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Wednesday 31 October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I had my first orgasm. I also came to the realization that whenever I orgasm I get an uncontrollable case of hiccups for at least half an hour afterwards. FML

#20145633
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27768) - you deserved it (3128)

On 11/03/2012 at 11:52am - intimacy - by hiccups - United States (New York)

Today, after being a germaphobe for almost ten years and refusing to go out to restaurants because of it, I finally had the courage to face my fear, and went to dinner with my family. After three bites into my salad, I found a dead bug in it. FML

#20150517
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27692) - you deserved it (2863)

On 11/06/2012 at 1:34pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, in the spirit of Halloween and to get back at a child who repeatedly pressed the doorbell until I showed up, I quickly opened the door and yelled "Boo!" The child ended up being carried away crying with wet pants by a mother threatening to sue. FML

#20142562
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27216) - you deserved it (4533)

On 11/01/2012 at 4:20am - kids - by NoSpirit (woman) -

Today, I went to the hospital in labor expecting a baby boy. I ended the day with identical twins, a baffled doctor, and a husband convinced that our sons can clone themselves. FML

#20139353
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27082) - you deserved it (2503)

On 10/29/2012 at 9:30pm - kids - by CutestBoysEver (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, the bar owner I work for told us to pay better attention to our drunk patrons, and to start cutting them off. A fellow bar maid asked how we are supposed to tell when it's time. He pointed at me and said, "When they start hitting on her, they're too drunk to drive." FML

#20141378
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26851) - you deserved it (1898)

On 10/31/2012 at 7:30am - work - by kat (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, one of my dad's work friends came over. As he was leaving, he complimented my dad on having three "strapping young boys." I informed him that I'm a girl, and I have a hormone imbalance that causes me to have a lot of hair and a deep voice. I guess my dress didn't give him a clue. FML

#20140430
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26610) - you deserved it (2542)

On 10/30/2012 at 5:26pm - misc - by rarara - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, my daughter brought home her new boyfriend. He has a neck tattoo, and his life's dream is to be a professional "beer pong" player. FML

#20146654
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26430) - you deserved it (3080)

On 11/04/2012 at 1:30am - kids - by PleaseDontBeSerious - Canada

Today, I found out that my over-controlling parents would be moving in next door. I'm almost 23, and moved 5,365 KM away to get away from them. FML

#20142163
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26401) - you deserved it (1542)

On 10/31/2012 at 9:39pm - misc - by OhLovely (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I dressed up like a pirate, dressed my dog as a parrot and bought $30 worth of candy to pass out to trick-or-treaters. I waited by the door for 3 hours. Not one kid came. FML

#20142085
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26082) - you deserved it (2402)

On 10/31/2012 at 8:40pm - misc - by hallofail (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my family and I are sitting in our house while Hurricane Sandy is going on. My grandma is freaking out because she believes it's our recently deceased dog Sandy getting revenge for putting her to sleep and getting a new dog. FML

#20138973
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26072) - you deserved it (2329)

On 10/29/2012 at 5:45pm - animals - by With_Love929 - United States (New York)

Today, I met someone really cool and their departing words were, for some odd reason, "We should totally be friends, I mean unless you're schizophrenic or something, haha!" I have schizophrenia. FML

#20140639
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25994) - you deserved it (1992)

On 10/30/2012 at 7:42pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my husband and I found out that our dog was pregnant. He now refuses to have kids with me for at least two years, because he wants to raise the puppies without any "distractions". FML

#20140254
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25899) - you deserved it (3729)

On 10/30/2012 at 2:45pm - animals - by Lilly - United States

Today, my boyfriend surprised me by showing up at my work and proposing to me. It was sweet until an angry customer bitched us out for "wasting her time." FML

#20141262
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25575) - you deserved it (3123)

On 10/31/2012 at 2:18am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



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