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Thursday 29 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by throwing my stuff out of his place, and accusing me of cheating while yelling, "Cheater, cheater! Pumpkin eater!" When I tried explaining that I have no clue what he's talking about, he started exclaiming, "Liar, liar! Pants on fire!" FML

#20180296
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24652) - you deserved it (2981)

On 11/26/2012 at 8:41pm - love - by imnotacheateryouimmaturefuck (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my wife, who is supposed to be a recovering alcoholic, drank an entire bottle of wine and then tried to hide it at the bottom of a garbage bin. To make matters worse, when I confronted her about it, she tried to convince me that our 5-year-old daughter had drunk it. FML

#20194263
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24575) - you deserved it (1670)

On 12/06/2012 at 8:07pm - misc - by Matt8 (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend got into the Christmas cheer while giving me a hand job, smashing my nuts with her palm in time to her humming of Jingle Bells. FML

#20188363
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24542) - you deserved it (3939)

On 12/02/2012 at 6:39pm - intimacy - by fineididntwantkidsanyway (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. After dessert, he went to the bathroom so I quickly called the waiter over and paid the bill, thinking it was a nice gesture. When he returned, he broke up with me for "emasculating" him. FML

#20180957
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24197) - you deserved it (4064)

On 11/27/2012 at 6:36am - love - by Clementine (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I had some soup that my dad made. I took one sip and found he had put tons of hot sauce in it. I rushed to drink from a soda can sitting on the counter, only to find that my mom had used it as an ash tray the night before. I can still taste the hot sauce, and the ash. FML

#20179829
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24160) - you deserved it (2773)

On 11/26/2012 at 3:13pm - misc - by Autocorrected - Philippines (Manila)

Today, I was bartending. A guest was getting belligerent so I had to cut him off. He called me a bitch and threw the rest of his drink in my face before storming off. The belligerent asscandle was my boyfriend. FML

#20193528
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24082) - you deserved it (4106)

On 12/06/2012 at 6:50am - love - by FMyEx - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my daughter called me to pick her up at the mall. She said I had to meet her inside a specific store, so I figured she wanted me to pay for something. Turns out I was right, she was being arrested for shoplifting. FML

#20193017
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24061) - you deserved it (2391)

On 12/05/2012 at 9:32pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I brought a boy over to my house to help with a history project. My mom suddenly swooped in and bombarded him with questions about his and my sex life, and how she wants to have exactly four grandchildren. FML

#20186150
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23955) - you deserved it (1813)

On 12/01/2012 at 1:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boss called me Dave. Now everyone actually thinks my name is Dave. It's Nathan. I've been working there for 2 years. FML

#20181011
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23895) - you deserved it (2041)

On 11/27/2012 at 8:16am - work - by nato (man) - United States

Today, after being single for a while now, I unwillingly went on a blind date with a guy my friend convinced me would be perfect for me. He took me to McDonald's; his father was with him the whole entire time. He is 27. FML

#20180462
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23840) - you deserved it (1953)

On 11/26/2012 at 10:13pm - love - by N - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house when I got a call from my parents. They told me to come home immediately. Panicking, I rushed home. My dad pulled out a clear tube filled with dried leaves. They accused me of having marijuana. It was catnip for my kitten. FML

#20187165
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23729) - you deserved it (1776)

On 12/01/2012 at 9:01pm - misc - by potheadloljk (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, while working at my local supermarket, I found a boy lost and wandering about, so I took him to the front desk. My reward from his mother was a slap around the face and harsh words for supposedly having kidnapped him. FML

#20183959
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23694) - you deserved it (1489)

On 11/29/2012 at 1:08pm - work - by bitch i'm a gerontophile (man) - Taiwan

Today, I heard a teenage boy ask his friend, "So, is it, like, November in Australia too?" This is the future of America. FML

#20179140
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23534) - you deserved it (2349)

On 11/26/2012 at 12:27am - kids - by toritoratora - United States (California)



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