Monday 19 November 2012 
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Today, my dog climbed onto the dining room table to eat the cat's food. Then whined until I showed him how to get down. He does this every night. My dog is a genius. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10652) - you deserved it (2982)
On 11/21/2012 at 12:00am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)
Today, I woke up to my balls covered in Icy Hot, a big old "fuck you" note from my girlfriend, and my door slamming shut. I'm starting to get the distinct impression I shouldn't have made that off-hand remark last night about her PMSing, after she rage-quit a game of Mario Kart. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10122) - you deserved it (20365)
On 11/25/2012 at 5:38pm - love - by dumping time (man) - United Kingdom (Kent)
Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9039) - you deserved it (25211)
On 11/20/2012 at 3:43am - intimacy - by kinkicali (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was messing around with my wife. I grabbed her boobs and said, "Honk honk". Unbeknownst to me, my daughter saw it. Now my 3-year-old girl runs around honking everyone. Even her grandparents. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8786) - you deserved it (22145)
On 11/21/2012 at 8:20pm - kids - by piemasterzim (man) - Canada
Today, in a state of extreme boredom, I decided to dress my 6-month-old son in girl's clothes. As he sat in my lap in a frilly dress, and as I was placing a very pink and lacy bow on his head, my mother-in-law unexpectedly walked in. She now thinks I'm mentally unstable and should be in therapy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8513) - you deserved it (25118)
On 11/26/2012 at 11:52am - kids - by ekm86 (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, this guy I've been dating for a few months freaked out and called his mom crying, because I told him I might be pregnant with his baby. He is 27. I didn't even take a pregnancy test yet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8465) - you deserved it (17920)
On 11/20/2012 at 2:45pm - misc - by babyblues (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my cat was too overweight to get out of the litter box, so he gave up, and went to sleep. I had to pick him up out of his own waste and clean him up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8182) - you deserved it (14785)
On 11/23/2012 at 10:10am - animals - by Jeanna S. - United States
Today, my mom had a tantrum and screamed at me over my use of bronzer. She called me a selfish bitch and claimed that I'm somehow slowly giving myself skin cancer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8170) - you deserved it (9667)
On 11/24/2012 at 2:38pm - health - by Anonymous Cunt (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)
Today, I was separating my notes into two piles: one to save for exam studying and one to throw out. I finished separating, picked up the junk pile and absentmindedly shredded it. Afterwards, I looked down to see the junk pile still completely intact. Goodbye, passing grades. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8146) - you deserved it (22160)
On 11/26/2012 at 10:03pm - work - by shark - United States (Texas)
Today, I played paintball with a bunch of friends. By the end of the day, my girlfriend and I were the only people left on the field. She shot me mercilessly, and I screamed like a little girl. 30 people watched, 4 people filmed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7756) - you deserved it (16625)
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house having dinner with her and her parents. I was casually playing footsie with my girlfriend under the table, until her mom stopped eating and said, "You know that's my foot, right?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (7695) - you deserved it (18919)
On 11/20/2012 at 10:50am - misc - by Brian (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, the car in front of me in the drop-off area at my son's school parked, and the driver got out. I basically leaned on my horn and gave her every dirty look in the book. She said nothing but stared at me as she opened the back of her van to unload her child's wheelchair. I'm an asshole. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6702) - you deserved it (48972)
On 11/21/2012 at 9:03am - kids - by AHole (woman) - United States (North Dakota)
Today, I took a pregnancy test. When I saw that the result was positive, I started crying and showed my mom. She burst out laughing and told me that I had taken an ovulation test. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6542) - you deserved it (26932)
On 11/25/2012 at 10:08am - health - by I'm stupid - United States (Illinois)
Friday 24 May 2013
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