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Sunday 9 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm breaking up with her because she's very abusive. After a couple of seconds of awkward silence, she kicked me in the nuts and ran away. FML

#20189170
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27356) - you deserved it (3684)

On 12/03/2012 at 6:53am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada

Today, I came home to find all of the wood in my house either broken or gone. On the now legless table there was a note from my mother, saying that she needed the wood to build a boat, and that I will thank her when the world ends. FML

#20197527
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27220) - you deserved it (1570)

On 12/09/2012 at 10:29am - misc - by woodless (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at a Christmas party, my crush came up to me and cutely pointed out that I was standing under mistletoe. The only response my stupid brain could think of was, "Probably full of nargles though." He gave me a confused look and walked away. FML

#20402533
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27217) - you deserved it (12872)

On 12/16/2012 at 6:51pm - love - by Rhine (woman) - Barbados (Saint Michael)

Today, when my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I got a nose bleed. He gave me a shirt to plug it with and kept going. FML

#20195821
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27046) - you deserved it (4752)

On 12/08/2012 at 12:33am - intimacy - by anon - United States

Today, my son got suspended from school. He's in kindergarten. FML

#20201910
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26982) - you deserved it (6706)

On 12/12/2012 at 1:32pm - kids - by Renzy (woman) -

Today, I woke up to find my best friend lying down and unresponsive. Frightened, I tapped on the glass. He got scared and started swimming again. My best friend is a fish. FML

#20199342
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26793) - you deserved it (6296)

On 12/10/2012 at 5:40pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Vastmanlands Lan)

Today, after my girlfriend has recently become obsessed with the serial-killer show, Dexter, she has grown an interest in cutting up pomegranates in many different ways and squirting the red, blood-like juice everywhere. I am now afraid to argue with her. FML

#20400460
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26790) - you deserved it (2980)

On 12/15/2012 at 7:33am - love - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I thought I felt something itch my butt as I sat down on the toilet. Sure it was just my imagination, I did my business. When I was done I saw there were 4 cockroaches crawling under the seat. FML

#20194684
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26782) - you deserved it (4177)

On 12/07/2012 at 12:46am - misc - by lingadoo - Kuwait (Al Kuwayt)

Today, I realized the dress I bought yesterday still had the security tag on. I returned to the store to get it removed, only to realize my receipt was misplaced. The lady at the counter thought I stole it, called security, and had me escorted out, dress-less. FML

#20196308
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26745) - you deserved it (3870)

On 12/08/2012 at 12:12pm - money - by bitchsawmebuyit - United States (New York)

Today, it's my birthday and my ex husband texted me at midnight to tell happy birthday. Too bad he couldn't have texted my new husband to remind him. FML

#20196242
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26650) - you deserved it (4765)

On 12/08/2012 at 11:12am - love - by aerythia - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I played a game of Monopoly with my friends. Since I'm of Greek origin, they thought it would be funny to make me start with a €100,000 debt. FML

#20398504
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26536) - you deserved it (4932) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 12/13/2012 at 9:25pm - money - by Money-money-money (woman) - France

Today, I ran into my infant daughter's room because I thought I heard her crying, and found she was still sound asleep in her crib. The screams were coming from the mouse our cat was using to paint her bedroom walls. FML

#20400604
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26522) - you deserved it (2016)

On 12/15/2012 at 10:55am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was getting intimate with my current bootycall when he thought it would be funny to make animal sounds. He "baa-ed" "moo-ed" and "gobbled" until losing his erection from intense laughter, leaving me there very confused and unsatisfied. FML

#20198007
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26182) - you deserved it (9216)

On 12/09/2012 at 5:46pm - intimacy - by Bug5992 (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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