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July 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, a kid was ranting that "people these days are so rude" and that "things were much better in the '50s." Annoyed, I asked the delusional twat what was so great about the racial segregation, rampant sexism, homophobia, and all the rest back then. He responded by punching me. FML

#20792660
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44076) - you deserved it (14448)

On 07/19/2013 at 4:36pm - health - by "people these days" (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had to help my constipated dog by squeezing crap out of her butt. This is a daily occurrence. FML

Today, I finally gave away all of the stuffed animals that I've been hoarding for years. Proud, I told my family. They congratulated me by buying me stuffed animals. FML

#20812476
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44057) - you deserved it (4481)

On 07/30/2013 at 11:06pm - misc - by TheSacredTeddyBear (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boyfriend took me to dinner. There was a beautifully decorated table with rose petals and a huge bouquet and he told me he had ordered all this for me. I'd never felt so special. That is, until I had to get up for the couple whose table it actually was. FML

#20810418
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44043) - you deserved it (3211)

On 07/29/2013 at 9:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I bought a device that plays a high-pitched sound to teach my dog to quit barking. She's smart enough to learn that as long as she barks loud enough and long enough, she can't hear it. Quite the opposite effect to what I was anticipating. FML

#20811031
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43923) - you deserved it (6198)

On 07/30/2013 at 2:42am - animals - by Bug8Frog - United States (Alaska)

Today, I was doing stand-up comedy at open mic. The guy I like started laughing, but before I hit my punch line. Apparently, when I was speaking, I was occasionally spitting, and in the very bright light it was easy to see my spit hitting people in the face. They kept a tally. FML

#20787970
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43869) - you deserved it (6095)

On 07/17/2013 at 6:06am - love - by sucker and suckatash/say don't spray - United States (Hawaii)

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to make a R.I.P. page for me on Facebook. Most liked post? "Too bad this page is fake." FML

#20771326
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43798) - you deserved it (4910)

On 07/08/2013 at 10:02pm - misc - by the hated - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was asked to help my sister clean her room. The moment I opened the door, I was greeted by her screaming "TASTE THE RAINBOW" with a full mouth. She then spat the skittles into my face. FML

#20768354
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43712) - you deserved it (4488)

On 07/07/2013 at 6:55am - kids - by tastetherainbow - United States (Texas)

Today, while ironing some shirts, my cat decided to hop up and investigate. To prevent him from burning himself, I instinctively moved the iron away and placed it flat on my other hand. FML

#20773891
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43686) - you deserved it (13491)

On 07/10/2013 at 4:58am - animals - by kutekittykatz (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, I returned from a long business trip a day early to surprise my wife. She was sleeping, so I climbed into bed and started spooning her. Thinking I was an intruder, she simultaneously kicked me in the groin, elbowed me in the ribs, and smacked the back of her head into my jaw. FML

#20805942
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43614) - you deserved it (24616)

On 07/27/2013 at 4:03am - love - by good_aim (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went camping with my family. While I was using the shower house, my sister decided it'd be hilarious to run off with my clothes and towel. I ran back to the camper, completely naked, only for my parents to bitch me out for streaking. FML

#20803187
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43569) - you deserved it (3316)

On 07/25/2013 at 4:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I announced my third pregnancy to my family. My dad's only reaction was to scoff, "Really? Stop breeding already." FML

#20780277
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43556) - you deserved it (14373)

On 07/13/2013 at 4:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had the opportunity to taste a live spider by walking into its web in the dark. FML

#20770695
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43489) - you deserved it (4571)

On 07/08/2013 at 2:55pm - misc - by pinkXpress1023 - United Kingdom



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