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Sunday 11 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my crazy bitch of a boss fired me for inappropriate conduct. Apparently my "fake Nazi accent" is "offensive to our Jewish coworkers." I'm German. I have no way to change the way I speak, or to pay this month's bills. FML

#20155705
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32442) - you deserved it (1738)

On 11/08/2012 at 11:02pm - work - by Screwed - United States (Maryland)

Today, I decided to buy a meal for a homeless man who was being shunned at an intersection. When I went to hand it to him, I realized it was my dad, wearing a tattered old shirt and pretending to be homeless to make some money. FML

#20159880
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32124) - you deserved it (1970)

On 11/12/2012 at 12:12am - misc - by BulldogHoops - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my English professor accused me of plagiarizing a poem I submitted, because she'd read it online earlier that day. The poem was mine; I posted it after writing it for her class, and even after logging into the site to prove it, she reported me to the school. FML

Today, after I spent two hours trying to teach my girlfriend to play sudoku, she broke up with me, tearfully claiming that I'd made up a fake, imaginary game to make her feel stupid. FML

#20167793
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31405) - you deserved it (3205)

On 11/18/2012 at 7:13am - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, a woman on the train demanded I give up my seat for her, claiming it was for people with disabilities. Tired from a long day at work, and seeing she had nothing wrong with her, I asked what her disability was. Apparently, obesity is one. FML

#20152323
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31067) - you deserved it (2106)

On 11/07/2012 at 12:58am - misc - by NotAnExcuse (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up with a wax strip on my chest and my girlfriend sitting next to me on the bed laughing. She pulled the strip. I screamed. FML

#20149912
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30956) - you deserved it (4323)

On 11/06/2012 at 12:11am - intimacy - by Ugggggggggg (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, while in my room on the computer, I had a sudden urge to pee. I got up to use the loo and started hearing some disturbing noises from inside. Apparently I was so quiet my parents thought I was gone and decided to have sex in the shower. It's been an hour and my bladder is about to burst. FML

#20163953
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30947) - you deserved it (2701)

On 11/15/2012 at 2:23am - intimacy - by WentInABush (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, while in class, I was called down to the office. The principal showed me a video of 2 guys fighting in the school parking lot. I'm accused of being one of those guys. I'm a girl. FML

#20154873
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30835) - you deserved it (2040)

On 11/08/2012 at 10:52am - misc - by mayerstexmex69 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, yet again, my boss whined to me like a baby over being "friend-zoned" by his secretary. Not only does he basically stalk her and make her eat lunch with him every day, she's a lesbian in a committed relationship. He suspended me after I lost it and told him to see a fucking therapist. FML

#20165849
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30170) - you deserved it (5676)

On 11/16/2012 at 8:06pm - work - by wow @ creepy fuckers (man) - United States

Today, I sat on my balls while at a restaurant. As I was wincing in pain and readjusting myself, my girlfriend came and sat on my lap. She landed directly on my nuts. After a minute or two, I stood up, only to rack myself once again on the corner of the table. FML

Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML

#20155776
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29687) - you deserved it (2443)

On 11/08/2012 at 11:54pm - misc - by Targeted - United States (Washington)

Today, I was grocery shopping. When I turned around I noticed a group of teens passing by laughing. I didn't think anything of it until I got to my cart. The losers had left a pack of Slim Fast in my cart. I'm pregnant. FML

#20167758
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29512) - you deserved it (2086)

On 11/18/2012 at 6:00am - health - by depressedpreggo (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my husband came home drunk off his ass at 2am. He started crying on my shoulder because he couldn't go home with some beautiful woman who hit on him, because sadly for him, he's married to me. FML

#20157197
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29391) - you deserved it (2609)

On 11/10/2012 at 5:15am - love - by Helen - United States (Arkansas)



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