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Saturday 17 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find that while I was passed out someone stole my prosthetic leg. FML

#20160279
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28879) - you deserved it (5435)

On 11/12/2012 at 10:10am - health - by poserpilot - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm now about 15 pounds overweight. When I called him a hypocrite as he's over 40 pounds overweight, he said that his weight didn't matter because "it's the girl's job to look hot." FML

#20171204
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28329) - you deserved it (4340)

On 11/20/2012 at 4:57pm - health - by thinner than you (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, the love of my life, and long term partner, sat me down and told me that he feels so comfortable in our relationship that he no longer feels the need to have sex with me, and he doesn't think that that will ever change. FML

#20162862
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28153) - you deserved it (2754)

On 11/14/2012 at 5:36am - intimacy - by nolove - Australia

Today, I sat on my balls while at a restaurant. As I was wincing in pain and readjusting myself, my girlfriend came and sat on my lap. She landed directly on my nuts. After a minute or two, I stood up, only to rack myself once again on the corner of the table. FML

Today, my girlfriend of 6 months yelled at me for not comforting her while she was crying because her ex got a new girlfriend, and "it's just not fair." FML

#20169074
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28040) - you deserved it (2109)

On 11/19/2012 at 2:13am - love - by they've been broken up for a year. - United States (Texas)

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by waking him up with a blowjob, because he had always told me that it was a sexy fantasy of his. When he finally woke up, he got pissed off, rudely accused me of interrupting his beauty sleep, then soundly lay back down and fell asleep again. FML

#20169340
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27838) - you deserved it (3403)

On 11/19/2012 at 10:12am - intimacy - by nextcontestant16 - United States

Today, in break from tradition, I proposed to my boyfriend. We were at a Japanese Pagoda. Water was trickling everywhere; the moment was perfect. While I was on my knee, after pouring my heart out, he looked wistfully out over the water and said, "So, I was thinking pizza tonight." FML

#20173702
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27388) - you deserved it (5797)

On 11/22/2012 at 11:13am - love - by but I tried anal and everything (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I had to forcibly separate a boy from my daughter after he grabbed her and started shoving her around. I complained to his mother, only to have her shout, "mind your fucking business" and say that her son can do whatever the hell he wants. FML

#20168309
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27078) - you deserved it (1520)

On 11/18/2012 at 4:22pm - kids - by WELL FUCK YOU KINDLY, MA'AM (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I caught my teenage daughter smoking, and tried calmly explaining to her that it's quite bad for her health. She replied with, "It doesn't harm you if you're under 20." FML

#20174862
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26862) - you deserved it (4249)

On 11/23/2012 at 4:07am - kids - by RyanJarmanForPresident (woman) - United States

Today, I was grocery shopping. When I turned around I noticed a group of teens passing by laughing. I didn't think anything of it until I got to my cart. The losers had left a pack of Slim Fast in my cart. I'm pregnant. FML

#20167758
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26566) - you deserved it (1853)

On 11/18/2012 at 6:00am - health - by depressedpreggo (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I had to take my little brother to the pool. He acted like a brat the whole time, and when I told him we were leaving, he ran away, slipped, and hit his face on the tile floor. He told my dad and step-mom I punched him. They believed him, and I'm grounded for two months. FML

#20167155
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26509) - you deserved it (1604)

On 11/17/2012 at 7:41pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my dad asked me to send my mom a text since he was driving and I was in the passenger seat. I pulled up my mom's contact on his phone, and I found that my mom had recently sent my dad a picture of her jugs, along with the message, "We miss you." FML

#20164798
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26317) - you deserved it (2186)

On 11/15/2012 at 9:45pm - love - by Sexting Parents - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my brother decided to join me on my first date. Not only did he answer the door with a bat, he also got inside the car and sat next to my date, pushing me to the back. He stayed the entire time, and walked me back to the house. My mom laughed and gave him $20. It was a dare. FML



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