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July 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went to a bar with my best friend, and some guys came up to us and started flirting with her and offering her a drink. I felt a bit left out and started joking that "I'm thirsty too". One guy looked at me, cringed and said, "No, I don't buy drinks for weird girls." FML

#21222298
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32109) - you deserved it (6020)

On 07/27/2014 at 6:17pm - love - by notgoth (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. The officer was nice and let me off with just a warning. That is, until my dipshit brother yelled "Fucking pig!" out the window as the officer walked back to his car. FML

#21216216
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31997) - you deserved it (20617)

On 07/21/2014 at 11:58am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was prepping for an interview after several months of unemployment. I had just finished brushing my teeth when I reached back and grabbed a towel behind me to wipe my face. Turns out it wasn't a towel, it was my newly dry-cleaned suit jacket that my wife had put there for me. FML

#21217564
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31991) - you deserved it (8726)

On 07/22/2014 at 5:55pm - work - by Infadel - United States (California)

Today, I had a 5 hour exam. The exam guard had clearly eaten something funky, because she kept burping loudly. When I thought it couldn't get any worse, she started farting. FML

Today, my boyfriend said we can't have sex with the light on anymore. He said he can never finish because the face I make when I orgasm makes him laugh. FML

#21216984
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31876) - you deserved it (22719)

On 07/22/2014 at 1:55am - intimacy - by teegtwo (woman) - United States

Today, my husband decided to play a recording of me breaking wind in my sleep to my whole family at the dinner table. To make matters worse, it was a compilation of different noises from over a long period of time. My family was horrified and my husband seemed proud of himself. FML

#21222673
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31764) - you deserved it (3240)

On 07/28/2014 at 12:36am - misc - by blow away - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I hit rock bottom; I watched one of those shitty infomercial channels, without even being forced into it at gunpoint. Even worse is that I practically creamed myself over a damn fruit juicer, all because it was 50% off and I could actually afford it. FML

#21198655
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31739) - you deserved it (6425)

On 07/04/2014 at 4:29pm - money - by The Rock's arse (woman) - United Kingdom (Milton Keynes)

Today, I met someone who works in radio advertising. Making conversation, I described an ad that I can't stand. He wrote it. FML

#21222884
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31523) - you deserved it (7399)

On 07/28/2014 at 6:16am - work - by Scotty (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I was so ashamed of my weight when I sat down and the suction of my thighs made a loud fart noise, I admitted to it being a fart rather than my fat rolls. FML

#21218616
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31395) - you deserved it (17618)

On 07/23/2014 at 7:24pm - health - by ThunderThighs (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found my 6 year old daughter upstairs lying on the floor with scissors. She was giving "the carpet a haircut." FML

#21221737
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31284) - you deserved it (4137)

On 07/27/2014 at 1:51am - kids - by ... (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was pulled over for distracted driving. I'd been eating a donut. Let's just say the officer didn't appreciate being offered one. FML

#21223797
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31030) - you deserved it (9821)

On 07/29/2014 at 2:20pm - misc - by fatty magoo - United States (Washington)

Today, I nearly had an anxiety attack trying to sneak up on my sister to silly-string her. FML

#21205230
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30370) - you deserved it (11769)

On 07/10/2014 at 5:28pm - misc - by cassieono - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I woke up from a horrible nightmare. What was it about? Me accidentally scratching a non-stick pan with my utility knife. FML

#21221361
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29871) - you deserved it (5115)

On 07/26/2014 at 6:09pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (New York)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

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