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Saturday 24 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my girlfriend dared me to put on her bra and panties and give her a lap dance. Feeling spontaneous, I decided to do it. Just as I was getting really into it, she told me I was on webcam for all her friends. Apparently it was a contest of who had their boyfriend the most whipped. She won. FML

#20174722
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43534) - you deserved it (12882)

On 11/23/2012 at 1:14am - intimacy - by Embarassed (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex when the condom broke. He told me to go put a tampon in to "soak up the kids". How did he graduate? FML

#20186465
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39799) - you deserved it (6359)

On 12/01/2012 at 9:54am - intimacy - by me. - United States

Today, I was watching a video from the 80s on sexual dysfunctions, and I noticed that one of the boys in the film looked strangely like my dad when he was younger. After a little investigation, I now know that in his youth, my dad had a crippling masturbation problem. FML

#20181345
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36304) - you deserved it (3184)

On 11/27/2012 at 4:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, someone very close to me came out of the closet. Normally I would fully support them, had we not just gotten married. FML

#20181869
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35534) - you deserved it (2181)

On 11/27/2012 at 10:08pm - love - by Bliggins - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, as part of my job as a swimming instructor, I had to help a teenage boy learn how to float. This involves supporting the person's back as they try to float. His boner stood straight up. FML

#20185787
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34151) - you deserved it (3198)

On 11/30/2012 at 8:02pm - intimacy - by julia (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he'd rather play the new Assassin's Creed game or have a night of sex with me. He started crying from indecision. FML

#20176354
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31974) - you deserved it (10267)

On 11/24/2012 at 8:54am - intimacy - by ladylol (woman) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. He definitely killed the mood when, while down there, he started saying, "Nomnomnomnom." FML

#20169456
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31036) - you deserved it (4718)

On 11/19/2012 at 12:46pm - intimacy - by wow babe - United States (Maryland)

Today, an hour after having been turned down for sex, I walked in on my wife fingering herself to a copy of War and Peace. FML

#20178424
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30784) - you deserved it (3761)

On 11/25/2012 at 4:34pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)

Today, I was going to give my baby daughter an empty Pringles tin to play with on the floor. I saw some crumbs at the bottom, so I emptied the can in my mouth before I gave it to her. I crunched hard and spat them out, realizing my boyfriend had just cut his toenails into the can. FML

#20184636
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29244) - you deserved it (8467)

On 11/29/2012 at 10:00pm - misc - by lizzard0416 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, it's our third anniversary. After a candlelit dinner and a midnight boat ride, my wife turned down sex, because "it's too cliché." FML

#20179174
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28600) - you deserved it (2754)

On 11/26/2012 at 12:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm now about 15 pounds overweight. When I called him a hypocrite as he's over 40 pounds overweight, he said that his weight didn't matter because "it's the girl's job to look hot." FML

#20171204
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28158) - you deserved it (4328)

On 11/20/2012 at 4:57pm - health - by thinner than you (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my husband quit his job as a university professor and picked up the graveyard shift at a rat farm so he could have more time during the day to play World of Warcraft. FML

#20182185
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28109) - you deserved it (2617)

On 11/28/2012 at 1:32am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my girlfriend of 6 months yelled at me for not comforting her while she was crying because her ex got a new girlfriend, and "it's just not fair." FML

#20169074
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27919) - you deserved it (2103)

On 11/19/2012 at 2:13am - love - by they've been broken up for a year. - United States (Texas)



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