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Monday 19 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I tried to motivate my 9-year-old sister to clean her room. She said she'd only agree if she could kill me. Thinking she was just kidding around, and not a total psychopath, I said sure. She ran to her room shouting, "Yes! I'm gonna use the big knife!" She's still cleaning now. FML

#20172481
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25045) - you deserved it (5505)

On 11/21/2012 at 2:34pm - kids - by anon - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I woke up to a disappointed boyfriend. He told me he spent an hour last night farting on my pillow to see if I would wake up with pink-eye. He's 23 years old. FML

#20170920
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24879) - you deserved it (3001)

On 11/20/2012 at 12:23pm - love - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my long distance boyfriend broke up with me. Tomorrow he should be expecting the super long love letter that I poured my heart into and sent him a week ago. FML

#20176109
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24797) - you deserved it (2023)

On 11/24/2012 at 2:02am - love - by whatever (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, whilst at a red light in my car, a homeless man with a spray bottle and a dirty rag came over to clean my windows. He started with the driver's window, which was wide open, and whatever was in his spray bottle smelled suspiciously like urine. FML

#20172058
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24725) - you deserved it (1944)

On 11/21/2012 at 4:54am - misc - by WamBamSam - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, I called off my engagement, after finding out my fiancé is cheating on me. I recently started a new job, and in anticipation of getting married, I asked that my username include his surname. They can't be changed, so now I get to log in every day under that sorry bastard's surname. FML

#20170919
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24519) - you deserved it (8151)

On 11/20/2012 at 12:22pm - love - by notAMrs (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was rejected for a dream photography job that involves travelling all over the world, because according to the interviewer, half the photos in my nature portfolio were "blatantly photoshopped." I guess reality isn't realistic enough for some people. FML

#20175687
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24272) - you deserved it (1539)

On 11/23/2012 at 8:29pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I witnessed a robbery as a teenager ran out of a Walgreens with stolen goods in his hands. The manager was running after him. Trying to be helpful, I pulled forward to block the thief from getting away. The cops showed up and arrested me for hitting a pedestrian. FML

#20169022
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24212) - you deserved it (4459)

On 11/19/2012 at 1:18am - misc - by ausmill12 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had some soup that my dad made. I took one sip and found he had put tons of hot sauce in it. I rushed to drink from a soda can sitting on the counter, only to find that my mom had used it as an ash tray the night before. I can still taste the hot sauce, and the ash. FML

#20179829
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24110) - you deserved it (2772)

On 11/26/2012 at 3:13pm - misc - by Autocorrected - Philippines (Manila)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by throwing my stuff out of his place, and accusing me of cheating while yelling, "Cheater, cheater! Pumpkin eater!" When I tried explaining that I have no clue what he's talking about, he started exclaiming, "Liar, liar! Pants on fire!" FML

#20180296
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23817) - you deserved it (2904)

On 11/26/2012 at 8:41pm - love - by imnotacheateryouimmaturefuck (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after being single for a while now, I unwillingly went on a blind date with a guy my friend convinced me would be perfect for me. He took me to McDonald's; his father was with him the whole entire time. He is 27. FML

#20180462
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23788) - you deserved it (1952)

On 11/26/2012 at 10:13pm - love - by N - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I heard a teenage boy ask his friend, "So, is it, like, November in Australia too?" This is the future of America. FML

#20179140
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23466) - you deserved it (2343)

On 11/26/2012 at 12:27am - kids - by toritoratora - United States (California)

Today, I went out and bought a copy of Black Ops 2. I got home and opened the case, only to see the game disk was missing. When I went back to the store to complain, the guy at the desk accused me of trying to pull an old scam on him. FML

#20175155
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23419) - you deserved it (2309)

On 11/23/2012 at 12:20pm - money - by FUCK A FUCKING DUCK (man) - Bahamas (New Providence)

Today, while at school, a bra fell out of my coat. After the initial shock, people started congratulating me on finally getting a girlfriend. I didn't have the heart to tell them it was my mom's. FML

#20175088
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23264) - you deserved it (3241)

On 11/23/2012 at 10:56am - misc - by Tymer (man) - Canada (British Columbia)



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