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August 2016

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Today, I finally matched with someone on Tinder after using it for a month. I sent a message and they unmatched. FML

by Singleforever / 08/08/2016 at 8:40am / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, my uncle asked me to act as a bodyguard in a video he was making. I put on the shades and suit while he was saying his message to the camera. I was laughing so hard internally that I ended up farting so loud throughout the entire video. We had to shoot the video five times. FML

by Anonymous / 08/09/2016 at 4:58pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I arrived for the holiday across the world that I spent my entire savings from working during college on. I had a slight sore throat, and couldn't manage to equalise my right ear, aborting all my scuba dives. There goes $500 and my dream of being a scuba instructor. FML

by Theregomylifesavings / 08/07/2016 at 4:52am / Vanuatu (Shefa) / Holidays

Today, my drill sergeant found out it's my birthday. I spent the rest of the day scrubbing large, filthy pots for the entire base of 2000+ and scrubbing grime off of bathroom walls. Happy birthday to me! FML

by Thank you, exactly what I wanted Sergeant / 08/21/2016 at 9:53am / Work

Today, I gave my boss 2 weeks notice for me leaving work, as I had received a better job offer with twice the pay. I thought he took it well until I heard him mutter under his breath, "About fucking time." FML

by hard worker / 08/21/2016 at 9:03pm / Work

Today, I was volunteering at a neighborhood house tutoring a bunch of kids. Everything was going fine until one of them jumped on the table I was at, which broke and hit my knee. I swore in front of all the kids and my volunteer coordinator. FML

by PlsForget / 08/18/2016 at 5:47pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids

Today, at work I did inventory with my boss. He did the top shelves and I did the bottom ones. By the end, my knees were dirty and sore. I went home and my roommate asked me how my day went. I absent-mindedly said, "My boss had me on my knees all day." He hasn't stopped laughing. FML

Today, I got in trouble with my boss for doing what she wanted me to do. I guess she didn't think I would do it and did it herself. FML

by Tired / 08/17/2016 at 1:51pm / Work

Today, I attempted to bleach the little hairs above my lip. I had it on for about 15 seconds. Turns out that the horrible stinging that I had felt meant that it was not just working, but also eating through my skin at the same time. FML

by AlmightyVoice / 08/07/2016 at 7:38am / United States (Michigan) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, the price I paid to go on a kayaking trip in the sea was nothing compared to the price that my foot paid when it inadvertently stepped on a sea urchin halfway into the water. FML

by royallymessedup / 08/14/2016 at 9:13am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Holidays

Today, I walked up to my sister's car to give her some money I owed her. She refused to open the window and take back the money. After begging her to open the window, a passer-by mistook me for a beggar and gave me some loose change. FML

by Marmarfarfar / 08/01/2016 at 1:23pm / Canada (Ontario) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I excitedly told my brother I submitted a short story for a competition for the first time ever. His reply? "Congrats. I guess the first letter of rejection is a special occasion." Gee, thanks for that reality check. FML

by Anonymous / 08/02/2016 at 10:42am / Germany (Berlin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was told that every week the grocery store I work for has a "mystery customer" who shops throughout the store and rates us. Our store has gotten straight 100s for the past two years, and I ruined their streak. Apparently, I was the worst they've ever seen. FML

by That guy / 08/08/2016 at 11:45am / United States (Texas) / Work