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Saturday 17 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while working as a massage therapist, a client had me work on a very specific knot in his shoulder. He also happened to have a very detailed, very realistic tattoo of the crucifixion on his shoulder. I just spent 45 minutes violating Jesus. FML

#20173351
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21091) - you deserved it (3722)

On 11/22/2012 at 1:50am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized the number of cats I currently have is higher than the number of guys I've ever dated. FML

#20169381
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21078) - you deserved it (17483)

On 11/19/2012 at 11:15am - animals - by crazycatlady (woman) - United States

Today, I was playing with my four year old cousin. He had a toy whale and said, "Shark!" I corrected him and told him it was a whale. He picked it up, threw it at my face, and yelled, "SHAAARK!" FML

#20176364
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21045) - you deserved it (7388)

On 11/24/2012 at 8:59am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom has officially lost 100 pounds due to a lap-band surgery. After sharing her excitement, she also shared her troubles. She said, "Everything hangs now, even my cooter. Can they fix that?" Thank you for the mental image, mom. FML

#20159898
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20958) - you deserved it (1711)

On 11/12/2012 at 12:25am - health - by KtSue - United States

Today, I arrived home after a hard day's work to see my 12-year-old sister had greased up my 8-year-old brother with butter and olive oil, and was attempting to slide him down the wooden floorboards in the hallway. FML

#20161557
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20551) - you deserved it (2030)

On 11/13/2012 at 5:00am - kids - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, while sitting in a waiting room, a man assured me "The safety's on" after he handed his kid his BB gun. A minute later, I practically had a hole in my foot. FML

#20160435
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20532) - you deserved it (2522)

On 11/12/2012 at 1:12pm - health - by Emily - United States (California)

Today, I bought a new armband to hold my iPhone while working out so I can listen to music and I was excited to start getting in shape. Unfortunately, when I tried it on, my arm was too big and it didn't fit. FML

#20168720
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20483) - you deserved it (6527)

On 11/18/2012 at 10:13pm - health - by joe - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was singing in the shower, when some suds from my shampoo fell into my mouth and down my throat. I retched and sputtered for about two minutes before finally throwing up. FML

#20166301
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20381) - you deserved it (7347)

On 11/17/2012 at 3:45am - health - by woman - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, at work, I took an order from a stuck-up sounding lady over the phone. She said her last name was "duckling, but with an F". Bemused, I wrote her name on the order. When she arrived to pick it up later, she told me she'd said "s", not "f". FML

#20177082
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20140) - you deserved it (2881)

On 11/24/2012 at 7:25pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, I brought a fluorescent tube to the store to make sure I got the correct replacement. Trying to charm the sexy cashier, I waved the tube in the air, saying "I need a new light sabre, there is no force left in this one and the Empire is attacking." Turns out she'd never heard of Star Wars. FML

#20162883
278 comments

Today, my dad put an onion in my room, telling me spirits won't haunt me and that I won't get sick. He thinks a vegetable will protect me. FML

#20163512
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19919) - you deserved it (2517)

On 11/14/2012 at 7:48pm - health - by duhasiangirl - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out the can of spray paint I got at Walmart yesterday has no spray nozzle, rendering it useless. I'm working on a project that needs to be done by the weekend, so I get to go wait in a huge line and risk being trampled to death tonight just to exchange one damn spray paint can. FML

#20174445
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19717) - you deserved it (2765)

On 11/22/2012 at 9:56pm - misc - by Unfortunate Painter - United States (California)

Today, I had a booth at a very expensive craft show. My grandma came to show her support. While there, she managed to knock over my display, get in the way of potential buyers and take down a rather old lady when she supposedly stumbled. This all happened in the first five minutes she was there. FML

#20167730
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19581) - you deserved it (1602)

On 11/18/2012 at 5:02am - work - by soldnone - Canada (Ontario)



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