Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

July 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after an argument with my girlfriend, I tried to be dramatic by slamming my car door shut as hard as I could. Something broke and now it won't open. Now I have to climb through the passenger's side just to drive my car to work. FML

#21443311
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11192) - you deserved it (26394)

On 07/18/2015 at 12:31am - misc - by MerryDeathmas - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, a girl with a picture of One Direction as her desktop asked if I wanted to partner with her on a 70% law assignment. Two hours after saying no, I found out that she's a legal genius with a guaranteed job in the field and a near perfect GPA. FML

#21445322
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10413) - you deserved it (44930)

On 07/22/2015 at 2:18am - work - by Anonymous -

Today, my girlfriend asked me to get her a pregnancy test. After using it, we couldn't find how to tell if she was or wasn't pregnant. After about 10 minutes of waiting, Google searching, and tension, I realized I had bought an ovulation test. FML

#21446911
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10287) - you deserved it (17953)

On 07/25/2015 at 6:10am - misc - by Mmm - United States (California)

Today, I received my replacement debit card in the mail after losing my previous one. I've already lost my new one. FML

#21447012
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9571) - you deserved it (22996)

On 07/25/2015 at 12:55pm - money - by Again (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, whilst vacuuming, I stupidly decided to vacuum the bathroom drain to see what would happen. Turns out it will cause stinking septic water to get sucked into the machine and spew all over the walls, ceiling and vanity. It also causes the vacuum cleaner to stop working. FML

#21445713
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9246) - you deserved it (32465)

On 07/22/2015 at 10:32pm - misc - by sucked_in - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my laziness hit a new low when I tried closing my bedroom door using my mind. FML

#21446894
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9139) - you deserved it (16159)

On 07/25/2015 at 4:33am - misc - by elovan - United States (Iowa)

Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML

#21448216
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8478) - you deserved it (653)

On 07/27/2015 at 8:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was making some scrambled eggs. I had the eggs in a pan, stirring for about ten minutes, before I realised that the eggs were cooking very slow. I tried to figure out what was wrong for another few minutes before my grandma pointed out to me that the oven wasn't turned on. FML

#21447619
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7948) - you deserved it (13894)

On 07/26/2015 at 5:04pm - misc - by sarah4241 - United Kingdom (Belfast)

Today, I was lying in bed with my girlfriend. I went to whisper in her ear, when my body decided it would be funny to suddenly get hiccups. My hiccup burst her eardrum. FML

#21448262
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7729) - you deserved it (707)

On 07/27/2015 at 9:20pm - love - by Hicoops (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my step-sister told me that she was getting married to her girlfriend next summer. At a big family brunch, I made a toast to their marriage. I didn't know that my step-mom didn't know they were dating in the first place, or that she was severely homophobic. FML

#21448362
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6395) - you deserved it (889)

On 07/28/2015 at 1:02am - misc - by anon - United States (Illinois)

Today, my brother was telling me about my "sweet" and "pure" ex-girlfriend. Three stab wounds have already proven otherwise. FML

#21448265
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5367) - you deserved it (433)

On 07/27/2015 at 9:27pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to a garden party my friend had invited me to. I soon discovered they had seriously downplayed the formality of the event, as I noticed trays of fancy hors d'oeuvres and glasses of champagne lined up on the table. I showed up with Kool Aid and Ritz crackers. FML

#21448484
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2873) - you deserved it (362)

On 07/28/2015 at 8:22am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Slough)

Today, after a 4 or 5 month-long dry spell, I woke up next to a amazing and beautiful woman. Neither of us were wearing pants. She looked me in the eyes and said, "Did I piss the bed?" FML

#21448401
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (2669) - you deserved it (296)

On 07/28/2015 at 2:44am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States



FML's blog

  • Feeling shitty? Write to Auntie Bernie!
  • It's a new summer, so here's a new feature. OK, that doesn't mean much, but you've got to start somewhere. The idea came from the fact that we get sent a lot of FMLs that touch us, in our heart of…

Friday 24 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: