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March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was fired from my job for breaking my company's tattoo policy. I have a small scar on my wrist that roughly resembles a heart. My boss insists that it's one of those white ink tattoos. No one will believe me. FML

#20534364
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38216) - you deserved it (2271)

On 03/07/2013 at 3:17am - work - by crap - United States

Today, I was cleaning a house. While dusting a rickety nightstand, a drawer fell open and a light-up dildo fell out and turned on. I couldn't figure out how to turn it off. FML

#20541893
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38197) - you deserved it (4245)

On 03/13/2013 at 9:36am - intimacy - by OptimusVader (woman) - United States

Today, I'm 5 months pregnant. My 20-year-old boyfriend still refuses to tell his parents because he thinks he'll get in trouble. He thinks we can get away with "never telling them and just hiding the kid." FML

#20536957
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38129) - you deserved it (9206)

On 03/09/2013 at 12:42pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Pakistan

Today, the kids I babysit hid from me. While I was looking for them, I stepped on multiple strategically-placed Lego bricks. When I yelped from the pain, the kids jumped out and threw soccer balls in my face. FML

#20556944
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38089) - you deserved it (4754)

On 03/23/2013 at 7:47pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend, when my upstairs neighbor decided to take the longest piss known to man. He moaned the entire time. FML

#20545680
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37998) - you deserved it (4319)

On 03/16/2013 at 2:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my friend asked to borrow my new laptop to email his college professor. When he returned it, it had a virus on it, and I had to fish out two pubic hairs that were sticking out between the keys. FML

#20559514
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37932) - you deserved it (6988)

On 03/25/2013 at 2:25pm - misc - by grossed out - United Kingdom (Peterborough)

Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend. I was woken up by my mother breaking into my house to tell me I need to get ready for work. Then she got mad that I had a girl over. I'm 20. FML

#20561180
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37912) - you deserved it (4629)

On 03/26/2013 at 4:20pm - misc - by holycommander - United States

Today, my husband woke up, rolled over, and said, "Good morning, beautiful." He hasn't called me that in months, but as I was about to reply, I realized he was talking to his pet turtle, not me. FML

#20549421
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37847) - you deserved it (3088)

On 03/18/2013 at 3:38pm - love - by Maggie - United States

Today, there was a new girl in one of my classes. We both corrected a classmate on his grammar, so, trying to make a new friend, I leaned back to her and said, "Haha, fellow Grammar Nazi?" She gave me a disgusted look and told me she was Jewish. FML

#20553379
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37831) - you deserved it (19402)

On 03/21/2013 at 6:43am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me for months. It all started while I was in the hospital, he says, because we were supposed to go out that day, but then I "had to go and get sick". He blames my emergency surgery for his infidelity. FML

#20547926
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37795) - you deserved it (2810)

On 03/17/2013 at 4:12pm - love - by need an appendickectomy (woman) - Finland

Today, I was violently throwing up due to severe morning sickness. My boyfriend looked at me, then turned and walked away. In the end, my daughter gave me some paper towel and her juice. My 18-month-old is more supportive of my pregnancy than her 30-year-old father. FML

#20562509
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37758) - you deserved it (5533)

On 03/27/2013 at 3:34pm - misc - by InfamousLastWord (woman) - United States

Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML

#20529783
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37748) - you deserved it (12649)

On 03/03/2013 at 5:21pm - work - by JimmyT (man) - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. I said yes. This caused him to panic, excuse himself, then take it back via text message a half hour later, claiming he'd been drunk. We live together. When he comes back home, it's going to be very awkward indeed. FML

#20541052
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37717) - you deserved it (2744)

On 03/12/2013 at 6:21pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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