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May 2015

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I caught my son trying to punch his own teeth out so he'd get more money from the tooth fairy. FML

#21414342
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24493) - you deserved it (3013)

On 05/23/2015 at 7:06am - kids - by DENTALITY (woman) - Norway

Today, I strained so hard trying to take a crap that I broke a blood vessel in my eye. FML

#21414271
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24391) - you deserved it (5177)

On 05/23/2015 at 12:38am - misc - by Strainer - United States (California)

Today, I got so used to using this FML app while going to the bathroom that when I opened it, I accidentally peed a little. FML

#21415171
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24392) - you deserved it (9693)

On 05/24/2015 at 9:14pm - misc - by Anon - United States (Ohio)

Today, I managed to throw my back out by blowing my nose. FML

#21409404
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24213) - you deserved it (2622)

On 05/13/2015 at 9:57am - health - by Hlaalette (woman) - Belgium

Today, in bare consciousness, I found out what it feels like to be stabbed in the hand with an earring. How? By slamming my hand on the snooze button of my alarm and missing horribly. FML

#21411522
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24131) - you deserved it (5748)

On 05/17/2015 at 3:32pm - misc - by norpedo (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was wrestling in a tournament. I was in the finals about to win when the kid threw up on me. They thought I'd hit him in the stomach hard enough to make him throw up, so they disqualified me. FML

#21415763
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24081) - you deserved it (1567)

On 05/25/2015 at 10:24pm - misc - by wrestling probs - United States

Today, I fell asleep while working the night shift. It took me 3 hours and a whole lot of dirty looks while walking home before I looked in a mirror and saw my cockbite of a coworker had drawn a swastika on my forehead while I was asleep. FML

#21406740
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24029) - you deserved it (6740)

On 05/08/2015 at 11:44am - work - by pop, pop (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to bring my 92-year-old neighbor some cake we had just made. When I walked in, she was wearing pants. That's it. I stared blinking in shock for a few seconds before running away, yelling, "So sorry. I brought you cake. Real tired. Gonna sleep now. Bye." FML

#21409137
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23920) - you deserved it (3020)

On 05/12/2015 at 8:33pm - misc - by Nikki (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, some guy I passed in the street was so high out of his mind, he beat the crap out of me, thinking I was a piñata. FML

#21416582
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23873) - you deserved it (2017)

On 05/27/2015 at 10:21am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Mexico

Today, I finally found a bug I had been trying to get rid of. When I removed my bra, I noticed what looked like a piece of bug on it. Apparently, the bug was flattened and suffocated by my boob the entire day. FML

#21414219
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23736) - you deserved it (2335)

On 05/22/2015 at 10:26pm - misc - by Kurda (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I found out that my flatmate wears my underwear. FML

#21413767
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23728) - you deserved it (1797)

On 05/21/2015 at 10:22pm - misc - by anon - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, my little cousin was helping me wash my car. After scrubbing all the dirt, I gave him the hose and said, "Okay, now rinse off this disgusting thing." He turned the hose on me. FML

#21409816
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23659) - you deserved it (5805)

On 05/14/2015 at 12:26am - kids - by ptarr12345 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I decided to impress my friends by doing a flip on the trampoline. What did impress them, was my lack of tears after I hit the edge of the trampoline and broke my nose. FML

#21411404
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23630) - you deserved it (6158)

On 05/17/2015 at 10:05am - health - by no more flips - United States (Ohio)



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  • It's the weekend so let's plaster on a fake smile and plough through this shit one more time. Sorry, I was channelling Bill Hicks there. I'll start again. Hi everyone, how are you doing? This week…

Friday 29 May 2015

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