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June 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend was extremely nervous to meet my parents but I made him do it anyway. One of the first things out of his mouth was, "I'm glad you had sex." When they gave him a look of shock, he added, "You know, when you made your daughter! She's awesome!" FML

Today, I left my dog in the car while I quickly ran into a store. I came out to a woman smashing at my window, screaming that it was too hot in the car for the dog and saying I was being inhumane. The car was still running and the air conditioning was on. FML

#20721457
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59628) - you deserved it (8550)

On 06/12/2013 at 12:47pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out I'm going to be a grandfather. I'm 29, my son is 13 and the girl in question is 16. FML

#20731946
440 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59469) - you deserved it (37128)

On 06/17/2013 at 6:49pm - kids - by young grandpa - United States (Georgia)

Today, it was the second anniversary of the day I met my girlfriend. I had to go to work, but I set an engagement ring and a letter on my pillow for when she woke up, and left breakfast for her on the counter. When I got home, she and all of her things were gone. FML

#20742451
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59218) - you deserved it (8744)

On 06/23/2013 at 10:42am - love - by foreveralone (man) - United States

Today, at karate, my sparring partner thought it was completely okay to surprise kick me in the vagina. When he saw me doubled over in pain, he was completely surprised. Apparently, he thought that it wouldn't hurt, because I have no penis. FML

#20698551
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59172) - you deserved it (4963)

On 06/01/2013 at 12:31am - health - by Mayyouneverfindpleasureinavagina (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I bumped into my parents at the mall. They didn't tell me they were around. I live 5,000 miles away, in a different country from them. FML

#20744316
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58954) - you deserved it (3578)

On 06/24/2013 at 10:16am - misc - by Coolios (man) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, I decided to go buy myself a dildo to use on my lonely nights. Once at the adult store, I also grabbed a birthday card to make it seem the dildo wasn't for me. At the register, the cashier looked at me and said, "For God's sake, save yourself some money. I already know it's for you." FML

#20742274
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58850) - you deserved it (22951)

On 06/23/2013 at 6:38am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for not remembering our anniversary. Our three week anniversary. FML

#20702606
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58822) - you deserved it (6828)

On 06/03/2013 at 12:31am - love - by BadBoyfriend - United States (Texas)

Today, I was planning on having sex with my girlfriend for the first time, so I asked my roomate to stay out of our apartment. About half-way through, my roomate blared "The Eye of the Tiger" from the other side of the door. My girlfriend laughed so hard that we couldn't finish. FML

#20733192
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58627) - you deserved it (8207)

On 06/18/2013 at 12:16pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my husband was in our newborn's room, holding and talking to him. I guess he forgot the baby monitor, because I overheard him say, "Wanna know a secret? Daddy kills people." I really hope he was just quoting Dexter. FML

#20732635
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58560) - you deserved it (4186)

On 06/18/2013 at 1:01am - kids - by imarriedanaxemurderer (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my friend told me he had just robbed a bank and needed a place to hide. Thinking he was joking, I let him in so we could hang out. 15 minutes later, the cops storm into my apartment. Now I'm an accomplice in a crime I thought was a joke. FML

#20718656
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58370) - you deserved it (16102)

On 06/10/2013 at 11:23pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I ran the mile in gym class. I was the second to last person to finish, and I was left panting and feeling faint. When the teacher found out I hadn't come in dead last, he accused me of skipping a lap and is now making me rerun the entire thing. FML

#20721311
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58329) - you deserved it (5698)

On 06/12/2013 at 10:56am - misc - by Anonymous - United States



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