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October 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my best friend and I, after years of sexual tension, began to have sex for the first time. Things got heated and he decided to abruptly stand up with me around him. I got so nervous, spazzed out, and now have 37 staples in my head courtesy of his bookshelf. FML

#21284031
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23033) - you deserved it (3839)

On 10/23/2014 at 9:25pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, after my first day at work at a local daycare, I found out that I'm not entitled to breaks because I'm the only worker there who doesn't smoke. My boss asked me, ''What do you need a break for?'' FML

#21284495
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22421) - you deserved it (1560)

On 10/24/2014 at 4:52pm - work - by Anonymous - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I was the weird girl on the city bus who falls asleep then makes a loud, weird noise and wakes herself up. FML

#21284017
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21993) - you deserved it (2894)

On 10/23/2014 at 9:05pm - misc - by pyrogypsy (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I offered "Girls Gone Wild" as an example of bad TV in my lecture thinking it was a reality TV show. It's porn. FML

Today, I got approached by a lady while eating at a fast-food restaurant who asked if I could spare five dollars. Confidently, I pulled out my wallet to show her that I had no cash, only to reveal a perfectly crisp five dollar bill that I had completely forgotten about. FML

#21284180
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21617) - you deserved it (10270)

On 10/24/2014 at 1:02am - money - by Yeah (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I held my bag of burger and fries out the window while driving, to preserve that new car smell. Not only did I hit a pothole and lose my lunch, I got pulled over by a cop who suspected I was either littering or tossing drugs when I saw him. FML

#21268936
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19512) - you deserved it (39870)

On 10/01/2014 at 12:53pm - misc - by ThatNewCarSmell (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I smashed a spider with my pencil eraser. Later, I absentmindedly chewed on it while doing my homework. FML

#21282480
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19093) - you deserved it (25114)

On 10/21/2014 at 3:46pm - misc - by GetMeTheDamnBleach (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I started my job selling perfume in a department store. I decided to be creative and sprayed a little perfume towards the first person who walked by. She had an allergic reaction, and an ambulance had to be called. FML

#21281002
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18514) - you deserved it (35772)

On 10/19/2014 at 10:24am - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I was talking to my brother about how careless people are. Minutes later, I shocked myself with my dog's shock-collar. FML

#21269342
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18481) - you deserved it (30903)

On 10/02/2014 at 12:47am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I'm horribly out of shape. My arms are sore, almost like I'd been doing heavy lifting yesterday. Nope. It just was from squeezing cupcake icing out of a tube. FML

Today, I had to google the definition of transsexual just to know what the hell my friends were talking about. I need to read a book. FML

#21282666
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13762) - you deserved it (21245)

On 10/21/2014 at 8:36pm - misc - by Awkward - United States (Maryland)

Today, I discovered that if you heckle a mime, it's possible that the mime will actually kick your ass. FML

#21283193
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12985) - you deserved it (28907)

On 10/22/2014 at 4:24pm - misc - by mr_cheese (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was waiting at a traffic light next to an ice cream van. The man in it turned to me and winked, making sexual hand gestures. I felt my childhood die horribly as I watched. FML

#21284616
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12594) - you deserved it (947)

On 10/24/2014 at 8:30pm - love - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)



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Friday 24 October 2014

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