On 12/17/2012 at 2:38pm - health - by wtf - United States
Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he flicks my clitoris just right, my legs both twitch spastically regardless of arousal level. He thinks it's hilarious and can no longer take sex seriously. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29884) - you deserved it (2655)
On 12/26/2012 at 4:20pm - intimacy - by geewhy (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm. It was great until mid-gasm when she swung her arm out and knocked me out. She still can't stop laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29829) - you deserved it (4043)
On 12/24/2012 at 2:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Surrey)
Today, it was my first time at the club. I saw a really cute girl. I finally worked up the courage to ask her to dance. Before I even got within five feet of her, she looked me in the eyes and vehemently shook her head. I did a 180. My friends saw everything. They are still laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29762) - you deserved it (3026)
On 12/22/2012 at 6:21am - misc - by divingconfidence (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I dyed my naturally-blonde hair dark brown. Upon seeing me, my boyfriend immediately wanted to have sex, because I now remind him of his favourite porn star. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29672) - you deserved it (9019)
On 12/22/2012 at 12:56pm - intimacy - by brunetteshavemorefun (woman) - United Kingdom (Lancashire)
Today, I walked in on my son and his friend comparing their penis sizes. They're 6. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29505) - you deserved it (3691)
On 12/23/2012 at 1:02am - misc - by oh my son - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I took my 5-year old daughter to get a photo taken with Santa, when she asked the dreaded question of why this Santa looked different from one at the other store. Before I could placate her, some cunt of a kid yelled, "Because he's not real, dumbass!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (29390) - you deserved it (4234)
On 12/23/2012 at 4:36pm - kids - by still had to pay (man) - Australia
Today, I gave my husband an early Christmas present: Santa-themed lingerie. He got angry and called me selfish, for "using" him as an excuse to get myself nice stuff. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29216) - you deserved it (9058)
On 12/24/2012 at 1:06pm - intimacy - by selfishsexysanta (woman) - United States
Today, I sent a cute, jokey text to my girlfriend saying, "Just in case the world ends, I love you." Not only did she dump me because I was an "idiot for believing in the doomsday", which I don't, she also wrote a Facebook status about it. Now everyone thinks I'm mentally unstable. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29126) - you deserved it (4855)
On 12/20/2012 at 7:37pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Norway (Vestfold)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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