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Saturday 27 October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went bowling. I noticed a 10-year-old holding an iPod Touch which had the exact same customized case with my name on it as my iPod that was stolen a year ago at the same bowling centre. Even better, the parents yelled at me for accusing him. I got kicked out the bowling centre. FML

Today, I found a ticket on my motorcycle for not parking in a designated spot. The space I had parked my bike in was occupied by a large van. Some asshole had moved my bike. FML

Today, the bar owner I work for told us to pay better attention to our drunk patrons, and to start cutting them off. A fellow bar maid asked how we are supposed to tell when it's time. He pointed at me and said, "When they start hitting on her, they're too drunk to drive." FML

#20141378
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25908) - you deserved it (1828)

On 10/31/2012 at 7:30am - work - by kat (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I dressed up like a pirate, dressed my dog as a parrot and bought $30 worth of candy to pass out to trick-or-treaters. I waited by the door for 3 hours. Not one kid came. FML

#20142085
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25877) - you deserved it (2386)

On 10/31/2012 at 8:40pm - misc - by hallofail (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my family and I are sitting in our house while Hurricane Sandy is going on. My grandma is freaking out because she believes it's our recently deceased dog Sandy getting revenge for putting her to sleep and getting a new dog. FML

#20138973
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25857) - you deserved it (2316)

On 10/29/2012 at 5:45pm - animals - by With_Love929 - United States (New York)

Today, my grandma took it upon herself to give me the sex talk. After explaining the mechanics in excessive detail, she said I shouldn't be afraid to sleep around. Apparently, I need to be comfortable with the man who'll be "conning me into blowing him for the next 50 years." FML

#20134273
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25617) - you deserved it (2487)

On 10/26/2012 at 1:58pm - intimacy - by fiftyshardsofbroccoli (woman) - United States

Today, I went to the hospital in labor expecting a baby boy. I ended the day with identical twins, a baffled doctor, and a husband convinced that our sons can clone themselves. FML

#20139353
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25503) - you deserved it (2372)

On 10/29/2012 at 9:30pm - kids - by CutestBoysEver (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I learned that despite having told them two years ago, my parents still aren't accepting of me being gay. I found this out when my mom called and asked if I was "cured" yet. FML

#20131666
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25373) - you deserved it (4778)

On 10/24/2012 at 6:43pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I woke up to a gift from my boyfriend: a Playboy magazine with a Post-It note that said, "Just a reminder that you're easily replaceable." I think he's still mad at me for beating him on X-box. FML

#20137933
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25313) - you deserved it (3129)

On 10/28/2012 at 11:39pm - love - by becca (woman) - United States

Today, my husband and I found out that our dog was pregnant. He now refuses to have kids with me for at least two years, because he wants to raise the puppies without any "distractions". FML

#20140254
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25200) - you deserved it (3656)

On 10/30/2012 at 2:45pm - animals - by Lilly - United States

Today, I met someone really cool and their departing words were, for some odd reason, "We should totally be friends, I mean unless you're schizophrenic or something, haha!" I have schizophrenia. FML

#20140639
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25119) - you deserved it (1929)

On 10/30/2012 at 7:42pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went to the bar I've always gone to after work for the past 12 years. On arrival, I got banned for life, punched in the nose and thrown out. The barmaid comes out and says, "Sorry, wrong guy." FML

#20130988
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24589) - you deserved it (1477)

On 10/24/2012 at 6:51am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I saw a man lying face down in a field and thinking he was injured, I ran over to help. As soon as I got to him, I realized he was completely naked. He stood up and chased after me. FML

#20131002
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24541) - you deserved it (2177)

On 10/24/2012 at 7:14am - misc - by bill - United States (Maryland)



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