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August 2016

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Today, I discovered that my freezer had died when I saw the contents oozing out the bottom. The now-full trash can won't be picked up for another 6 days, and the high temperatures are supposed to be in the 100s all week. FML

by Melting in Texas / 08/09/2016 at 2:56pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my 12-year-old sister, who sometimes has difficulty coming up with the right words while speaking, used the word "intercourse" to replace "encounter". She was joking to my dad that she, "had an 'intercourse' with Bob Dylan." I can't get the image out of my head. FML

by Anonymous / 08/08/2016 at 8:04pm / Kids

Today, on my second morning at college, I tried to make coffee using my Keurig. I realized after I got back from my shower that I hadn't put a cup under the machine. All 3 drawers of my dresser are now filled with coffee. FML

by cullenthegreat / 08/25/2016 at 12:26pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was trying to cook a pizza for lunch at my in-laws. I preheated the oven and took my dog out to go potty. I come back in to find the house filled with smoke, the detector going off, and a fire in the oven. Apparently, my mother-in-law left a tray of glass candle holders in it. FML

by ThankfullyNotKickedOut / 08/26/2016 at 2:17pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I stood up at my desk and fell. I landed on the arm of my desk chair. There was a loud crack when the plastic in the chair broke. My co-workers heard. They didn't come to check on me because I didn't scream. FML

by lowly101 / 08/09/2016 at 3:15pm / Work

Today, I got a bad review on my work's Facebook page. The girl said I was very rude and I should never work with the public. I was trying to flirt with her. FML

by Bg2466 / 08/14/2016 at 11:17pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

Today, I thought I'd save some money by doing my own electrical work. When I turned the power back on, it caught fire. FML

by chewsef / 08/08/2016 at 11:22pm / United States (California) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while at a baseball game, I was telling my friends about my underaged drinking experience at my sister's bachelorette party. It wasn't until I was done telling the story that I realized the Dean of my college was right behind us, looking right at me. So much for a good first impression. FML

by fuckingcool / 08/18/2016 at 5:19pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my friends told me they have been able to see all my BDSM likes in their Facebook feeds. My family and coworkers also follow me. FML

by Anonymous / 08/21/2016 at 5:21am / Ukraine (Kyyiv) / Miscellaneous

Today, after two weeks of intense detective work, I found out my wife isn't cheating on me after all. She really has just been going out and playing table tennis with her friend like she said. Who the hell even plays table tennis? FML

by Anonymous / 08/23/2016 at 8:40am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I admitted to my girlfriend that I had cheated on her. She didn't tell or get mad, oh no. She looked at me for a few seconds then burst out laughing and called me a liar. FML

by whoops / 08/15/2016 at 12:07am / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, I took a drug test. Not only did I fail the drug test, but I mostly missed the sample cup and got urine all over my pants. FML

by heck / 08/12/2016 at 9:57am / Health

Today, I walked into a wall, smashing my laptop into the top of my eye socket. This was all because I was carrying my laptop, phone and chocolate mug cake, all while trying to watch Netflix on said laptop. I feel like a 2016 cliché. FML

by justplaindumb / 08/03/2016 at 8:48pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous