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Saturday 27 October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was woken up by my husband attempting to breastfeed off my lactating nipples. FML

#20139029
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19905) - you deserved it (2547)

On 10/29/2012 at 6:22pm - misc - by Indianagirl94 (woman) - United States

Today, I went to the bar I've always gone to after work for the past 12 years. On arrival, I got banned for life, punched in the nose and thrown out. The barmaid comes out and says, "Sorry, wrong guy." FML

#20130988
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19897) - you deserved it (983)

On 10/24/2012 at 6:51am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend and I were going through some troubles in our relationship, and she said to me, "No offense, but I really hope no other relationship I have in the future will be like this one." Some offense taken. FML

#20141147
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19844) - you deserved it (2452)

On 10/31/2012 at 12:22am - love - by anon (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, trying to be nice, I asked my little sister how school was. She burst into a temper tantrum and screamed at me to fuck off. She's eight. FML

#20132869
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19786) - you deserved it (1890)

On 10/25/2012 at 3:43pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I realized that my five-year-old daughters are deranged psychopaths, when one of them started screaming to get my attention while the other pulled the car door shut on my fingers. FML

#20134163
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19752) - you deserved it (2712)

On 10/26/2012 at 12:17pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Philippines (Manila)

Today, my boyfriend and I were preparing for the arrival of Hurricane Sandy. I tasked him with going out to buy emergency groceries in case we lose power. He returned with dozens of microwave cup noodles. We're going to starve. FML

#20137235
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19485) - you deserved it (2928)

On 10/28/2012 at 4:14pm - love - by cupnoodles (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I let a friend borrow a power saw. When I found it on my porch later, the blade was missing and the cord was cut. Looking closer, I realized it was his saw. He kept my new one. He totally denies that he switched them and now won't answer his door. FML

#20128630
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19472) - you deserved it (1702)

On 10/22/2012 at 6:34pm - misc - by petra84 - United States (Colorado)

Today, at archery practice, I jokingly said that I'd kiss the next person to get a bullseye. They all made a point of missing their targets, some even shooting their arrows way off to the side. FML

#20146224
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19127) - you deserved it (6527)

On 11/03/2012 at 8:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my company had a Halloween party. I was so excited seeing as our company never does anything, so I pulled out all the stops with my costume. I was the only one who got dressed up. FML

#20144153
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19035) - you deserved it (2683)

On 11/02/2012 at 8:17am - work - by PieterseMJ - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, 60 guests for my wedding were supposed to arrive to the Bahamas. The first and only hurricane of the season decided to crash my wedding, stranding my mom, maid of honor and best man. No one will be able to attend my wedding, except the other drunken hotel guests. FML

#20133630
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18866) - you deserved it (2945)

On 10/25/2012 at 11:58pm - misc - by sadbride - Bahamas (New Providence)

Today, I found out that my daughter has a hit list. There are over thirty names on there. My name is on it as well. FML

#20135128
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18835) - you deserved it (3008)

On 10/27/2012 at 3:20am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, after therapy for obsessing over every woman who talks to me, all I could think about was how I could seduce my therapist. I think I still need a lot of help. FML

#20133155
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18815) - you deserved it (4875)

On 10/25/2012 at 7:09pm - love - by mental - United States

Today, dressed in my sexiest nightie, I asked my boyfriend in the most sensual voice possible what he'd like me do to for him tonight. His eyed widened, he started clapping wildly and then shrieked, "SPAGHETTI CARBONARA!" FML

#20142866
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18579) - you deserved it (3107) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 11/01/2012 at 7:48am - love - by Anonymous - France (Picardie)



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