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Monday 5 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while I was sitting on the toilet, my toddler swung the door open. We just bought the house, and we have no curtains. Our new neighbor, who I haven't met, was mowing her yard. I stood half-naked to close the door, and our eyes met. I froze. She waved. FML

#20154142
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18507) - you deserved it (1986)

On 11/07/2012 at 8:41pm - misc - by ohcrap (man) - United States

Today, I threw up after drinking a smoothie my mother made me. She then called me "ungrateful" and "immature" for not liking what she spent a long time making for me. I later found out that not only did she use expired yogurt, it was also a mango smoothie, which I'm allergic to. FML

#20153910
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18360) - you deserved it (1010)

On 11/07/2012 at 6:28pm - health - by anon - United States

Today, I had to present a program to my supervisors in University. Not being a native English speaker, I used my own invented abbreviations for parameters in the program. Apparently STD is not an appropriate abbreviation for "standard deviation." I can still hear them laughing. FML

#20156190
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18144) - you deserved it (6797)

On 11/09/2012 at 11:23am - work - by EnglishLearner (woman) - Switzerland (Zurich)

Today, I found my childhood diary stashed in a box in the attic. I flipped to the last page and noticed a little note written by my now deceased father. It read, "Well son, this diary proves that you're a whiny asshole - Dad." Thanks Dad, from beyond the grave. FML

#20161095
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18137) - you deserved it (3320)

On 11/12/2012 at 9:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, we found out that the beloved "Uncle Jimmy" from my early childhood was really the man my mother was cheating on my dad with. FML

#20156411
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18090) - you deserved it (856)

On 11/09/2012 at 3:53pm - misc - by Anonymous - New Zealand (Gisborne)

Today, I enjoyed a lovely family dinner, but my irritating grandma kept trying to buy my purse off me, and kept picking it up to look at it. When I got home I realized all my cash and cigarettes were gone. FML

#20149150
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17866) - you deserved it (2367)

On 11/05/2012 at 5:11pm - money - by Brooklyn - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was renovating the house, and my girlfriend asked, "Do you use electrical tape on electrical stuff?" Not knowing where she was going with this, I just gave her a puzzled look. She continued by saying, "Because it's not like people use duct tape on ducks." FML

#20158312
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17825) - you deserved it (2535)

On 11/11/2012 at 12:05am - love - by Danny - United States (Utah)

Today, my grandmother said to me, "You look just like your mother did at your age. Except you're fatter of course." FML

#20148363
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17803) - you deserved it (4016)

On 11/05/2012 at 12:39am - misc - by poro123 - United Kingdom

Today, I started dating a seemingly normal guy. Not even four hours into our relationship, he began telling me that he can see spirits, dead people, and that I have a large black dog following me everywhere I go. FML

#20155774
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17690) - you deserved it (2096)

On 11/08/2012 at 11:53pm - love - by holyshitbatman - United States (Ohio)

Today, I paid a surprise visit to my parents, after having moved out for university last year. My room had been stripped bare and all the family photos featuring me were missing from the wall. When I asked why, my mom asked me in return why I was asking stupid questions. FML

#20156480
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17684) - you deserved it (1537)

On 11/09/2012 at 5:03pm - kids - by jan420 (man) - Norway (Ostfold)

Today, my boyfriend and I went to a furniture store. We split up for a bit, and after a while I went to find him. A salesman noticed I seemed to be looking around for him and said, "Oh, your son is upstairs." We're the same age. FML

#20155909
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17625) - you deserved it (1320)

On 11/09/2012 at 2:26am - misc - by slypher25aussie (man) - United States (California)

Today, I'm at work on a construction site for a high rise building, on the 12th floor today. I've developed a severe case of the runs, causing me to need to rush to the nearest toilet periodically. Luckily for me it's conveniently located on the ground floor. FML

#20154818
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17612) - you deserved it (1215)

On 11/08/2012 at 9:36am - health - by bob the builder - United States (Mississippi)

Today, at daycare, a little girl cussed me out because I didn't have any apple juice left. When I called her parents, they sided with her and cussed me out too. My boss refused to sympathize, and reprimanded me for not making sure we still had apple juice. FML

#20148817
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17567) - you deserved it (1603)

On 11/05/2012 at 12:01pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Maryland)



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