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Tuesday 11 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I wanted nothing more than to go home and get into bed. While I was unlocking my front door, the flimsy key snapped off inside the lock. A locksmith was called out, who did nothing but sadistically guffaw at my misfortune and crack sarcastic jokes as he undid the lock. FML

#20399681
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21476) - you deserved it (2450)

On 12/14/2012 at 6:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, in the midst of his ongoing mid-life crisis, my dad forced me to accompany him for some father-son bonding. The bonding involved me driving us away at high speed after he gleefully hurled a bucket of paint all over a store window. FML

#20399692
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21450) - you deserved it (2243)

On 12/14/2012 at 6:20pm - misc - by theslutmuncher (man) - Germany (Sachsen-Anhalt)

Today, after an extensive talk with a relationship counselor, we concluded that I'm more likely to get run over by a car than be in a stable relationship. FML

#20397555
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21184) - you deserved it (2726)

On 12/13/2012 at 3:01am - love - by Hit-and-Run - Mexico (Chihuahua)

Today, I ate brunch at my in-laws. The food all tasted off to me so I didn't eat much, telling my mother-in-law I was watching my weight. Later on, while out doing a bit of shopping, I stopped at a red light. Guess who pulled up next to me while I was scarfing a fast food burger. FML

#20405883
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21119) - you deserved it (28349)

On 12/18/2012 at 5:02pm - misc - by drkate25 - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was pulled over and administered a sobriety test due to an officer's suspicion that I was driving under the influence. I was completely sober, and, apparently, I suck at driving. FML

#20401642
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20718) - you deserved it (11212)

On 12/16/2012 at 2:27am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I announced to my coworkers that I'd "fixed the massive problem" they'd all been complaining about. Eleven different people made guesses at what the problem had been, ranging from how bad I smell to if I had learned to brush my teeth. I just meant that I'd fixed the coffee machine. FML

#20201213
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19108) - you deserved it (7822)

On 12/11/2012 at 10:50pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I saw a man in an army uniform. As a bit of a patriot, I went up to thank him for his service. After about 10 minutes of me going on and on, he started laughing. He wasn't a soldier. FML

#20405129
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17190) - you deserved it (27629)

On 12/18/2012 at 2:48am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I sent an email to my boss saying I'd fixed a glitch in our mail servers. He called me later, angrily shouting that I'd done a piss-poor job of fixing it, because my email had spammed his inbox with several hundred duplicate messages. FML

#20399685
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16505) - you deserved it (9904)

On 12/14/2012 at 6:16pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Somerset)

Today, I was in the mall for the second day in a row with my 7-year-old brother. As we walked past Santa he asked me, "Why does Santa look different today"? Not thinking, I said, "Because each mall has a different Santa." FML

#20405502
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13825) - you deserved it (34397)

On 12/18/2012 at 11:50am - kids - by I said whaat -

Today, my girlfriend felt bad about a rude comment she made to me, and asked me to insult her in return. I told her she was getting fat. Wrong move; now she's not speaking to me. FML

#20199046
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12789) - you deserved it (41540)

On 12/10/2012 at 1:09pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I took a relaxing bath, but got the book I was reading slightly wet when getting out. I put it on top of the towel dryer after delicately shaking it. Five minutes later, I heard a splash; I went into the bathroom to find that my book had toppled into the toilet bowl. FML

#20403223
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12574) - you deserved it (25459)

On 12/17/2012 at 2:33am - misc - by LemmyIsWet (man) - United States

Today, I hid my weed stash in a bag from an expensive jewellery store. My sister walked into my room, went "Ooh, what's this?" and grabbed the bag. I grabbed it back and ad-libbed that it was her Christmas gift. Now I actually have to buy her expensive jewellery. FML

#20405613
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12129) - you deserved it (61257)

On 12/18/2012 at 1:28pm - misc - by junkie (woman) - Belgium (Antwerpen)

Today, I accidentally left my textbook at home. Normally this wouldn't be an issue, but today was my class final. Since it was an open-book final, I'd decided not to study for it. I'm pretty sure I failed. FML

#20201964
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9385) - you deserved it (35656)

On 12/12/2012 at 2:14pm - misc - by dumbassgrad - United States (California)



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