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Saturday 24 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by waking him up with a blowjob, because he had always told me that it was a sexy fantasy of his. When he finally woke up, he got pissed off, rudely accused me of interrupting his beauty sleep, then soundly lay back down and fell asleep again. FML

#20169340
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27584) - you deserved it (3379)

On 11/19/2012 at 10:12am - intimacy - by nextcontestant16 - United States

Today, I ran into my sister, who nobody in the family has seen in six years. She looked very happy working the pole. FML

#20179890
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27527) - you deserved it (3209)

On 11/26/2012 at 3:54pm - misc - by Teddy (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I caught my teenage daughter smoking, and tried calmly explaining to her that it's quite bad for her health. She replied with, "It doesn't harm you if you're under 20." FML

#20174862
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26144) - you deserved it (4163)

On 11/23/2012 at 4:07am - kids - by RyanJarmanForPresident (woman) - United States

Today, I realized I'd put on my shirt on inside out, so I went to the bathroom stalls to fix it. As I was taking it off, I accidentally dropped it in the toilet. FML

#20169668
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25776) - you deserved it (4998)

On 11/19/2012 at 4:08pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, at the age of 29, I now have a relationship on par with a teenager's. Several weeks ago, my fiancé and I lost our home, and are now back living with our respective families. We now have no privacy. I actually just got dropped off at home, before 10, after having sex in a hay field. FML

#20168945
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25735) - you deserved it (3693)

On 11/19/2012 at 12:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my step-mom threw out some of the "boxes of junk" in my room, because apparently, I'm a pack rat. I guess she and everyone else in my family won't be receiving those Christmas presents. FML

#20177886
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25514) - you deserved it (1290)

On 11/25/2012 at 8:28am - money - by WritingWrongs - United States

Today, my husband ran a nice warm bubble bath with extra bubbles. I undressed and slid down into the tub only to have the most ungodly pain go up my backside. Turns out he knocked his razor into the water when he added the bubbles. I now have two butt cracks. FML

#20181043
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25344) - you deserved it (1367)

On 11/27/2012 at 9:32am - misc - by Cracky - United States (Maryland)

Today, my girlfriend started bawling, saying that our relationship wouldn't work. Why? Because if Justin and Selena can't do it, no one can. FML

#20178699
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25335) - you deserved it (2929)

On 11/25/2012 at 7:55pm - love - by nonbelieber (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my long-distance boyfriend and I decided to be a bit naughty on Skype. It was 3am so we assumed that my dad was asleep and did some dirty talk. When we were done, I heard my dad laughing outside my room; he'd heard it all. FML

#20170222
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25176) - you deserved it (14223)

On 11/19/2012 at 10:19pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I found out my girlfriend of 3 years has been cheating on me. When I explained the situation to the "other guy", he exclaimed that I was lying because I was jealous and trying to ruin his relationship. He punched me in the face. FML

#20177730
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24734) - you deserved it (2373)

On 11/25/2012 at 3:09am - love - by king400 - United States (California)

Today, I got into a car accident. The guy wouldn't give me his information, but instead stood there saying, "Like a good neighbor, Statefarm is there." FML

#20176033
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24135) - you deserved it (1668)

On 11/24/2012 at 12:55am - misc - by Read The Fine Print - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend accused me of cheating, because I tipped our waitress at dinner. FML

#20186136
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23995) - you deserved it (2130)

On 12/01/2012 at 12:59am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I came home to my mother-in-law wearing the gold chain which I usually keep in a hidden drawer. I searched my drawer only to find out my chain was missing. I asked my mother-in-law if she took it and she keeps denying the fact that she stole it from me. My husband is on her side. FML

#20183636
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23591) - you deserved it (1339)

On 11/29/2012 at 3:01am - misc - by elizabeth - United States (Nevada)



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