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October 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my brother and I were talking about Ebola, when he says he would love to have the disease because of how famous it would make him. Plus, his college essays about him "fighting through the disease" would be "phenomenal". FML

#21278125
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32291) - you deserved it (2897)

On 10/15/2014 at 12:55am - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my little sister decided the best way to cheat on a test is to take someone else's test, scratch through their name in pencil, and write her name underneath. She starts high school next semester. FML

#21272741
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32235) - you deserved it (2761)

On 10/07/2014 at 12:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were wondering whose extra spare key was on the counter when we came home. Turns out it's his ex's and she returned it, while neither of us were home. We're still taking inventory to see what's missing. FML

#21272236
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32233) - you deserved it (3249)

On 10/06/2014 at 7:05pm - misc - by thenewgirl - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend gave his penis a high five for not getting me pregnant. He does this every time I get my period. Every. Single. Time. FML

#21279390
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32224) - you deserved it (5171)

On 10/16/2014 at 9:27pm - love - by highfive - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend trying to teach our three baby parakeets to perch on his erect penis. FML

#21278553
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32249) - you deserved it (3476)

On 10/15/2014 at 7:36pm - misc - by facepalm (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was mowing my grandma's lawn when I was suddenly swarmed by bees. When my grandma saw me covered in stings later on, she said, "Oh yeah, there are tons of bees in the grass! Be careful!" FML

#21274044
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31984) - you deserved it (2192)

On 10/09/2014 at 2:51am - health - by bees - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, an elderly woman was crossing the street and dropped her bag of groceries. I got out of my car to assist her, but she beat me repeatedly, yelling that I was "enforcing a stereotype". Sorry for trying to help. FML

#21277469
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31778) - you deserved it (2651)

On 10/14/2014 at 3:15am - misc - by I_AM_READING - United States (Alaska)

Today, this girl I've been talking to texted me, saying she was going to visit. Trying to be sweet, I bought her $50 worth of chocolate and a cute card. Turns out she meant to send that text to her ex. Seems like the only thing I'll get from this relationship is diabetes. FML

#21271233
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31683) - you deserved it (4412)

On 10/05/2014 at 1:29pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got my first compliment in over a year. It was from my gynecologist, saying I have a beautiful cervix. FML

#21275026
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31561) - you deserved it (2906)

On 10/10/2014 at 3:12pm - misc - by JulietMarie - United States (New York)

Today, my son was crying because he's afraid he might get Ebola. We live in Maine, and he's 16. FML

Today, I tried a soup sample at a supermarket. An employee then came over and started asking me questions about how I got the cup for the sample, telling me it wasn't store policy to just give out sample cups. I was so stressed that I broke down crying in the middle of the supermarket. FML

Today, while waiting for a plane, a man in a wheelchair was struggling to get to baggage, so I helped him. I did so without realising that I passed through the "No Entry" gate. What did I forget? My phone, my ID, and my boarding pass. What do you need to get back to the plane? All of those. FML

Today, I climbed onto my boyfriend's lap and sexily told him "It's getting hot in here," and started unbuttoning my shirt. He said "Oh," pushed me off him, and went to turn the ceiling fan on. FML

#21279866
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31452) - you deserved it (4411)

On 10/17/2014 at 2:29pm - intimacy - by gettinghotinhere - United States (California)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

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