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March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, a small fly flew straight up into my nose. I spent 10 minutes trying to blow/scratch/pick it out to no avail. I can still feel it moving. FML

#20556028
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37004) - you deserved it (2547)

On 03/23/2013 at 4:17am - misc - by WTFLY (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. My boyfriend is no fan of fatherhood, so it was with some hesitation that I called him and let him know I'm pregnant. He replied, "Like hell you are!" and hung up. He now refuses to answer any of my calls. FML

#20543527
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36812) - you deserved it (9273)

On 03/14/2013 at 2:41pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was freshening up my makeup in the car before a date. An old lady walked by and said through my open window, "Don't bother. There's no helping you, honey." FML

#20559530
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36811) - you deserved it (3952)

On 03/25/2013 at 2:36pm - love - by f-ugly - United States

Today, the kids I babysit hid from me. While I was looking for them, I stepped on multiple strategically-placed Lego bricks. When I yelped from the pain, the kids jumped out and threw soccer balls in my face. FML

#20556944
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36717) - you deserved it (4620)

On 03/23/2013 at 7:47pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a serious argument and he stormed out of the house mad. Why? I wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of his knob. FML

#20553362
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36624) - you deserved it (15864)

On 03/21/2013 at 6:01am - intimacy - by meeee (woman) - United States

Today, I turned 18. My parents got me a pineapple and a pair of socks. I'm allergic to pineapple, and the socks are too small. FML

#20566329
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36582) - you deserved it (2542)

On 03/30/2013 at 12:06am - misc - by ShellShocked - United States

Today, I was dancing with an incredibly sexy man at a club. He was grinding on me when he leaned over and said, "If I was straight, I would make you my queen." FML

#20548252
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36561) - you deserved it (5306)

On 03/17/2013 at 8:10pm - love - by noooooooo (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my wife finally came home from deployment. Apparently, in the military she really built up some muscle. When she saw me at the airport, she picked me up like a baby and spun me around in her arms a few times. I'm a little scared of her now. FML

#20530533
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36506) - you deserved it (9003)

On 03/04/2013 at 2:36am - love - by married to wonder woman (man) - United States (California)

Today, I walked into an exam after having stayed up 20 straight hours studying. The professor looked at me and muttered, "Don't bother, I'm failing you either way." FML

#20552400
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36404) - you deserved it (3526)

On 03/20/2013 at 4:26pm - misc - by Tired (man) - United States

Today, during a sex ed lesson, we were given a lecture on pregnancy and abortion from the school nurse. Throughout the session she kept repeating, "Of course, Sophie knows ALL about this." The nurse happens to know that my dad's a gynaecologist. That's not what everyone else in the year thinks. FML

#20559804
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36400) - you deserved it (1635)

On 03/25/2013 at 5:53pm - misc - by Soph (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I went to a paintball match with a group of friends, one of whom brought his dad along. His dad is a weight-lifting, wannabe alpha male fucknut who thinks that chokeslamming opponents is a legitimate close-quarters paintball tactic. My broken shoulder disagrees. FML

#20528184
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36319) - you deserved it (2768)

On 03/02/2013 at 1:59pm - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend, when my upstairs neighbor decided to take the longest piss known to man. He moaned the entire time. FML

#20545680
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36258) - you deserved it (4141)

On 03/16/2013 at 2:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was fired from my job for breaking my company's tattoo policy. I have a small scar on my wrist that roughly resembles a heart. My boss insists that it's one of those white ink tattoos. No one will believe me. FML

#20534364
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36012) - you deserved it (2123)

On 03/07/2013 at 3:17am - work - by crap - United States



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