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Friday 30 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying I needed to come home immediately. When I got there, he informed me that the reason I needed to rush home from work was because he wiped a booger on the wall and it was in the shape of a penis. He said it's a sign, like when people see Jesus in toast. FML

#20189885
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24426) - you deserved it (3270)

On 12/03/2012 at 7:38pm - misc - by FlyingFist - United States

Today, while I was at a urinal, a man came up to use the one next to me. He then said, "I guess this is where all the dicks hang out." He then stared at me until I left. FML

#20190054
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24369) - you deserved it (1905)

On 12/03/2012 at 9:14pm - misc - by reedcarter -

Today, I walked out of my apartment to see that someone had climbed onto the hood of my car and taken a shit on my windshield. I only moved in a couple of weeks ago. FML

#20189050
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24366) - you deserved it (1721)

On 12/03/2012 at 2:36am - misc - by poopsthegame - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my dad to pay me as he promised, after I cut the lawn and cleaned all the house windows last week. His response was, "Get fucked." FML

#20188543
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24362) - you deserved it (3041)

On 12/02/2012 at 8:57pm - misc - by :/ (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my elbow was having cramps and movement issues as a result of an old set of surgical pins and wires that are being rejected by my body. One painful twitch caused my arm to lock out straight, unintentionally slapping my hand into my co-worker's crotch. Our waiting customers giggled. FML

Today, my cat peed on my bra. I didn't realize this until after I arrived at work for my 12-hour shift. Now I'm trying to wash my bra out in the sink and stuff paper towels down it to soak up the moisture. Only 10 more hours to go, and the smell of cat pee is still lingering. FML

#20185014
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24203) - you deserved it (4548)

On 11/30/2012 at 3:33am - work - by onlyslightly (woman) - United States

Today, it's my 21st birthday and my dad has decided to take away my ID in fear that if I have even one drink to celebrate I'll become a raging alcoholic. FML

#20189765
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24204) - you deserved it (2529)

On 12/03/2012 at 6:01pm - misc - by VedaLynn - United States

Today, I caught the train into the city. Halfway there some kids hopped on smelling of marijuana and alcohol. Their topic of discussion? How much pubic hair they had. FML

#20183521
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23978) - you deserved it (3177)

On 11/29/2012 at 12:40am - kids - by fabs1171 - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, while getting a hernia exam, I accidentally ran my fingers through my doctor's hair. FML

#20188881
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23974) - you deserved it (8566)

On 12/03/2012 at 12:06am - health - by WTFFAIL (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, in my AP Biology class, a student informed us she'd read that Antarctica had completely melted due to global warming, to which my friend gushed, "Yeah! It's been melted for, like, months." FML

#20193921
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23969) - you deserved it (2059)

On 12/06/2012 at 3:47pm - misc - by bieberslayer (woman) - United States

Today, I got into a fight with my girlfriend. After yelling and arguing my point, my cat got up and jumped up next to her on the bed. He sat down, and they both glared at me until I left. FML

#20189474
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23818) - you deserved it (4088)

On 12/03/2012 at 2:02pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my 5 kids were singing their favorite Christmas carols in the van, each trying to sing louder than the others. It would have probably sounded better if they were all singing the same one. FML

#20183806
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23725) - you deserved it (4288)

On 11/29/2012 at 9:22am - kids - by Dave (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, at a talent show, my band got booed before we even started playing. FML

#20188582
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23599) - you deserved it (3170)

On 12/02/2012 at 9:26pm - misc - by disembob - United Kingdom



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