Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Monday 5 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my friend joked to my co-workers that my kitty-cat of a husband was going to beat me for spending $200 on shoes. Later on, my rather large dog was so excited to see me when I walked in the door, he split my lip. Somehow, I don't think they'll believe me when I get to the office tomorrow. FML

#20150093
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19465) - you deserved it (2579)

On 11/06/2012 at 4:32am - work - by iLuvsIt (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, while sitting in a waiting room, a man assured me "The safety's on" after he handed his kid his BB gun. A minute later, I practically had a hole in my foot. FML

#20160435
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19368) - you deserved it (2411)

On 11/12/2012 at 1:12pm - health - by Emily - United States (California)

Today, I found a limp head of celery in the fridge. I thought it looked like the squid alien baby from Men in Black. After nursing it for a couple of hours, giving it food, and rocking it to sleep, my parents found me. Then I realised it was just celery. Too bad it took that long for my meds to kick in. FML

#20151986
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19256) - you deserved it (6309)

On 11/07/2012 at 12:11am - misc - by Squid (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend's mother came over for a few hours. After she left I went to grab a drink, only to find that three bottles of expensive liquor were missing from our liquor cabinet. FML

#20148667
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19244) - you deserved it (1493)

On 11/05/2012 at 9:02am - misc - by liquorless (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to present a program to my supervisors in University. Not being a native English speaker, I used my own invented abbreviations for parameters in the program. Apparently STD is not an appropriate abbreviation for "standard deviation." I can still hear them laughing. FML

#20156190
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19188) - you deserved it (6976)

On 11/09/2012 at 11:23am - work - by EnglishLearner (woman) - Switzerland (Zurich)

Today, I was reading a book in public. Some bastard stranger came over and started spoiling the plot for me. FML

#20148752
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19136) - you deserved it (1759)

On 11/05/2012 at 10:58am - misc - by Spoilicious - Singapore

Today, after the fourth time telling my roommate I'm highly allergic to her scented products, I came back to find all 6 of our wall outlets using Glade plug-ins. They were set to high. FML

Today, I started my new job as the only IT tech for my office. My first task: untangling the hundred mice the previous tech tied together for "fun". FML

#20150513
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18752) - you deserved it (1332)

On 11/06/2012 at 1:29pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my dad offered to pay me $40 to wash his car. Needing money to buy a video game, I agreed, and went out in the freezing weather to do the job. I finished the task, only to be paid in Monopoly money. My dad still hasn't gotten over how "funny" his prank was. FML

#20158140
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18717) - you deserved it (2330)

On 11/10/2012 at 10:10pm - money - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, while I was sitting on the toilet, my toddler swung the door open. We just bought the house, and we have no curtains. Our new neighbor, who I haven't met, was mowing her yard. I stood half-naked to close the door, and our eyes met. I froze. She waved. FML

#20154142
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18654) - you deserved it (1991)

On 11/07/2012 at 8:41pm - misc - by ohcrap (man) - United States

Today, I threw up after drinking a smoothie my mother made me. She then called me "ungrateful" and "immature" for not liking what she spent a long time making for me. I later found out that not only did she use expired yogurt, it was also a mango smoothie, which I'm allergic to. FML

#20153910
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18563) - you deserved it (1020)

On 11/07/2012 at 6:28pm - health - by anon - United States

Today, we found out that the beloved "Uncle Jimmy" from my early childhood was really the man my mother was cheating on my dad with. FML

#20156411
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18229) - you deserved it (861)

On 11/09/2012 at 3:53pm - misc - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Gisborne)

Today, I was renovating the house, and my girlfriend asked, "Do you use electrical tape on electrical stuff?" Not knowing where she was going with this, I just gave her a puzzled look. She continued by saying, "Because it's not like people use duct tape on ducks." FML

#20158312
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17942) - you deserved it (2544)

On 11/11/2012 at 12:05am - love - by Danny - United States (Utah)



FML's blog

  • Élodie's Illustrated FML
  • Aaaaah, the beach, the sunshine, cool water against our skin...  Nah, just kidding, I can't afford a trip to the beach. This blog is being written from a grotty apartment in the less salubrious parts of…

Friday 18 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: