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Sunday 2 December 2012

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Today, two of my friends condemned me for being "narrow-minded", because I couldn't help but laugh at the thought that someone would believe mermaids actually exist. FML

by so pray to ariel about it, dipshits / 11/30/2012 at 2:29pm / United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, I bought some expensive fabric softener since I'm not too keen on my detergent's smell. Only after washing two weeks worth of laundry did I discover that mixed together they realistically mimic the smell of fresh puke. FML

by backtothelaundrettethen / 12/03/2012 at 6:40am / Germany / Miscellaneous

Today, I got punched in the face after a stranger asked for a light, didn't realize it was a butane lighter and burnt the tip of his nose lighting his cigarette. Now my nose looks worse than his. FML

by chinousmc / 12/06/2012 at 6:30am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I met up with a few old friends for some wine and munchies. The main topics of conversation were colonoscopies, lactose intolerance and specific symptoms of irritable bowel syndrome. I'm sleeping over at one of their houses. Only 20 more hours to go. FML

by Randiluck / 11/29/2012 at 8:00pm / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, I bought my son a nice car for his 18th birthday. When I gave it to him, he just got mad and told me that if I really wanted to spend that much money on him, I should've used it to help him pay for college. FML

by Anonymous / 12/05/2012 at 6:27am / Israel / Kids

Today, in a state of extreme boredom, I decided to dress my 6-month-old son in girl's clothes. As he sat in my lap in a frilly dress, and as I was placing a very pink and lacy bow on his head, my mother-in-law unexpectedly walked in. She now thinks I'm mentally unstable and should be in therapy. FML

by ekm86 / 11/26/2012 at 11:52am / United States (Oregon) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, during a conversation, my boss said, "What, what?" Before I could stop myself, I replied, "In the butt." FML

by whitecollar / 12/04/2012 at 9:43pm / United Kingdom (York) / Work

Today, my boyfriend and I had a disagreement over the pronunciation of the word "train." It turned into a heated debate that lasted all night and ended with us sleeping in separate rooms. FML

by superminty / 12/04/2012 at 3:12am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boss was telling everyone that he knew a guy who went to a college at which multiple people were shot and killed recently. Being extremely socially awkward and uncomfortable, I blurted, "That's awesome." Now everyone in the office is terrified of me. FML

by Adan / 12/04/2012 at 4:34pm / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, I was sitting cross-legged, idly jerkin' the gherkin. I guess I got slightly carried away, because I zoned out, forgot where I was aiming, and came all over the side of my face, up my nose and into my eye. FML

by SamWGovan / 12/09/2012 at 11:57am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, Muse cancelled their upcoming show in Oslo. I bought my sold-out tickets on the black market for double the retail price, and have no way of getting my money back. FML

by faen / 11/29/2012 at 4:12pm / Norway (Sogn og Fjordane) / Miscellaneous

Today, I played paintball with a bunch of friends. By the end of the day, my girlfriend and I were the only people left on the field. She shot me mercilessly, and I screamed like a little girl. 30 people watched, 4 people filmed. FML

by Z / 11/26/2012 at 5:26am / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, I made a positive remark to the owner of my local groceries store for employing a special needs girl. Not only is the girl not mentally handicapped, she's also the owner's daughter. FML

by Vassy / 12/04/2012 at 1:51pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous