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May 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after getting my dream job and quitting old one, I was told my position is strictly "experimental" and will only last 2 months. FML

#21411308
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29219) - you deserved it (3126)

On 05/17/2015 at 2:31am - work - by fuckkkkk - United States (California)

Today, my husband missed the toilet again. I would have been less disgusted if he'd peed this time. FML

#21411283
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29120) - you deserved it (2264)

On 05/17/2015 at 1:10am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found my 15-year-old son sleeping on the couch. I asked why, and he said he'd rented his room out to someone on Craigslist to make extra money, so he was getting used to sleeping in the living room instead. FML

#21406874
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29107) - you deserved it (2358)

On 05/08/2015 at 5:19pm - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my mom decided to have a get together at my house while I was at work. When I came home, she pulled me aside and asked me to pretend to be her maid. FML

#21403387
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29059) - you deserved it (1981)

On 05/02/2015 at 12:54pm - misc - by Eternal Servitude - United States (California)

Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend at work. Because she was "bored and didn't feel like seeing me" she thought it would be funny to call security and claim that I was stalking her. There is now a picture of my face at her workplace, and anytime I "pester her again" the cops will show up. FML

#21408859
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28963) - you deserved it (3833)

On 05/12/2015 at 8:53am - intimacy - by Darryl - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I saw my uncle, whom I have not seen in five years, at a family gathering. His reaction to seeing me? "Holy SHIT you have BOOBS! The guys must be all over you!" I awkwardly replied, "No..." Then he muttered, "I know I would." FML

Today, I found out the "sex noises" I heard from next door last night, which I'd angrily yelled at my neighbor for, were actually from him having an uncontrollable seizure. FML

#21405133
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28868) - you deserved it (11973)

On 05/05/2015 at 2:20pm - intimacy - by 420curse (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend bought me a pet tarantula. I now have one of my biggest fears crawling around my house. FML

#21406510
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28784) - you deserved it (2632)

On 05/07/2015 at 11:23pm - animals - by MyNameIsNotJeff (man) - United States

Today, my sister told me she found my escaped tarantula and put it in a box on my bed. I never had a tarantula, and the box was empty when I checked. FML

#21409835
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28753) - you deserved it (2153)

On 05/14/2015 at 1:11am - animals - by cricketsins (woman) - United States

Today, I finally reached the point where it became necessary to give my boyfriend an ultimatum: either clip your toenails, or we aren't having sex. FML

#21405555
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28744) - you deserved it (2807)

On 05/06/2015 at 8:50am - love - by anon - United States (Kansas)

Today, I went to the yearly town carnival with my friends. I hadn't slept well the night before and when I got onto the scariest ride, I somehow fell half asleep. I woke up upside down and ended up peeing myself in terror. FML

#21403515
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28717) - you deserved it (4821)

On 05/02/2015 at 5:59pm - misc - by Upside-Down Sleeper. - United States (Maryland)

Today, we were discussing evolution at the super-religious school I'm forced to attend. I mentioned homo sapiens, and my teacher mockingly replied, "You actually believe in homo sapiens? Hahahah!" The whole class started laughing. No, not at the teacher; at me. FML

#21414003
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28691) - you deserved it (1975)

On 05/22/2015 at 1:10pm - misc - by homo fuckofftus (man) - United States (California)

Today, my 6-year-old daughter barged into the bathroom while I was peeing, inspected the toilet and said, "You're well hydrated, good job." FML

#21405462
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28572) - you deserved it (3363)

On 05/06/2015 at 1:22am - kids - by seethroughpee - Canada (Alberta)



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