Intimacy: Classic

Classic

By Dirtyswede - 17/06/2009 14:57 - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my Swedish friend for some lines to impress this Swedish girl I'd met at an expat party he took me to. I practised them all evening before I met her. I told her my feelings, and she scowled. Apparently I had wished the devil upon her - after asking if I could ejaculate on her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 064

You deserved it 22 843

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By SwedishBozo - 15/03/2009 01:30 - United States

Today, my family and I were at a restaurant. We're Swedish and love talking about people in our language because no one ever understands here. I decided to comment about how ugly the girl at the next table was. She turned around and goes "Dra åt helvete." That's Swedish for "Go to hell." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 885

You deserved it 326 515

You Muppet!

By Branski - 29/07/2011 00:27 - United States

Today, at a campfire, I whipped out my guitar to serenade this girl I like with a Nick Drake song. When I was done, she said it was nice, but that my singing voice sounded a bit like the Swedish Chef from the Muppet Show. A couple of people nearby burst out laughing in agreement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 749

You deserved it 6 998

The ex from hell

By welpwelpwelp - 08/07/2015 17:45 - Australia - Canberra

Today, while at a party, I ran into the girl I've liked for ages. I was so nervous, but I managed to keep the conversation going for a half hour. After mustering up the courage to ask her out on a date, her drunk, over-protective ex burst in and threw up on my shirt. Good timing, asswipe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 980

You deserved it 1 953

By lostforwords - 06/08/2011 19:10 - Ireland

Today, I found out that my German wasn't as great as I thought it was. Trying to give directions to some German tourists, I tried to say, "I hope I don't get you lost." Turns out I actually said something closer to, "I hope I don't seduce you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 075

You deserved it 6 299

Tommy Liseau

By Anonymous - 17/03/2023 18:00 - United States

Today, I tried to seduce the girl I like by telling a joke. It turns out my delivery was so bad that she asked if I was auditioning for a new version of "The Room." FML

I agree, your life sucks 242

You deserved it 611

By needurlove - 15/04/2012 06:49 - United States - Sandpoint

Today, I introduced my Spanish friend to a girl I've had a crush on for a long time. Because he only spoke Spanish and she only spoke English, I was the translator. The first thing he said to her was, "You are really pretty." I translated it as "I like other men." Later, they found out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 018

You deserved it 48 115

Freaked out

By Anonymous - 24/08/2015 19:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was flirting with a cute girl at a club. She seemed into me and said I was hot. I said thanks and grinned. I guess my grin looked psychopathic, because her expression turned to horror, and she quickly excused herself. She was the only girl who's ever shown any interest in me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 556

You deserved it 2 526

Careless Whisper

By ihatejasonderulo - 02/09/2014 15:32 - United Kingdom - Hounslow

Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me. Her response was to impersonate a saxophone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 662

You deserved it 9 961

By jadkins - 06/07/2009 19:33 - Netherlands

Today, I was flirting with this cute girl from Croatia who is part of the my exchange group in Holland. After a few beers and some smooth talking, she led me inside to a closed off room. We were about to have sex when her boyfriend of 2 years called and proposed to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 798

You deserved it 22 198

Shutdown

By HighasaCloud - 30/04/2012 16:01 - United States - Elkhart

Today, I finally built up the courage to confess my love to the girl of my dreams. She turned me down. When I asked her about all the recent receptive behavior toward me, she replied, "I thought it'd be funny." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 941

You deserved it 2 538

Loony_fml 4

Wednesday 17 June 2009 23:11

This is the oldest trick in the book. You should know better than to trust any friend to translate stuff for you to impress a girl. You deserved it.

tukker 0

Wednesday 17 June 2009 23:07

Gott lära av andras fel, eftersom man inte hinner begå alla själv.

Comments

tukker 0

Wednesday 17 June 2009 23:07

Gott lära av andras fel, eftersom man inte hinner begå alla själv.

MasterModeraor 0

Wednesday 17 June 2009 23:51

Nice pickup line. i should try that one time. too bad ive never actually met a svedish girl b4. wat kinda foreign party were u at anyways? you owe your friend a lot for this cause she prob enjoyed it.

losergirl 0

Wednesday 17 June 2009 23:53

#1 FTW... your friend sounds like a Stephen Hero.

easylazy 0

Thursday 18 June 2009 1:20

Lol I copied #1 into Google translate: Good to learn from others' mistakes, because you do not have time to commit all of yourself. Btw, OP, this is the oldest trick in the book. I don't know how you could have fallen for that!!! Kan jag ejakulat på ditt ansikte? Jag önskar djävulen på dig.

virgilwoods 0

Friday 19 June 2009 17:10

Best one: Jag ar din hallik, sug min balle din hora Got this line from a friend, same situation as OP, though it actually worked 'cuz I said it butchered on purpose

chandlerbelacic 17

Tuesday 28 May 2013 1:41

Je ne sais pas...

Loony_fml 4

Wednesday 17 June 2009 23:11

This is the oldest trick in the book. You should know better than to trust any friend to translate stuff for you to impress a girl. You deserved it.

SiLveRStaRLIGHT 0

Thursday 18 June 2009 1:02

Yeah agree agree with this guy. Instead of asking your friend, you should have gone online and looked it up (though it may not always be 100% accurate). It's like the FML with the girl who asked her friend how to say "**** Me" in Spanish so she could say it to her Spanish boyfriend, and she was told to say "Pollo Frito" (Fried chicken). So yeah... Don't listen to your friends when they give you translations. They generally screw you over and think it's funny.

dreamsmean 3

Thursday 18 June 2009 4:41

yup, exactly what i was gonna say

4dakill 0

Thursday 18 June 2009 10:39

i think **** ME in any language is understood.......**** ME **** ME **** ME ..get it

Pharmacyst 0

Thursday 18 June 2009 16:39

#2 you read my mind, this is indeed the oldest trick in the book

Pytt 0

Saturday 20 June 2009 20:54

I'm Swedish, and yes I can speak English as well, but I still think it's nice if someone actually take the time to learn some Swedish before meeting me. It's nothing you have to do, but I think it's a way of showing that you actually care who you talk to.

MissMarlo 0

Sunday 21 June 2009 1:05

Phew. That's fantastic then. :D I'm going to visit my penpal for the first time this summer. She lives in Gothenburg. I've been learning Swedish for the past year and a half to surprise her :D

FoundManyLemons 0

Saturday 20 June 2009 2:29

yeah

greendaygirl999 5

Thursday 20 May 2010 6:59

Anyone else thinking "My Big Fat Greek Wedding"?

underaegis 0

Saturday 4 September 2010 9:39

#64 no **** in diffrent languages isn't **** every contrey just knows the English definition

Fredzter 0

Wednesday 17 June 2009 23:18

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

tukker 0

Wednesday 17 June 2009 23:35

Fan Du!

Fredzter 0

Wednesday 17 June 2009 23:41

Du älskar mig

Iwannabetreo 11

Wednesday 17 June 2009 23:44

Tja, hvem ville ikke elske alle fra de norden? [:

Iwannabetreo 11

Wednesday 17 June 2009 23:47

*alle fra Norden xD

genius_man16 0

Thursday 18 June 2009 5:24

there's either way more sweedish people on here than i realized, or ya'll love google translator :P

hundremeterhekk 0

Thursday 18 June 2009 9:47

svensker er bøøgs go norge!!!

xElise_fml 0

Thursday 18 June 2009 11:14

You're wrong #47, a lot of them are norwegians aswell :] Scandinavian languages are pretty similar.

feelthebreakdown 0

Thursday 18 June 2009 13:11

hatar norge fööööfan wooo!! im an exchange student, and my host brother told me about how he ****** over the old exchange kid they had. the kid in question, P, asked how to say "Hello my name is P, how are you?", so he could say this to the grandma, to which my host bro told him to say "Tja 'P' heter jag och jag har pung svet!" Kid fell for it, and apparently grandma got pretty surprised. FHL.