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Wednesday 24 October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my mom called me from jail. She was arrested for having sex in public. I was with my dad when I got the call. FML

#20135378
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49826) - you deserved it (2614)

On 10/27/2012 at 11:02am - intimacy - by Monkey (man) - United States

Today, a cashier asked me if I would like to donate to breast cancer research. Since I have already made my donations this month, I politely declined. The cashier snorted and said, "Maybe you'll feel differently if someone you love got cancer." I'm a two-year survivor. FML

#20130942
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42344) - you deserved it (2216)

On 10/24/2012 at 5:21am - money - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was handing candy to a little boy who was trick or treating by himself. He was small enough to grab the candy and run past me into my house. I've been searching my house for two hours and still can't find him. I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML

#20142294
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35022) - you deserved it (2517)

On 10/31/2012 at 11:04pm - kids - by ananymous - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and I asked him to call me something sweet. He called me Honey Boo Boo. FML

Today, I found my fiancé is cheating on me. Our wedding is in 26 days and everything is already paid for. FML

#20140302
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34002) - you deserved it (2197)

On 10/30/2012 at 3:34pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my daughter called me telling me she had her twin girls. She named them Juli and Anne. Her name is Julianne. Her kids are going to fucking hate her. FML

#20141194
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33919) - you deserved it (3686)

On 10/31/2012 at 1:01am - kids - by poorkids (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend went to ask my dad for my hand in marriage. All I could make out from the door was mumbling, until profanities started flying. My boyfriend shouted "well she's a SINGLE bitch now!" and stormed out of the house. My dad still refuses to tell me what happened in there. FML

#20131535
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33777) - you deserved it (2120)

On 10/24/2012 at 5:08pm - love - by wtactualfuck :( (woman) - United States

Today, I had sex with this guy I had been crushing on for five years. It took longer to put my clothes back on than he lasted. FML

#20138883
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33294) - you deserved it (6255)

On 10/29/2012 at 4:49pm - intimacy - by le_evan - United States (California)

Today, I was walking with my boyfriend when a guy walked up to me and told me I look exactly like Taylor Swift. My boyfriend punched him in the face and told him that Taylor Swift is a lot more attractive. I'm actually considering leaving him for the complete stranger. FML

#20130143
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33010) - you deserved it (2878)

On 10/23/2012 at 6:12pm - misc - by jeanrose2013 - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I said "bless you" to a nice man who sneezed on the subway. That nice man has now followed me home and stood outside my apartment complex for two hours, claiming to be my "soulmate." FML

#20136351
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31679) - you deserved it (2576)

On 10/28/2012 at 12:22am - love - by prettylady? - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate, and I gave her a condom to put on me. She tried to open it with her teeth, but ripped it. That was my only condom. I'm now sitting here watching a soap opera with a boner. FML

#20129928
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31625) - you deserved it (10232)

On 10/23/2012 at 3:12pm - intimacy - by Andrew - United States

Today, at work as a massage therapist, I pulled down the guy's blanket slightly to massage his lower back. There were shit stains spreading from his ass crack all the way to his mid-back. When I told him, he wanted me to massage there anyway. FML

#20127667
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31201) - you deserved it (1696)

On 10/22/2012 at 12:07am - work - by Lunazel93 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, it was my birthday. My mom didn't buy me a present, throw a party, or acknowledge the event in any way. Last week it was our dog's birthday, which included a party for all the neighbourhood dogs, and a cake for our dog, made out of bacon. FML

#20134676
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30956) - you deserved it (1768)

On 10/26/2012 at 8:14pm - animals - by birthday girl (woman) - Australia



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