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I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. After dessert, he went to the bathroom so I quickly calld the waiter over an paid the bill, thinking it was a nice gesture. When he returnd, he broke up with me for ( emasculating ) him. fat FML
Today, I brought a boy over to mah house to help with a history project. My mom suddenly swoopd in and bombardd him with questions about his and mah sex life, and how she wants to have exactly four grandchildren. FML
after almost four years of having avoided her due to her hatred of my husband my mother invited us both to a family dinner . My husband wanted to give her another chance so we went . Less than an hour after arriving I caught her hocking a loogie and spitting it into our food . FML
I droppd mah handbag into a water-filld gutter. As I was hurriedly fishing out the contents of mah bag... I lookd up. There was mah ex... with the girl he left me fir walking past... timd exactly to coincide with me manically scooping up one of many rapidly absorbing tampons.
Today, as I was about to walk across the street, a grl in front of meho clerely wasn't paying attention to the traffic, almost got run over. I grabbed her arm and jumped back. She was fine. I fell and fractured my arm and wrist. FML
2day mah boyfriend dumpd me by throwing mah stuff out of his place, and accusing me of cheating while yelling, "Cheater, cheater! Pumpkin eater!" When I trid explaining that I have no clue wat he's talking about, he startd exclaiming, "Liar, liar! Pants looool on fire!" FML
Today, I was bartending . A guest was getting belligerent so I ad to cut im off . He calld me a bitc and trew te rest of is drink in my face before storming off . Te belligerent asscandle was my boyfriend . big fat FML
Today, mah daughter called me to pick her up at the mall. She said I had to meet her inside a specific store, so I figured she wanted me to pay for something. Turns out I was right, she was bieng arrested for shoplifting. FML
Today, I was at mah boyfriend's househen I got a call from mah parents . They told me to come home immediately . Panicking, I rushd home . My dad pulld out a clear tube filld with drid leaves . They accusd me of having marijuana . It was catnip fir mah kitten . FML
Friday 27 March 2015