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Saturday 3 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my husband surprised me by cooking a romantic dinner. I asked him why the sudden gesture. His response? "The cable was out." FML

#20154549
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16681) - you deserved it (3856)

On 11/08/2012 at 12:49am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I worked up the courage to give a guy my number. I wrote it down on a piece of paper, tore it in half and gave it to him. Later, I noticed I'd given him the wrong, blank half. FML

#20142410
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16429) - you deserved it (9297)

On 11/01/2012 at 12:24am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Mexico)

Today, I found a limp head of celery in the fridge. I thought it looked like the squid alien baby from Men in Black. After nursing it for a couple of hours, giving it food, and rocking it to sleep, my parents found me. Then I realised it was just celery. Too bad it took that long for my meds to kick in. FML

#20151986
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16404) - you deserved it (5713)

On 11/07/2012 at 12:11am - misc - by Squid (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, despite my pleading, my boyfriend mounted a set of bullhorns above our headboard. Guess what came crashing down on our heads at 2am. FML

#20153273
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16377) - you deserved it (1725)

On 11/07/2012 at 10:44am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was cleaning out my roof's gutter, which was full of leaves. There was an especially big pile, and when I started scooping it up, I felt something squishy. Turns out those leaves were covering the remains of a rotting squirrel. I can't stop smelling it. FML

#20141617
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16048) - you deserved it (1017)

On 10/31/2012 at 1:23pm - animals - by orilykid (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to buy a new vacuum cleaner. My previous one stopped working, because apparently, my boyfriend has been using it to suck up our puppy's shit from the floor. FML

#20155036
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15934) - you deserved it (1423)

On 11/08/2012 at 2:03pm - love - by 99Problemsandfml - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while walking home, I really had to pee, so I decided to do my business in some high grass just off the street. When I got home, I felt an itch between my butt cheeks. I went to the bathroom to check it out, and a dead, apparently crushed spider fell out of my underwear. FML

#20147226
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15819) - you deserved it (10677)

On 11/04/2012 at 12:12pm - animals - by spiderwoman (woman) - Iceland (Gullbringusysla)

Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed. My girlfriend had agreed to come over after and make sure I was okay, so I called her, saying I was done. She told me she'd made new plans, and to "just suck on a tampon, you pussy". FML

#20156617
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15790) - you deserved it (1974)

On 11/09/2012 at 7:16pm - health - by dating a fking cnt (man) - Canada

Today, a customer smiled, looked me in the eye and described to me in graphic detail the swelling that occurred to his nuts after his vasectomy. FML

#20142730
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15771) - you deserved it (1300)

On 11/01/2012 at 9:52am - work - by tmi. - Australia

Today, I was at the mall and I noticed this guy staring at me from across the food court. He smiled and waved at me so I walked over there and tried to talk to him. He was looking at his girlfriend the whole time. FML

#20138654
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15615) - you deserved it (3997)

On 10/29/2012 at 1:59pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, before leaving my house, I OCD-checked all of my doors 16 times to make sure that they were locked. When I got home, my house had been broken into. Turns out I accidentally unlocked my front door when trying to lock it for the last time. This is why I have OCD. FML

#20141026
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15220) - you deserved it (6706)

On 10/30/2012 at 11:02pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I looked over to see my grandfather looking thoughtfully at me. Feeling flattered because he rarely shows affection, I waved at him. He then said, "I was looking out the window" and continued to stare past my head out of the window. FML

#20150050
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15208) - you deserved it (1563)

On 11/06/2012 at 2:59am - misc - by Unappreciated Grandchild - United States (Maryland)

Today, I overheard my mom talking on the phone with my sister about how much they hate my fiancé. My wedding is in two weeks and my family has been pretending to like my future husband for three years. FML

#20148569
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15133) - you deserved it (1105)

On 11/05/2012 at 6:36am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



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