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Tuesday 23 October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my mom called me from jail. She was arrested for having sex in public. I was with my dad when I got the call. FML

#20135378
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46807) - you deserved it (2406)

On 10/27/2012 at 11:02am - intimacy - by Monkey (man) - United States

Today, a cashier asked me if I would like to donate to breast cancer research. Since I have already made my donations this month, I politely declined. The cashier snorted and said, "Maybe you'll feel differently if someone you love got cancer." I'm a two-year survivor. FML

#20130942
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34694) - you deserved it (1728)

On 10/24/2012 at 5:21am - money - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and I asked him to call me something sweet. He called me Honey Boo Boo. FML

Today, I found my fiancé is cheating on me. Our wedding is in 26 days and everything is already paid for. FML

#20140302
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31732) - you deserved it (2062)

On 10/30/2012 at 3:34pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my birthday. My mom didn't buy me a present, throw a party, or acknowledge the event in any way. Last week it was our dog's birthday, which included a party for all the neighbourhood dogs, and a cake for our dog, made out of bacon. FML

#20134676
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28918) - you deserved it (1614)

On 10/26/2012 at 8:14pm - animals - by birthday girl (woman) - Australia

Today, my boyfriend went to ask my dad for my hand in marriage. All I could make out from the door was mumbling, until profanities started flying. My boyfriend shouted "well she's a SINGLE bitch now!" and stormed out of the house. My dad still refuses to tell me what happened in there. FML

#20131535
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28432) - you deserved it (1730)

On 10/24/2012 at 5:08pm - love - by wtactualfuck :( (woman) - United States

Today, I had sex with this guy I had been crushing on for five years. It took longer to put my clothes back on than he lasted. FML

#20138883
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28413) - you deserved it (5635)

On 10/29/2012 at 4:49pm - intimacy - by le_evan - United States (California)

Today, I was walking with my boyfriend when a guy walked up to me and told me I look exactly like Taylor Swift. My boyfriend punched him in the face and told him that Taylor Swift is a lot more attractive. I'm actually considering leaving him for the complete stranger. FML

#20130143
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28231) - you deserved it (2448)

On 10/23/2012 at 6:12pm - misc - by jeanrose2013 - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my son got expelled after using the photocopier to photocopy his penis. He then used the copies to replace every directional arrow posted throughout the school. FML

#20128322
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27213) - you deserved it (4238)

On 10/22/2012 at 2:56pm - kids - by thebeachisthatway (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I broke a nail at school. The edge kept getting caught on things, so I thought I could file it down by rubbing it on my jeans. Apparently it looked like I was doing something else, because I was called into the principal's office to discuss why "certain things" should be done in private. FML

#20139255
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26321) - you deserved it (4488)

On 10/29/2012 at 8:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to my local Walmart to grab a few groceries, and while at the checkout line I grabbed two chocolate bars for a snack. The cashier gave me a look and mumbled under her breath, "Surprise, surprise." I'm pregnant, asshole. FML

#20129288
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26174) - you deserved it (4308)

On 10/23/2012 at 12:21am - misc - by bunintheoven (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, at work as a massage therapist, I pulled down the guy's blanket slightly to massage his lower back. There were shit stains spreading from his ass crack all the way to his mid-back. When I told him, he wanted me to massage there anyway. FML

#20127667
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26171) - you deserved it (1324)

On 10/22/2012 at 12:07am - work - by Lunazel93 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my mom called me an asshole. She was embarrassed when she saw that a visiting family member had overheard, and tried to cover it up with, "Honey, you are a casserole! You are just delicious, any guy is gonna want you sweetie!" She honestly thought this would work. FML

#20133203
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26086) - you deserved it (2091)

On 10/25/2012 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Agirl (woman) - United States (California)



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