Saturday 27 October 2012 
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Today, my daughter called me telling me she had her twin girls. She named them Juli and Anne. Her name is Julianne. Her kids are going to fucking hate her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23324) - you deserved it (2376)
On 10/31/2012 at 1:01am - kids - by poorkids (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. I thought it was all going really well, until I looked up a minute or two in, only to be greeted by a stone-cold death glare and the words, "You really are an idiot, aren't you?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (23122) - you deserved it (6368)
On 11/02/2012 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)
Today, a parent was too busy texting to notice her child had run in front of a moving truck. She did however see me grab the child's backpack to yank him back out of traffic. She then screamed at me for "manhandling" her child and demanded I be fired. It's not even my school; I'm a part time sub. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22810) - you deserved it (951)
On 10/22/2012 at 11:51pm - work - by bad samaritan (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I said "bless you" to a nice man who sneezed on the subway. That nice man has now followed me home and stood outside my apartment complex for two hours, claiming to be my "soulmate." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22767) - you deserved it (1618)
On 10/28/2012 at 12:22am - love - by prettylady? - United States
Today, my dad watched the news and decided to start preparing for Hurricane Sandy by buying $300 worth of long-life and canned food. We live in Australia. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22596) - you deserved it (1225)
On 10/29/2012 at 8:03am - misc - by StormSeason (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate, and I gave her a condom to put on me. She tried to open it with her teeth, but ripped it. That was my only condom. I'm now sitting here watching a soap opera with a boner. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22393) - you deserved it (7528)
On 10/23/2012 at 3:12pm - intimacy - by Andrew - United States
Today, after losing twenty pounds to please my husband, the only comment I received was, "At least now only your personality sucks." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22362) - you deserved it (3251)
On 11/02/2012 at 12:17am - love - by 123alleyesonme - United States (Texas)
Today, my son got expelled after using the photocopier to photocopy his penis. He then used the copies to replace every directional arrow posted throughout the school. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22267) - you deserved it (3161)
On 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm - kids - by thebeachisthatway (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, at my school they were having a carnival to raise money. One of the patrons suggested that if they wanted to make money, they should have people pledge money to make me cover my ugly face with a bag. The school got over $500, and I had to wear a bag. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22016) - you deserved it (1548)
On 11/01/2012 at 7:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)
Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. My dad looked at him and said, "Nice outfit, but it's a little late for Halloween." Before I could intervene, my boyfriend said that joke had been done to death, to which my dad retorted, "Yeah, so has your mum." Instant fistfight. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21986) - you deserved it (2326)
On 11/02/2012 at 7:50pm - love - by for fuck sake dad (woman) - Ireland (Limerick)
Today, I found out that not only is my girlfriend enough of a superstitious twat to believe the world is going to end on December 21st, she actually thinks it's an acceptable excuse to go sleep around with other men. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21981) - you deserved it (2043)
On 11/03/2012 at 8:37pm - love - by markderanjer (man) - United Kingdom (Ealing)
Today, at work as a massage therapist, I pulled down the guy's blanket slightly to massage his lower back. There were shit stains spreading from his ass crack all the way to his mid-back. When I told him, he wanted me to massage there anyway. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21902) - you deserved it (968)
On 10/22/2012 at 12:07am - work - by Lunazel93 - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I went to my local Walmart to grab a few groceries, and while at the checkout line I grabbed two chocolate bars for a snack. The cashier gave me a look and mumbled under her breath, "Surprise, surprise." I'm pregnant, asshole. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21672) - you deserved it (3871)
On 10/23/2012 at 12:21am - misc - by bunintheoven (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Monday 20 May 2013
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