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July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I returned from a long business trip a day early to surprise my wife. She was sleeping, so I climbed into bed and started spooning her. Thinking I was an intruder, she simultaneously kicked me in the groin, elbowed me in the ribs, and smacked the back of her head into my jaw. FML

#20805942
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43511) - you deserved it (24590)

On 07/27/2013 at 4:03am - love - by good_aim (man) - United States (California)

Today, I announced my third pregnancy to my family. My dad's only reaction was to scoff, "Really? Stop breeding already." FML

#20780277
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43424) - you deserved it (14361)

On 07/13/2013 at 4:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had the opportunity to taste a live spider by walking into its web in the dark. FML

#20770695
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43354) - you deserved it (4562)

On 07/08/2013 at 2:55pm - misc - by pinkXpress1023 - United Kingdom

Today, I returned home from an extended vacation only to find out my cousin wasn't kidding when he said he was going to steal my boyfriend. I thought I was dating a straight guy. FML

#20761976
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43346) - you deserved it (3197)

On 07/03/2013 at 4:56pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I won an award for Employee of the Month. Shocked, I asked my boss if he'd gotten my name mixed up or something. He had. FML

#20797671
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43280) - you deserved it (9685)

On 07/22/2013 at 2:29pm - work - by FUCK (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to help my constipated dog by squeezing crap out of her butt. This is a daily occurrence. FML

Today, I was drinking from a cup with a built-in straw. After taking a long sip, I noticed a weird taste. Upon investigation, I found a small caterpillar wedged inside the straw. FML

#20768067
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43228) - you deserved it (3851)

On 07/07/2013 at 1:09am - misc - by yum - United States (California)

Today, at a family dinner, my mother-in-law talked me into showing off some moves that I've learned in martial arts. I gently did a restraining hold on her. She screamed that I was trying to break her wrists, and kept the wounded act up all night, smirking as everyone gave me death glares. FML

#20765643
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43182) - you deserved it (4698)

On 07/05/2013 at 5:59pm - misc - by -_- (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went to the doctor to have my annual check-up. After the doctor made me waddle across the room towards him, hop on one foot for thirty seconds, and then lay on my stomach and do the worm, he finally said, "OK, that wasn't really part of the check-up. You're large on the hips. Lay off the Cheetos." FML

#20760331
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43122) - you deserved it (11287)

On 07/02/2013 at 7:16pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, after spending weeks working on a song that meant a lot to me, I reluctantly posted it online. The "friend" who'd convinced me to post it, commented, "This is the worst shit I've ever heard." He got 30 likes, along with a barrage of agreeing, equally terrible comments. FML

#20772988
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43121) - you deserved it (5115)

On 07/09/2013 at 7:35pm - misc - by tonedef (man) - United States

Today, I got angry after not being able to have an orgasm. What was I angry at? My own hand. FML

#20759304
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43044) - you deserved it (20702)

On 07/02/2013 at 2:47am - intimacy - by lonely girl (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I heard my mom sobbing in the bathroom. Concerned, I went in to see what was wrong. I found her sitting on the toilet, pants down and a cigarette between her fingers. When I asked what was going on, she looked up at me and slurred that we'd run out of "shit-wipes." FML

#20804901
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42997) - you deserved it (3392)

On 07/26/2013 at 3:55pm - misc - by trailertrashyanditsucks (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I watched one of my neighbor's trees fall into the electrical lines outside my house. This was after he took a chainsaw to the tree. He refuses to cover the damages. FML

#20801131
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42982) - you deserved it (2539)

On 07/24/2013 at 12:44pm - money - by trees - United States (Wisconsin)



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