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Saturday 27 October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I texted my boyfriend saying that I couldn't wait for him to get home and see my costume, and that I had dressed up as a naked lady. He texted back asking if I could dress up as someone who was making dinner instead. FML

#20142541
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30764) - you deserved it (6506)

On 11/01/2012 at 3:54am - intimacy - by okay._. - United States (California)

Today, it was my birthday. My mom didn't buy me a present, throw a party, or acknowledge the event in any way. Last week it was our dog's birthday, which included a party for all the neighbourhood dogs, and a cake for our dog, made out of bacon. FML

#20134676
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30752) - you deserved it (1761)

On 10/26/2012 at 8:14pm - animals - by birthday girl (woman) - Australia

Today, I had sex with this guy I had been crushing on for five years. It took longer to put my clothes back on than he lasted. FML

#20138883
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30585) - you deserved it (5922)

On 10/29/2012 at 4:49pm - intimacy - by le_evan - United States (California)

Today, I was walking with my boyfriend when a guy walked up to me and told me I look exactly like Taylor Swift. My boyfriend punched him in the face and told him that Taylor Swift is a lot more attractive. I'm actually considering leaving him for the complete stranger. FML

#20130143
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30357) - you deserved it (2637)

On 10/23/2012 at 6:12pm - misc - by jeanrose2013 - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I broke a nail at school. The edge kept getting caught on things, so I thought I could file it down by rubbing it on my jeans. Apparently it looked like I was doing something else, because I was called into the principal's office to discuss why "certain things" should be done in private. FML

#20139255
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29857) - you deserved it (4961)

On 10/29/2012 at 8:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my son got expelled after using the photocopier to photocopy his penis. He then used the copies to replace every directional arrow posted throughout the school. FML

#20128322
278 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29815) - you deserved it (4528)

On 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm - kids - by thebeachisthatway (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I said "bless you" to a nice man who sneezed on the subway. That nice man has now followed me home and stood outside my apartment complex for two hours, claiming to be my "soulmate." FML

#20136351
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29725) - you deserved it (2409)

On 10/28/2012 at 12:22am - love - by prettylady? - United States

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. My dad looked at him and said, "Nice outfit, but it's a little late for Halloween." Before I could intervene, my boyfriend said that joke had been done to death, to which my dad retorted, "Yeah, so has your mum." Instant fistfight. FML

#20144826
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29206) - you deserved it (2995)

On 11/02/2012 at 7:50pm - love - by for fuck sake dad (woman) - Ireland (Limerick)

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has secretly been conditioning me to get turned on by the smell of bananas. Guess whose new co-worker peels a nice, fragrant banana five times a day. FML

#20139261
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29123) - you deserved it (2818)

On 10/29/2012 at 8:42pm - intimacy - by SadExperiment (man) - United States (California)

Today, after losing twenty pounds to please my husband, the only comment I received was, "At least now only your personality sucks." FML

#20143873
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28964) - you deserved it (4546)

On 11/02/2012 at 12:17am - love - by 123alleyesonme - United States (Texas)

Today, a parent was too busy texting to notice her child had run in front of a moving truck. She did however see me grab the child's backpack to yank him back out of traffic. She then screamed at me for "manhandling" her child and demanded I be fired. It's not even my school; I'm a part time sub. FML

#20129237
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28898) - you deserved it (1338)

On 10/22/2012 at 11:51pm - work - by bad samaritan (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, at work as a massage therapist, I pulled down the guy's blanket slightly to massage his lower back. There were shit stains spreading from his ass crack all the way to his mid-back. When I told him, he wanted me to massage there anyway. FML

#20127667
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28701) - you deserved it (1505)

On 10/22/2012 at 12:07am - work - by Lunazel93 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my 13-year-old son discovered Axe. Axe shower gel. Axe shampoo. Axe body spray. All at once. FML

#20130811
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28660) - you deserved it (2436)

On 10/24/2012 at 1:15am - kids - by BobsBabe2 - United States



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