Call me paranoid, I guess, but I don’t think people normally break off contact with loving parents for no reason at all. Failing that, I can’t help but feel like stalking the social media of an ex who was abusive to you is not conductive to your mental health.

What's the point of adopting adults?

I think that In order to be adopted, if a minor the birth parents (technically both, if known) have to have given up their parental rights. Adults can be adopted for a variety of reasons - One is for purposes of inheritance and family tradition, another is because they want to be adopted and become full a part of that family. Adult children do not generally choose to be adopted by an “abusive father”. This implies that the story your mom tells about her ex is highly suspect and it’s quite possible she was the abuser in the relationship. Or perhaps she was unfaithful… My Dad was divorced and had 3 teenagers in his household - Who, by the way, were there because Dad is easier to live with than my Mom. I was already out of the house. Dad dated and married a widow who had two teenage children. Dad and his wife discussed with her children if they wanted to be adopted or not. They choose to not be adopted partly in tribute to their original father and partly to keep the same name they were already known by. They were one big family with 5 teenagers! … OP, your Mom’s story about being the victim of an abusive husband is highly suspect and frankly unlikely. And her stalking her ex on Facebook after all this time is unhealthy. If her other children are adults and don’t want to associate with their birth mother, it’s really their choice… OP, it is to your credit that you feel the desire to take your Mom’s side since she’s who you live with. But especially if you are one of the youngest children your early memories probably are not representative of what your older siblings knew and probably do not accurately reveal the relationship between your Mom and her ex. The unusual nature of most of the children (I am guessing the older ones) going with their father says something unusual was going on… When we are little we almost always believe our parent’s side of the story. As we get older we discover our parents are often right but sometimes wrong. There is a very human tendency to make oneself the “victim” regardless of the facts. And when you hear only one side of the story, you tend to believe the side you hear. I don’t think your Mom has been entirely honest with you. Good or bad she’s still your Mom of course, but that doesn’t mean you should always believe her when the logic of the situation casts doubts.

Well abusive ex husband is lying. First off if they were her bio kid's they can not be adopted without her giving up parental rights. Second you can not legally adopt a 18 and 20 year old. They are adults themselves.