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Sunday 2 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I have three cracked ribs. I have also, for the first time in my life, developed a case of the hiccups that simply will NOT go away. It's been hours. FML

#20184990
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28231) - you deserved it (1636)

On 11/30/2012 at 2:30am - health - by Atletic - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend got into the Christmas cheer while giving me a hand job, smashing my nuts with her palm in time to her humming of Jingle Bells. FML

#20188363
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28119) - you deserved it (4312)

On 12/02/2012 at 6:39pm - intimacy - by fineididntwantkidsanyway (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I had a presentation in French class. I was so nervous, the first thing I said when I got up there was, "Hola." FML

#20193303
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28016) - you deserved it (5137)

On 12/06/2012 at 12:35am - work - by SpanishInFrenchClass (woman) - United States

Today, I had some soup that my dad made. I took one sip and found he had put tons of hot sauce in it. I rushed to drink from a soda can sitting on the counter, only to find that my mom had used it as an ash tray the night before. I can still taste the hot sauce, and the ash. FML

#20179829
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27738) - you deserved it (3161)

On 11/26/2012 at 3:13pm - misc - by Autocorrected - Philippines (Manila)

Today, I was bartending. A guest was getting belligerent so I had to cut him off. He called me a bitch and threw the rest of his drink in my face before storming off. The belligerent asscandle was my boyfriend. FML

#20193528
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27693) - you deserved it (4502)

On 12/06/2012 at 6:50am - love - by FMyEx - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by throwing my stuff out of his place, and accusing me of cheating while yelling, "Cheater, cheater! Pumpkin eater!" When I tried explaining that I have no clue what he's talking about, he started exclaiming, "Liar, liar! Pants on fire!" FML

#20180296
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27665) - you deserved it (3270)

On 11/26/2012 at 8:41pm - love - by imnotacheateryouimmaturefuck (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I brought a boy over to my house to help with a history project. My mom suddenly swooped in and bombarded him with questions about his and my sex life, and how she wants to have exactly four grandchildren. FML

#20186150
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27532) - you deserved it (2112)

On 12/01/2012 at 1:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, after being single for a while now, I unwillingly went on a blind date with a guy my friend convinced me would be perfect for me. He took me to McDonald's; his father was with him the whole entire time. He is 27. FML

#20180462
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27381) - you deserved it (2217)

On 11/26/2012 at 10:13pm - love - by N - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, while working at my local supermarket, I found a boy lost and wandering about, so I took him to the front desk. My reward from his mother was a slap around the face and harsh words for supposedly having kidnapped him. FML

#20183959
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27290) - you deserved it (1758)

On 11/29/2012 at 1:08pm - work - by bitch i'm a gerontophile (man) - Taiwan

Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. After dessert, he went to the bathroom so I quickly called the waiter over and paid the bill, thinking it was a nice gesture. When he returned, he broke up with me for "emasculating" him. FML

#20180957
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27287) - you deserved it (4367)

On 11/27/2012 at 6:36am - love - by Clementine (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my science class found out that I have OCD and that one of my rituals is to cough when others cough. This is going to be a long year. FML

#20191703
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26995) - you deserved it (4083)

On 12/04/2012 at 11:09pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I heard a teenage boy ask his friend, "So, is it, like, November in Australia too?" This is the future of America. FML

#20179140
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26980) - you deserved it (2673)

On 11/26/2012 at 12:27am - kids - by toritoratora - United States (California)

Today, I sent in an assignment from my batshit insane teacher. The assignment was to read a poem, analyze it, and make a comic of its plot. This would've been fine if the teacher who assigned it to me didn't teach math. FML



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